How do you know when he will really propose?

Flatwormmm · 2020-06-28T11:58:45+00:00

We never spoke directly about proposals, but knew we were on the same page regarding marriage.

Before we were engaged, my husband mentioned wanting to buy real estate together. I told him that I would love that, but would not mix our finances until we were married. He proposed a month later and we were married a few months after that.

HappilyMrs · 2020-06-28T10:06:03+00:00

My best friend had this. They'd even bought a ring, and he just didn't ever get round to proposing, there was always some excuse or he would ignore the topic. Eventually she was taking an army job so they had to get married so they could get married quarters. I honestly don't know he'd ever have asked, he was lukewarm about it.

2020-06-28T13:30:08+00:00

No, your friend’s case is not ideal or typical. It could easily indicate a bigger problem. Does she already live with him?

Early in our relationship— early enough that we were getting all of our cards out on the table with little to no pressure, since it was too early to be anything but completely hypothetical— my husband and I had discussed our timelines around marriage.

I said I would not move in with somebody before we were engaged. He said he would only consider proposing to someone after the 1-year mark.

At the one-year mark it was clear he intended to propose. We went on two trips to look at rings and then he told me not to open any mail that came in his name.

Shortly after he started telling me he was tired of me living somewhere else and wanted me to move in. I said “I figured I’d move in after we got engaged, like I always said.” He said very cheerfully, “Oh! Okay, I’m okay waiting that long then.”

So the only surprise was the exact date and time.

LouiseConnor · 2020-06-28T10:43:41+00:00

With your friend, it’s strange. I knew we were getting engaged Bc we discussed it, but I didn’t know when he would propose. It wasn’t long after. It was pretty obvious at the time though Bc we were LDR and he set up some surprises with my friends before he can for a visit shortly after we talked about getting married and agreed that was the right thing for us.

1ovewaters · 2020-06-28T11:39:22+00:00

you should talk about it and get on the same page, when you feel comfortable, where is okay (some people hate or love public proposals)

Mewster1818 · 2020-06-28T21:35:07+00:00

My husband and I bought a ring together, and I gave it to him to let him choose when to propose and how.

Well after about 6 months and several failed attempts at proposing I finally just told him to give me the ring. He was not lukewarm about wanting to get married, but he's very introverted so the pressure of something like the "famous tv/social media/ dream proposals" made him very stressed out(seriously I have never seen him that stressed and anxious before or after).

That said I do not think that the situation you described is comparable to mine. He was always very onboard with marriage, very direct and open about wanting to get married, never said things like:

he openly says that he has the urge to propose.

If he had the urge to propose then he would have done it imho, or at the very least he would be far more committed to marrying her and would have been well before now from what you've described.

That said, it does sound like she may be overly consumed with the idea of getting engaged. I would not be surprised if in someway she's giving him "performance anxiety" by constantly talking about it and forcing the issue. I don't think that's necessarily appropriate behaviour(especially since it sounds like this has been constantly ongoing for about 3 years). If she wants to get married then she needs to give him a firm goal and not flex on that goal, if he is unwilling to get married to her by that date then she should move on. She should not be making it a constant conversation topic.

KathrynHogan · 2020-06-28T15:24:58+00:00

The short answer to when a man will propose is:

“When he feels ready and capable of providing for you as a husband” - whatever that means to him.

There’s some thing strange about your friends situation... 🤔 it’s hard to say what exactly. The problem is you only hear her side of the story. It does sound like she’s obsessed with getting married.

As for how to approach the topic of engagement with a boyfriend - I think being clear about your needs and boundaries is the best way. “Yes, I’d love to live together! And if it goes as well as I think it will, I’ll need to get engaged at some point. If you’re open to that, let’s do it! I’m also happy to talk about what marriage means to me etc” is an example from my relationship when my husband first asked me to move in together.

Over the next few years we talked a lot about what kind of lives we wanted, and it became clear we wanted a life together and were both committed to building that. My husband said a few times “I expect I’ll propose soon”... and then didn’t lol! It was tough.

So I asked him straightforwardly: you’ve said this in the past, and I really want that to happen, but I trust your judgment on timing. In the meantime it would help me to know what you like about our relationship as it is now (boyfriend/girlfriend) vs being engaged? He thought about it and said “nothing actually!” So I asked ok, what do you need in order to propose then? He answered “well gosh I need to give you a beautiful ring so I need a better job which is why I’m upgrading my skills with school and working so hard to get good grades and going to the gym and...”

Turns out everything he was doing in his life was aimed towards him being ready to be a good husband! I told him I didn’t need a fancy ring and what really mattered and was valuable to me was the commitment. He was shocked. “Really?!?” I assured him I meant it and he proposed right there on the spot!

Animalcrossing4eva · 2020-06-28T13:18:09+00:00

I've been engaged 3 times in my life. The first time it was his idea to begin with, he bought a ring off ebay, but he bought it on my computer and I looked at the history and saw it. I guess I should have pretended I hadn't seen it because he got miffed about that. I really wanted him to show me the ring when he got it and I just kept it and never gave it back and started wearing it. So he didn't really propose properly or anything. He later told me that this moment made him not want to marry me, but I think he's a pussy cuck, he was so fucking sensitive about everything and had refused to ever talk honestly about his feelings, I was supposed to read his mind. One time he visited me and got upset because I wasn't wearing my ring, in my own room, and I was like "I keep it right here." and put it on, and he got moody about it. I nagged him for a year to set a date and he never would and he eventually broke up with me. He later wanted to get back together but I refused.

The second guy never bought a ring, never had a proper proposal, we just kind of talked about it and was like "Yeah, we should probably get married." Luckily we decided not to get marriage licenses, and just were "common law" married and said we were married, but our state didn't recognize common law. So when I finally broke up with him, it was easy, no paperwork. I supported him financially for most of our relationship and he played video games and drank alcohol every waking moment.

The third time he never bought me a ring, but we talked about getting married, he really wanted to marry me, and we went down to the courthouse and got married on a day that we were both not working on a weekday. His best friend and my best friend were our witnesses. We went out to a nice restaurant after. We had only been dating for 3 months. We have been married for 7 years.

It sounds like this guy doesn't actually want to marry her, and just wants to free sex and companionship. She senses this and becomes a bit obsessive about it, she repeats these things to convince herself. If he's really manipulative he's leader her along with these lies that he's going to propose soon, taking her ring shopping, to keep the relationship going. There's not much you can do about it.

Title	How do you know when he will really propose?
Author	icantstandthiss
Upvotes	16
Comments	23
Date	June 28, 2020 9:13 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/hhbdye/how_do_you_know_when_he_will_really_propose/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-do-you-know-when-he-will-really-propose.700495 https://theredarchive.com/post/700495

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