Consistency and other things

Scared-Tea-8911 · 2022-10-21T19:31:29+00:00

I recommend this for lots of people in lots of situations… it sounds like a dirty word to some, or like liberal quackery to others…. THERAPY. Someone to talk to, other than your dear husband, about everything going on with your mom/sisters. Someone to keep you accountable to self-care, loving words, and your other goals on a weekly basis. Someone to help you get to the root of why you do the things you do, and help give you problem solving methods that will improve your results (ie, coping mechanisms for anxiety other than carpet bombing your husband with texts that are not actionable). Therapists are not monsters trying to get everyone on psychoactive drugs anymore. Find someone who specializes in CBT, and see if that helps. ❤️‍🩹

My other suggestions would be… 1. Find an accountability partner or group. Find a bible study (or other relevant study group) and find a mentor who has been married a long time that can give you advice or be a tender ear. 2. Put it in the calendar. During your upswings of motivation, mark out time on your calendar or make bookings to get a massage, do your nails, read a book, whatever. I find that this really helps me with physical activity… I’ll book yoga or other classes a month at a time on a “motivated” day, to eliminate decision fatigue at the actual moment of choice. 3. Accept the love you are given, and stop comparing. Your husband clearly cares for you, and knows you are having a rough time. We are all imperfect and fall short - but this line of thinking (“my husband deserves better”) will be a self fulfilling prophecy. Part of self care and self love is picking yourself up when you make a mistake, and continuing to move forward in a positive direction. The fact that you have found something which works is a good step in the right direction, and the fact that you keep coming back is proof that you are committed to self improvement. It is a long process to improve any bad habits (unkind words, losing yourself, etc.) and they key is to keep trying and getting better each step of the way.

Wishing you peace and comfort in this difficult hour. ❤️‍🩹

Teacup000 · 2022-10-21T20:01:12+00:00

I recommend trying to meditate or pray or whatever suits you for 5-10 minutes when you wake up and when you go to bed. Think about who you want to be in the morning. Reflect on the day and where you can improve at night.

Sometimes life gets in the way. I was sick a couple weeks ago and getting through the days was so hard. I was ashamed of my actions and my temperament. Now that I'm feeling better, I can look back and see that it was just too much and I was too tired. I'm glad some days are easier than others, but it just seems like you have so much on your plate right now.

NamelessOneHere · 2022-10-21T21:38:36+00:00

I'm not in your situation, but I definitely struggle with consistency. What helps me and steadies my mood:

-Like Teacup said, prayer. These days I am trying to take a few minutes in the middle of the day to pray, whenever I feel myself getting overwhelmed. Prayer reminds me of what's important and eternal. But it also gives me the chance to open myself up and admit to my darker feelings.

-Lowering my expectations. I am trying to accept that sometimes I'm going to lose my temper; sometimes I'm going to mess up in all kinds of ways. When my kids mess up, I give them a hug and tell them that it's okay. So by extension, shouldn't it also be okay when I mess up?

-Easy meals when I'm not in the mood to cook. Take-out when it fits the budget. Encouraging the kids to cook. Making them help with cleanup.

-Making it easier to care for myself. Putting a novel in my bag so that I can read instead of scrolling through my phone when I have a little spare time. Buying a few nice soaps and lotions. Etc etc.

-Spending time with close friends and letting myself gripe.

Wishing you well in this tough time. It sounds like you are doing amazingly well.

AutoModerator · 2022-10-21T17:48:05+00:00

Title: Consistency and other things

Full text: Things are settling into a routine at my house (to anyone who has read my past posts, my mom is in chemo and all the craziness and upheaval of that is settling into our new “normal”.)

I need help with being consistent. What I mean is this: I will be listening to and reading Laura Doyle (doing self care, showing gratitude, etc) and other things to actively make me a better person overall and a better wife. Then I just stop. I stop caring as much because the effort seems to hard or life gets hard or I’m tired or overwhelmed.

I’m on the upswing of turning on the podcast yesterday and being frustrated that I’ve turned back into grouchy, ungrateful, non self caring me.

The thing is - my husband has been amazing through everything. He’s shown his true colors and generosity in the last two weeks. Then all I can zone in on is how he’s still very emotionally distant or we haven’t had sex more than twice in a month a half. So then I end up pushing him away again.

In hindsight, I lost sight of staying on my page, self care, I used him as a emotional punching bag (lots of frantic text messages while he was at work about my sisters and mom while he can’t do anything to help).

And I’m so disappointed in myself.

I imagine the idea of this being a highly emotional time makes this all okay. Which I would agree with if this wasn’t just my pattern. If I’m not intentional almost all the time, I fall back into my old patterns and habits (which end up making me miserable anyway).

My husband doesn’t have a reliable wife then because he doesn’t know if he will get the sweet, self-cared-for, happy person or the resentful, irritable, worn out person. It’s like I know all the right things and I kick myself later for taking the “easy” road.

Any insights?

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Hannahjasmine444 · 2022-10-24T22:57:03+00:00

I found that food was one of the BEST things for me personally! When I didn’t eat on time or ate crappy foods it exacerbated the tiniest swings in my mood. This may not fix any issues but it goes such a long way to helping you stabilise throughout the day!

Irritability and tiredness from a lack of nutrients can throw you off course, make sure those basic human needs are met first and foremost, if you don’t have your basic needs met then your body will struggle to make up for it!

That being said, like a lot of the other advice on this thread, fill your spiritual/ emotional cup! 5minutes of prayer is massive, so anything you can to remind yourself of the joy and positivity of the smallest things in your life!

And of course, tell your husband if you’re feeling a little stretched thin so he isn’t caught off guard

Sending Lots of love for you in this difficult time

Title	Consistency and other things
Author	anothergoodbook
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	October 21, 2022 5:48 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/y9zwgo/consistency_and_other_things/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/consistency-and-other-things.1136177 https://theredarchive.com/post/1136177

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