Feedback needed?

Economy-Criticism768 · 2024-04-26T06:30:40+00:00

Yeah it was a bit confusing to read and maybe came off as passive aggressive. Better next time if you want a date to just clearly and directly ask him on one

lyricalpearl · 2024-04-26T12:38:53+00:00

Kudos to you for working on making positive changes to move towards what you want in life.

I see you were thoughfully and tactfully trying to communicate that you like him and would like things to progress towards phone calls, dates, etc; but you'd prefer he initiates that. Your last paragraph was a lot of words and unclear though. I've been working at being more clear in communication LOT myself because I have the same tendency. I could have written that text myself! Laura Doyle's book The Empowered Wife has helped me with this if you're interested in learning more about getting "clear" on what you want and communicating that without being pushy.

Ask yourself "what do I want?"

Communicate that with "I would love ..."

In this instance, "I would love to talk on the phone sometime", "I would love to meet up sometime", etc

Also it's nice to tell people what you already do like, "I love that you called me," "I loved when you asked me out on a date and planned it for us. I felt so special and cared for".

It's putting the focus on what you want and like (a phone call/date) and no focus on what you don't want. Try to do it without any expectation of a certain outcome. You're just making a statement. Generally people enjoy making others happy, but don't enjoy feeling expectations being placed on them.

It can feel clunky and inauthentic at first. It takes courage to be vulnerable like that if you're not used to it. But it's really freeing because you're tuning into yourself and people get to hear and know the "real you" (what's in your heart). You're clearly communicating what you want and simultaneously extending and invitation for the other person to join you in fulfilling your desire. And you're doing it without initiating or being pushy.

I hope this is helpful! I wish I would have learned these practical concepts and tools when I was in my teens and twenties. It would have made dating 10000 times easier :) Best wishes.

StVirgin · 2024-04-26T06:11:18+00:00

The text comes off wordsalad-y and reads as "you're a great guy, but..."

I'm not a man, but for me the message is: he's not good enough and you're not happy. And now she's telling me what to do, but in an unclear way. So I need to process and read again (hence no response). Or he might have been turned off by getting this feedback on something he thought was progressing nicely.

I also had to read several times to understand it's NOT a goodbye message. But I'm a patient woman.

It's perhaps not lost, but I would recommend what I usually don't: ask him out in a very clear and short way. Like "so to sum up my previous message: I'd like to ask you on a date, I'm free on..." or "this is my way of asking you on a date".

Good luck OP!

TheBunk_TB · 2024-04-26T12:10:37+00:00

He likes having someone to chat with or he is dense, not trying to get laid. (Or have a committed relationship if he isn’t down for that)

yktvvvvvvvvvv · 2024-04-26T07:24:28+00:00

Things like this don’t need to be communicated by words but rather by actions. You would’ve been better off just being a slow texter and then if prompted, let him know you’re much better face to face and prefer that.

Some men are just slower than others, maybe he has a busy 10 days at work who knows. It’s important to have your own life and not come off as too desperate for a date which is what the text ended up sounding like. Besides, why would you want someone who you have to push to go on a date with you?

BudgetInteraction811 · 2024-04-26T06:22:08+00:00

10 days of chatting with no date offer means he’s not that interested. If he was simply obtuse (which doesn’t make sense at his big age) he would have replied to you asking for a date.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-26T05:04:20+00:00

Title: Feedback needed?

Author spicypeppertee

Full text: Hey ladies,

Hoping for some feedback as it seems I’ve been ghosted. I found RPW after the only man who ever treated me right and i ended things two years ago. Since then I’ve been making changes and trying to be more feminine, kind, vulnerable and vet better. I reconnected with a friend I’d known around 16 yrs old (im 29 now). We matched April 16th and i gave him my number shortly after. I was growing concerned bc he hadn’t tried to initiate any dates but he would text consistently, text me good morning, compliment me, etc etc.

I didn’t want to initiate plans bc i didn’t want to step on his toes but wanted to let him know I’m interested in meeting up so i sent the text below:

*”Well i really appreciate that and im feeling better already. This happens every once in a while so im not too worried 😊

How has your day been??

Alsooo lolol i really enjoy getting to know you but im not a huge texter and arent on dating apps for pen pals. I dont want you to think im not interested bc my texting sucks but im cognizant enough to know i prefer phone calls / dates. No worries if that's not what you're into but i just wanted to let you know so we're aligned. 😘”

He never replied to me which is out of the norm. Was i rude? Did i not say the right words? Too pushy? Trying to prevent ruining things with potential suitors so any feedback would be appreciated.

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

AutoModerator · 2024-04-26T05:04:20+00:00

Thank you for posting to RPW. Here are a couple reminders:

If you are seeking relationship advice. Make sure you are answering the guidelines for asking for advice on the rules page
Do not delete your post once you have your answers. Others may have the same question!
You must participate in your own post. If you put up a post and disappear, it will be removed.
We are not here for non-participants to study us. If you are writing a paper or just curious, read our sidebar and wiki and old posts.
Men are not allowed to ask questions and generally discouraged from participating unless they are older, partnered and have Red Pill experience.
Within the last year, RedPillWomen has had over half a dozen 'Banned from 'x' subreddit' post for commenting/subscribing to RPW. Moving forwards, the mods will remove these types of posts: 1, 2, 3, 4. We recommend you make a RPW specific account.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Jenneapolis · 2024-04-27T01:21:25+00:00

Personally my rule for online dating is if they don’t ask me out within a week, I will move on. Some women are OK asking guys out too which you can do, I have just found when I did that most men would say yes because *opportunity, but they ended up being men that weren’t that interested in me so it was a waste of time.

Your message was too wordy and confusing and you way overexplained yourself. It is best to be direct in the talking pre-date 1 phase. Don’t make excuses for yourself or say I’m sorry or lol or use cute emojis if you are trying to impart something serious. If you are at the point where he has not asked you out, you can either end the connection or ask him out directly i.e. “So we’ve been talking for a while, do you want to do it over coffee?” - but what you did was kind of passive aggressive i.e. “I’m not here for a penpal, I’m not a big texter, I prefer calls and dates.”

Title	Feedback needed?
Author	spicypeppertee
Upvotes	4
Comments	15
Date	April 26, 2024 5:04 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1cdd0sb/feedback_needed/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/feedback-needed.1516438 https://theredarchive.com/post/1516438

Comments