Married 4 years, together 11 years, 1.5 kids!

Edited to add: deciding what to eat was just an example. This kind of thing happens with every decision, big and small. Also, it's being assumed that I don't give input into the decision. I very much tell him what I think about the given situation, especially because he always asks. THAT is what he latches onto in order to get me to execute the final say, on decisions BIG AND SMALL. Many times on things he should only decide for himself, as they effect him the most.

Thank you to everyone who has given advice so far.

Original post:

I never used to think I was a nag or very controlling of what my husband does day to day, but reading Surrendered Wife showed me otherwise! I'm now holding my tongue on all the little things I used to direct him on that I thought were "helpful tips" but really just made me feel better, even though it didn't really matter how it was done. He seemed to be used to it and didn't seem to mind, but I'm sure he likes the breathing room.

Besides backing off from giving out my amazing tips and pointers, I started saying the magic words, "whatever you think", "whatever you want to do", "whatever you decide". He's definitely noticed, and sometimes will ask me "why is it just what I think?" or something along those lines. Not in an accusatory way, mostly out of curiosity. (Or maybe fishing for compliments or confirmation that he's the captain... he knows I read the Surrendered Wife, and though I've hardly talked to him about what I learned from it, this is an obvious tip from the book!)

Though, in some situations where we're already frustrated about "discussing" what to decide (like where to eat or what to do with our day OR WHAT TO SPEND MONEY ON), he may get more frustrated when I keep handing the final say back to him. I recently noticed that he tries to end our decision-making discussions with me giving the final word, but making it look like he mostly decided, where he will ask me the pros and cons and leads into "soooo this decision is better, then" and waits for my execution and approval. I'm sure it's because he doesn't want to end up making the "wrong" decision. He's got a lifetime of being "corrected", redirected and criticized for his decisions from his mother... I don't want to continue that trend!

Thanks for reading!! :)

*Edited for clarity and formatting