Considering becoming a SMBC?

Key_Hunter4064 · 2023-09-27T22:37:44+00:00

Hey I'm sorry you are going through all of this but I think you are going through depression right now. I think in this state of mind you should not try to make big decisions like looking for a sperm donor or such. I'd suggest you take a break from everything sis probably stay of social media for awhile find someone close to you to talk to. Maybe take Up a new hobby or Find something to take your mind out of all this. Find what makes you happy or Try new hobbies you might find one you like. Set up a goal such as going to the gym or learning how to sew and stick to it. The more you start archiving smaller goals your mood will generally change. Take Time out of your day to make someone else's day better because Happiness is contagious. Stay away from negative friends/People in general. At 22 years old you are still young. Stay away from dating for sometime. When you are at a much better place mentally/Emotionally then you can revisit your plan and ask yourself If you truly want to have your own kids and raise them without a Father figure. I myself was raised by a single mother and Even though we never struggled financial I still had a lot of issues/Trauma of not having a Dad growing up. There are some things in life only a Man can teach his Kids. I wish you the best.

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-09-28T02:23:24+00:00

If you are neurotic according to the Big 5 Model, and it sounds like you are, early stages of motherhood can feel like a giant crushing wave of constant loneliness and guilt. Little kids are bottomless pits of need. They take and take until you don't have anymore to give and then they cry cause you only rocked them 40 minutes or only read them 7 stories. Their cries trigger the release of cortisol, the stress hormone, in your brain and then you regard yourself as a selfish, terrible mother until they calm down.

You will fall short. All the time. And you will dislike yourself for it.

Little kids push boundaries like no one else. They're learning the rules of the world, and of human nature. They don't understand the consequences of talking back or hitting you in the face with stuff until you respond.

I've found it indescribably helpful to go through this process with my husband. He is significantly less neurotic than me and I love knowing that I'm showing my children how to maintain a happy and healthy relationship.

Early parenting is brutal and grueling. It is also incredibly meaningful, and there are a lot of sweet, cute moments.

As someone who badly wanted kids my whole life, now that I have them, I would never willingly do it alone. Single parents have a hard enough time and they share custody. Your support system better be substantial. I would live with your parents if you could.

Jenneapolis · 2023-09-27T22:50:13+00:00

First off, let me say I can sympathize with where you are at. I’m 40 and have been through all of these options in my head for years. I’ve done all the fertility testing, all the prep for the processes up to the point where I had the medications for egg donation at my home; I’ve looked at sperm donor profiles out of curiosity - I’ve really have dove deep here.

And without giving my personal opinion on what you should do because I don’t think it matters - and with the upmost respect - I don’t think this sub is a good place for this question. This is not a sub about pregnancy or single motherhood. As I’m sure you know, there is a single mothers by choice sub, many single mothers and single parents subs, pregnancy subs, and plenty others touting childfree lifestyles and regretful parenting. You can get every point of view you need from other subs.

So I would really encourage you to think about what you think you can specifically get out of asking this question in this sub particularly where the focus is truly on having a man who is your leader in life. Are you trying to be talked out of it? Because we can do that, but if you truly want to know about parenting then somewhere else is going to be better for you.

basedviet · 2023-09-28T00:05:36+00:00

The human brain doesn’t fully develop until 25, I suggest waiting until then before making decisions that will permanently handicap you and your children for life.

Scotch_Egggg · 2023-09-28T02:46:39+00:00

I truly don't mean this in a disparaging way, but you're really young. When I was your age I didn't know what I wanted. I hadn't found myself, or what I truly wanted out of life, yet. Like another commenter also said here, the human brain isn't fully mature until you're 25. So it's normal to feel lost at your age, to think that your life can only go a certain way from now on. To think that your best option is to remain single forever because you've had some bad experiences with men.

But you're overthinking it, and putting too much pressure on yourself. You sound exhausted. Take a few years to think on things and work on figuring out what you want. You have more than enough time. Don't write off men yet, especially since being a part of this community means you're exponentially increasing your chances of finding a good, worthy man. You shouldn't expect yourself to have figured out whether or not you want children, or a husband, at your age. To put things into context, you're not even 22, which means that only a decade ago you were 12. You need to stop putting this arbitrary pressure on yourself, allow yourself to live and grow up and gain more experience before you make such life-altering decisions for yourself and your children.

You should also know that the procedures you're considering aren't the miracle solutions they're touted as. You should really research this very carefully before going through with this, and make sure you're aware of everything that might go wrong. A lot of women who freeze their eggs to focus on their careers later find out, once it's too late, that their eggs didn't survive the freezing process and aren't viable, leaving them forever childless.

