Dealing with male/female attraction at work while in a LTR

popschips92 · 2017-11-28T18:57:35+00:00

it frustrates me how easy it is to flirt with him but I suppose it’s just biology

What kind of garbage is this? No it’s not your biology. You can curb your inappropriate behavior. It’s just as easy to NOT flirt with him— unless you WANT to and that is its own problem/ your SO deserves better than a girl who can’t even type at a computer for a temporary amount of time without getting hot for someone else.

TheLaughingRhino · 2017-11-29T03:51:48+00:00

I really don't vibe with most of what PUA theory says ( Pick Up Artists, the precursor to what has become the Red Pill methodology) Most of what it pushes that works is just simple and raw approaching. Take action. That's the biggest takeaway from that system. But the one hard truth from it was from David DeAngelo, who said-

"Attraction is not a choice. "

You are attracted to whom you are attracted to and that's basic biology at work. No ones fault.

How you choose to ACT or REACT to that attraction is however a choice. And what you do, your choices, defines who you are as a person.

Here is the one true test of any relationship and your choices - Are you behaving in a way that you'd want your spouse/SO/LTR/partner to behave if the situation was reversed? Are you using The Golden Rule?

If your SO was working with a female in the same kind of situation, and you were a fly on the wall and he was flirting/had attraction, in the way you are, how would you feel? Would you feel betrayed? Would you feel he was showing your respect to your relationship, but more to point, his bond and word to be faithful and committed to you?

I'm not asking you to answer that here. You can answer it for yourself in private if you wish. This is not to shame you, this is to try to put clarity on the situation.

If you treat someone in a manner under which you would NOT want to be treated yourself - then you don't respect that person.

A lack of respect can spin out from all different kinds of reasons, but the purposes of this thread, if you don't respect him, nothing else matters.

NO respect = No relationship.

Someone who is truly committed will RISK NOTHING to even come close to damaging their relationship.

The talk about "stable" and "talking about money" and "starting a business" and "getting a career" will indicate what is important to you. What we talk about, is important to us. There is nothing wrong with wanting either financial stability or a financial situation beyond the one you have currently. There is even nothing wrong with seeing relationships in a "transactional" manner. One guy has one situation, you prefer another type of lifestyle, the next guy has a lifestyle you want, you aren't married, you don't have kids, so you move on from one to another. It happens. It's not the end of the world. Here's the long term problem though, "transactional" situations rarely go in one direction. If you prefer one guys lifestyle, what happens if it ends? The other situation is what if the "transaction" on his side is your youth and your current base of looks/level of attraction. You are a decade younger. What happens when you get older? Rule of life, there are no real rules, but the general way it works is we get as much mercy as we give to others. We draw people like ourselves into our lives. If you pick anything other than character, then you are picking someone who also picks anything other than character.

A legitimate Captain will treat you in a way he wants to be treated, even if no one is looking

A legitimate First Mate will treat you in a way she wants to be treated, even if no one is looking.

It's when no one is looking that we find our character. No one can take your character, one can only give it away. Most give it away so cheaply as well.

Ask yourself if there is actually respect here. Just staying isn't respect. Not sleeping with a new guy isn't respect either. Only you can answer based on the conditions when no one is looking. If there is no respect, the relationship is over. When it ends is another matter. I'm sure someone might say, well it's not that simple. Sadly, it is that simple. Relationships don't end like in the movies, with big grand gestures and monologues. They end in quiet mundane moments, with a series of small choices, like everything else in this life.

Good luck.

StepfordInTexas · 2017-11-28T19:29:50+00:00

Being feminine and friendly is different than being flirtatious and it’s a very hard line. You e recognized that you’ve crossed that line. Now you just need to work to fix that.

Keep your discussions with your coworker on topic and about work. Do not give compliments. Do not talk about your personal life at all. Do not exchange personal numbers, if you have block him immediately. Do not socialize outside of work. If you’ve already done these things, stop immediately. The best way to communicate with your coworker is to “grey rock”. Be boring. Communicate with the least words effective.

As for your SO, you’ve got some serious work to do to repair your relationship if this is where you are at. It’s not impossible. Read the sidebar and throw yourself into RP. Good luck.

blibby83 · 2017-11-28T19:10:50+00:00

I feel bad for your SO.

Fiveohsoon · 2017-11-29T09:13:06+00:00

It seems like you are not attracted to your SO anymore. Just by reading your post it looks like all you can do is talk down about your relationship with him. Yes attraction is biological but that is the risk you take when entering a relationship...can you be with one person and be sure that you wont fool around with someone else?
It seems that you are not ready for a relationship yet because otherwise you would not have even posted this. If you want to cheat then you might as well just break up with your SO before you end up hurting him even more and making things harder for both of you.

LateralThinker13 · 2017-11-28T21:54:52+00:00

Set boundaries. Keep work professional. Don't let your hamster run amok.

I know also its the "new" feeling of having a guy attracted to me after only being social with my SO and no one else (we rarely go out with friends and such).

This worries me most. This is not healthy.

Title	Dealing with male/female attraction at work while in a LTR
Author	frenchinspace
Upvotes	1
Comments	20
Date	November 28, 2017 6:46 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/7g6dp4/dealing_with_malefemale_attraction_at_work_while/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/dealing-with-malefemale-attraction-at-work-while.73837 https://theredarchive.com/post/73837

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