tl;dr I'm a person who is either a total slob or ocd about my life. BF and me would prefer me to be a normal hard working person that is able to bend the rules without degenerating into laziness.

What is the problem? (Neutral phrasing: use words like "we," and "our" so that you aren't trying to off-load problems at your SO's feet when there's actually plenty of blame to go around)

I'm not exactly sure what the problem is - I guess there are more several, so this will be a wall of text - I'll try to make it chronologically.

Before I even met my current boyfriend, I had some depression going on. Basically I was a useless slob and unable to concentrate on my studies. That was about 4-5 years ago and now I'm not depressed anymore and able to concentrate on my work (phd student) but I'm still a useless slob - I guess I have always been a useless slob, but when I was younger, my internet time, etc. was restricted so I'd just do homework out of boredom, etc.

Anyways, since I'm not 10 anymore and sick and tired about being a useless slob I implemented all kinds of ways to force myself to be productive, and it's mostly working, although I'm still pretty much useless on the weekends. Basically I use habitrpg and 4 daily ToDo lists to organize myself into doing stuff from cleaning my face, drinking enough, working to playing hobbies and be on time. I'm pretty compulsive about this - and I feel I should be or else I'll fuck up my life.

However, this compulsiveness is not good for our relationship, since my boyfriend wants me to be more relaxed about things and not be so anal about my ToDo lists and being on time at work and such. He would like to stay in bed every day till 9:00 or something, skip breakfast and work till 20:00. Atm he starts work at 11:00 to 12:00 every day. He is a phd student as well, but on a scholarship, so he's not required to work hours or has a set work time. I'm bound to work times, although no one enforces them. - I just try to be there so my project partners don't think I'm lazy.

Of course this means we have less time to spend as a couple, and we have to decide every day anew whether he gets his morning hour of cuddling and sex or I get to be at work on time. I know mentally that it's not a big deal to be late, however, every time I'm late I turn into slob mode and have to stay till 20:00 to get my stuff done bc I get trouble starting or whatever.

I also have an issue with being late for appointments with friends and parents. I'm a naturally late person, and I hate that about myself, so I started this year with not being late anymore. This is pretty effective most of the times, but it's having its toll on our relationship when we're both late on the way.

Additional problem is that I'm really bad at hiding my feelings and he is really good at detecting them. I'm not even sure I should hide them bc that would be lying to him, wouldn't it?

Anyways, so when I skip my plan I naturally hate myself and he always realizes that and says I should relax more.

What are your faults? How have you contributed to the creation of these issues?

I'm a lazy slob who cannot naturally work and eat and live without compulsion. I instantly turn into slob mode if I leave my schedule and I'm anal about my expected working times although no one enforces them.

Why do you think this (these) problem(s) manifested?

I'm not sure. I guess I have never been thoroughly punished for my laziness (school was all As, parents rejected ideas of plans and lists to get my faults into order and instead relied on hours of discussions). Edit: I also haven't been punished by life (yet), in case that phrasing wasn't clear.

The direct problem manifested when we moved in together, since we have to adapt our routines to each other.

What steps have you already taken to try and resolve the problem?

Don't work on Saturdays in order to have more time to clean the flat and do groceries. Clean my daily plan out of optional things. However, everything I think of to resolve this problem would just add another layer of compulsion to it.

How long has this been an issue?

Laziness: Since forever. Compulsiveness: Since I started my phd.

Are you making a mountain out of a mole-hill? If a woman you really despised came to you with this issue, would you still think it's a legitimate concern? Or would you tell her she's throwing things out of proportion?

I don't know. Probably I am making a mountain out of a mole hill.

How's your bedroom life right now? Are you taking care of his needs emotionally and physically?

We have sex about 2-3 times a week. Recently we didn't have PiV intercourse due to heat. We try to make it up with HJs/BJs.

Emotional/Physical needs: Not enough else we wouldn't have this problem. See: Lack of morning sex and cuddling mentioned above.

Edit: Fixed some typo, added some clarification.