How can I improve my self-confidence?

Protocol_Apollo · 2023-03-01T15:07:40+00:00

There is no secret sauce.

You’re going to have to do the things you’re not feeling confident to do (yet).

Confidence comes after doing. So start doing. After a while, you’ll go “hey you know what, x y z isn’t that bad”.

Cut it in pieces if you have to, eg using equipment. Start with equipment you feel is easier /“safer” to use or start using equipment at quieter times.

You’ll find it easier to use the good girl/bad girl machine in the corner of the gym than the hack squat in the centre of the gym. You’ll find it easier using the bench press on a Friday morning than Monday 5pm where there’s 6 guys on it.

Take the makeup example. Instead of jumping straight into no makeup, you could gradually decrease it.

So first day, put your usual on. Then another time, just only do eyebrows, eyelashes and a bit of blush/foundation/whatever the fuck you put on your cheeks. Then next time, just eyebrows and eyelashes. Then next time do them half as intensely and so on.

Gym is a good place to practice your social skills too. Easy to make female friends there since women really tend to gravitate towards other women since they’re stuck in an environment with like 80-90% men.

Armchair678 · 2023-03-01T15:07:28+00:00

Honestly you just have to force yourself to do it. And then have realistic expectations that the results may not be great at first because it doesn’t come naturally to you and it’s hard and that’s totally ok.

Start by reading “How to Win Friends and Influence People”. I’m naturally introverted and have to read it every 2-3 years to freshen up. There’s nothing in it that’s surprising. It’s very basic info and it works. The thing is our personalities sometimes make it hard to execute. The great thing is that it actually teaches you to talk less in social situations, and tells you what to say when you do talk.

Honestly, therapy is helpful but it’ll do nothing if you can’t change your thinking. It can tell you why you think how you do, but it won’t change how you think. Look in the mirror and reflect on who you are. Truly from the beginning. Start with your grandparents and how they love you. Then your immediate family. Then decide whether you honor them by loving yourself. You get to decide that. If you don’t love yourself you’re dishonoring every generation that came before you. Decide that you’re going to try your best and put your best self out there. You’re valuable. No bully who doesn’t even know you can take that away from you.

CountTheBees · 2023-03-01T21:01:20+00:00

Start small. Have you tried practicing talking to strangers? Eg at the grocery store, deliberately choose a manned checkout. Make sure to look up at them, say hello. Do that every time. If you're feeling bold you can throw in a "How are you?" Baby steps. If you fumble your words, it's ok, they'll forget you in 5 minutes. Practice just doing that. Work your way up to bigger conversations with friends - eg if it helps, talk to friends one on one. Then maybe two at a time. Then three. Etc.

Alt-acct123 · 2023-03-01T18:05:49+00:00

Besides therapy, I’d suggest “fake it until you make it.” Come up with a list of actionable tasks. (Try to be as objective as possible and remove any emotion.)

Would being more physically attractive make you more confident? Make a plan for your fitness, makeup, clothes, or whatever would make you feel good about your looks. Signing up for some personal training sessions could help you be more comfortable in the gym.

Would having more friends make you more confident? Take steps to strengthen existing friendships and to meet new friends (join a volunteer group, take a class, etc.).

It sounds like getting treatment for your anxiety would be the biggest help though. If it’s a cost issue, maybe you could talk to your primary care physician instead of a therapist.

No_Objective_1239 · 2023-03-01T21:34:19+00:00

I second the starting small comment. Starting small works!

I’d also add self-reflecting after each small feat. Try to be aware of your thoughts. Were you using a piece of equipment and decide to get off it suddenly? Why? Did someone look at you, or did you have a thought that possibly shamed or discouraged yourself?

Eventually you’ll discover patterns. “I noticed I try to hide a certain body part. What happened in my past that made me insecure about this body part?” Then go back and feel the feelings you didn’t feel in the original encounter.

Also try to be aware of how it feels to gain motivation to go back to the gym. What are you enjoying about the machine? How do your muscles feel? What is pleasant about the environment? For feminine energy, feeling is important.

One thing that can trip you up is shaming yourself for accomplishing small things. So when you did something and feel good about yourself, thoughts like “how pathetic, here I am at age X feeling happy I could use a gym machine” can pop up. Don’t bully yourself into stopping! Talk back if you have to. “You’re just jealous, brain. You don’t even have legs to workout with. But don’t worry, you are still a good organ. I appreciate that you take over breathing for me so I can focus on other things.”

Even standing up for yourself, starting small works.

Mission_Honeydew_597 · 2023-03-03T15:45:52+00:00

Hey love 🤍

Kids are so cruel. I hate that you went through that. I hope you heal from this, I really want that for you.

Count on us (me, you, or even this community) to help empower you. How about some affirmations to start with. It won’t work help you over night. But it’s a start and words have power, your subconscious mind will believe it before you do. Let’s start with

“I still deserve love while I’m learning to love myself”

Internal confidence is learning to trust yourself. Look for validation and approval from yourself first always. The guilt and shame comes from being bullied. We learned to anticipate it. The things that you think people are thinking about you they’re not. Stop judging yourself, you’re not threatening no one or doing anything bad. Your validation matters more than a complete stranger.

But let’s take back that narrative. You’ll have to learn how to be comfortable with being uncomfortable for right now. Maybe work on some exposure therapy. The only way to get over the made up negative opinions we think people will have of us is to do all the things. Try it with baby steps.

When you do learn to come out of your shell and be yourself and stop trying to fit in, you’ll find the people for you. That’ll be a fulfilling life but I can’t say it’ll be easy but the introspection work is worth it.

Also don’t attach your self love/esteem to anything but you as a person. Don’t attach it to you as the gym rat or you as the person who has friends who accept you for you. Sounds crazy right ? But self love is you being okay with you. When you open your eyes you’re okay with where you’re at because you look at your past and accept it. Even if you haven’t been in the gym for months or you and your friends on bad terms.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-01T13:51:35+00:00

Title: How can I improve my self-confidence?

Full text: Hey guys, it is me again. My self-esteem is incredibly low because I was bullied in high school for a long time. Although I have turned 24, I have no idea how to develop a relationship, including friendships. I'm too shy to use equipment at the gym, even though I know no one cares. I always try to hide my face or put on makeup. I feel so quite anxious when I speaking in a group of friends. I am in a situation like this, trying to improve myself. I kinda feel exhausted and trapped and I wanna change it. Do you have any suggestions for improving my self-confidence except therapy?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	How can I improve my self-confidence?
Author	Subject_Community995
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	March 1, 2023 1:51 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11f4afw/how_can_i_improve_my_selfconfidence/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-can-i-improve-my-self-confidence.1153953 https://theredarchive.com/post/1153953

Comments