Hey everyone, I (F22) usually keep my circle of friends really small. I’ve always wanted to have a close group of girlfriends, the kind you can go out to eat with, hang out comfortably, and genuinely support each other. But lately, I’ve been noticing a pattern that’s been bothering me.

A lot of the women I’ve met seem to turn things into a competition or act like they need to “one-up” me. Some even get weirdly possessive, like they want to be a bigger priority in my life than my boyfriend.

For example, one of my newer friends and I were getting ready for a football game recently and we both looked great. I love giving compliments because they’re free and they make people feel good, so I told her she looked amazing. But she kept asking me how she looked again and again, clearly needing reassurance, and never once returned the compliment.

There have also been moments where she’s made backhanded comments about my body. We both care about fitness, but I wasn’t blessed with a curvier figure, and she once joked that my butt probably “sounds like cardboard” when I’m intimate with my boyfriend. I had to stop her and tell her that wasn’t okay. I felt like she wanted me to be insecure about my body?

This kind of thing keeps happening in different forms, and I’m starting to wonder if I’m just attracting the wrong people or missing red flags early on. I don’t want to be paranoid, but I also don’t want to keep pouring into one sided friendships where I’m the only one being supportive.

Has anyone else experienced this? How do you find genuine, kind hearted female friends as an adult without all the hidden competition or weird energy?