A lot of women also don't realize that unfreezing and fertilizing their eggs is far from a perfect process, and requires numerous tries. This means that several eggs will be fertilized and all but one will be lost or destroyed in the process, which bothers a lot of women, especially those who happen to be pro-life, but sometimes even those who aren't. Most women aren't even aware of this part of the procedure. There's also the real possibility that even after fertilizing each egg you've frozen, none of them will be healthy enough to be implanted inside you, because the freezing process has an impact on the viability of the eggs. So you'd be back to square one, only now it might be too late for you to try again because you might be out of eggs by that point.

All of that to say, these are very serious decisions that you shouldn't be taking lightly, or hurriedly. Take some time to think about everything, and don't give yourself arbitrary deadlines like you've been doing, because a) there's no hurry, and b) you can't rush these things, you need to wait until you're absolutely sure of yourself, and at peace with your decision.

Generally, though, you should realize that there's a reason that nature made men and women, and that women can only reproduce in their younger years. Going at it alone, and having children at an age when you shouldn't normally be able to anymore, sound a bit like a recipe for disaster to me.

Good luck with everything.

undothatbutton · 2023-09-28T15:37:59+00:00

Whatever you’re avoiding facing within yourself that’s making your relationships go so poorly is going to show up in your relationship with your children. You can’t avoid inner work by avoiding romantic relationships. In fact, the mother-child relationship will be even more triggering than any romantic one you’ve been in. A child’s purpose is never to fulfill an adult’s desires. You say you don’t trust yourself — that will show up so so so hard in motherhood. So you need to work on yourself first. Trying to side step your own improvement is going to harm you children. And if you truly have spent your whole life yearning for these children, then SURELY you want to be your best self for them. They deserve that.

This isn’t to say you need to be married to have children, or there’s a problem becoming a SMBC if all your ducks are in a row. But that’s not your situation, clearly. You have a lot of growing to do and it shows.

You’re 22. Go nun mode. Go to therapy. Read some self help books. Save money. Dig deep and figure yourself out. Lay out your actual goals for self improvement. Freeze some eggs if you must. Let your brain continue developing. Revisit the idea when you’re 25+.

AutoModerator · 2023-09-27T22:17:57+00:00

Title: Considering becoming a SMBC?

Full text: I’ve thought about this a lot, I told myself my last relationship was the last time I would try be in a relationship and if it doesn’t work out then I’m giving up on love. It didn’t work out. I was convinced that I would never want to be intimate with another man that was not my ex… I slept with my ex recently… I needed to figure things out for myself. I realized I don’t even want to be intimate with him again either. It was more like closure because I was able to tell him that I am ready to let him go and I would like to cut contact and I feel okay.

I don’t trust myself to pick the right man and I’m scared of making a mistake or having regrets on who I marry so I’m not trying anymore and I appreciate this sub, it’s taught me so much but the whole science behind how to vet, keep a man, this that, but It’s too much for me. I think i’m just very lazy or I depleted all my energy and hope on my last relationship. I don’t think even if I got into a relationship again I would be able to give him the best of me because I really just feel lazy to try. It’s a me problem and when I have my mind set on something it’s very hard for me to look back.

I’m working on myself for myself and because I want to be a good person and mother. I’m not looking for sympathy, I just wanted to vent because I’m turning 22 in a few weeks and I have started doing my research on finding a sperm donor/freezing my eggs. I have a consultation with my gynaecologist soon too. I know I want kids, I just want my own babies to care for and love. I’m okay to do that alone. I have a good support system and I’m planning on working really hard to provide for my babies.

I would like to freeze my eggs soon because I did some ovulation tests at home and my ovulation is regular so I want to do it while i’m still young. I’m really terrified because I mean of course I don’t know what raising a child is like but I know this is what I want to do and being a mom is my dream so I’m just gonna take the leap. I know people say single mothers raise criminals but I’m going to educate myself on how to raise them as best as I can to avoid that.

I’ve acknowledged that dedicating myself to a life of singleness will be hard, there’s a 50% chance I may regret it when i’m 60 years old but when I weigh the pros and cons, I would rather be single with my babies than make a huge mistake and I don’t trust myself to not make a huge mistake. I think choosing who you marry is one of the most important decisions in your life, too much pressure for me tbh. I have so much to work on still internally and I may never be in a place where I feel ready to make that decision so I would rather just not.

But I have questions on what is it like being pregnant? What is it like being a mom?

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Title	Considering becoming a SMBC?
Author	burner4567890
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	September 27, 2023 10:17 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/16txzjk/considering_becoming_a_smbc/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/considering-becoming-a-smbc.1233238 https://theredarchive.com/post/1233238

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