How to manage a seemingly sudden libido difference?

Kara__El · 2019-10-09T12:39:15+00:00

Without animosity, I'm going to say that you're being really self-absorbed about this. I understand assuming you're the problem, but if things were great until now, it's likely there are other things going on in his life that are stressing him out. You're right in thinking you shouldn't point fingers, but perhaps you should investigate, without considering your own sex life first. For example, instead of saying "We don't have sex as much these days and it's really bothering me" ask "Is there anything going on at work that you haven't told me? You seem distant lately."

I also think it's worth considering that your relationship is no longer new. The sex levels off and 4 times a week can be a lot, depending on what's going on in your life. Even if he opens up and tells you about trouble with his boss, you may be facing a twice a week reality, in the future, because you're just getting comfortable with each other. It's up to you to decide if you're okay with that.

In the meantime, stop taking so much responsibility for this. Relationships ebb and flow and if you're doing anything wrong, it's obsessing about this and assuming it's all about you. I think you should definitely take that yoga class, not to be more of a mystery, bit to focus your energy on something else.

janeaustenfan99 · 2019-10-09T13:32:19+00:00

It more than likely has nothing to do with you personally, so don't beat yourself up over it. That will only make it worse.

jayval90 · 2019-10-09T14:24:40+00:00

Did this all start pretty much as soon as you moved in together?

RedPillMissionary · 2019-10-09T13:23:00+00:00

Is he looking at pornography? That definitely ruined an old relationship of mine. Also, his T might be dropping if he was previously on steroids or TRT. And finally, some men fall into a passive role in relationships. You can try talking to him about it.

helluvamom · 2019-10-09T22:23:30+00:00

My first thought is testosterone. Going from 3-4/wk to 0-1 is a huge change. And yes, maybe he does have something going on at work etc. but I’ve never been with a man who would refuse sex days in a row just because they were stressed at work. Maybe here and there, maybe decrease slightly, but not a total 180. And not continuous. If men are feeling aroused, they’re gonna do something to get some. Sorry, but it’s true. If you have no reason to think he’s cheating etc then it could be a medical issue. It’s worth discussing although you should be prepared for this topic to make him somewhat defensive. Approach it gently.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-09T12:53:27+00:00

I’ve been with my husband for ten years and my hamster spins if sex drops down to less than 3 times a week.

You know the reasons I’ve been given when it does?

“We have a new change over going on at work and I’m stressed.”

“I’m not feeling well right now”

“I have some projects due.”

So, it’s not me and it’s probably not you.

Also keep in mind if you’re already down to 2 or 3 times a week at 1.5 years that means he doesn’t have that high of a sex drive. We were still making love every day at that stage. Which it’s ok if your relationship is different. People have different drives but I’m telling you this because it’s obviously not something you have to worry about because he’s obviously low need in this area.

You might be under or overestimating? I have a period app on my phone that’s tracks periods and sexual activity so I know exactly what’s going on in my marriage in terms of physical intimacy. You should download it. This way I can say “are you stressed out more this week compared to last?” I also started keeping track because his doctor put him on several libido lowering meds. So I had to keep track so he can go back to the doctor to either drop or change meds. He’s now on a low dose of only two blood pressure meds which is the only reason it’s dropped down so far in frequency.

Title	How to manage a seemingly sudden libido difference?
Author	goatfiery
Upvotes	7
Comments	19
Date	October 9, 2019 10:50 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dffb6r/how_to_manage_a_seemingly_sudden_libido_difference/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/how-to-manage-a-seemingly-sudden-libido-difference.289479 https://theredarchive.com/post/289479

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