I hate trying to date.

ginlady · 2017-09-20T03:16:09+00:00

Haha, I can relate to you. I met my boyfriend from online dating, he was my second date. I was shaking in my boots he was so attractive. I knew he had very strong potential the moment I met him in person. Focus on the little things, like having a clear, strong, but delicate voice. You don't want to sound worried, or afraid. Stand up straight and have open body posture. Don't cross yours arms, face him when he is speaking, so don't turn your shoulders away or anything. Eye contact is also huge, but make so to break it occasionally, it shouldn't be a staring contest lol.

As for topics, start the vetting process if you're wanting a boyfriend, if not I'd just make sure he's not a psycho haha. For boyfriend questions, ask about his family life. Brothers, sisters. What does he do in his free time? For work? What are his career goals, life goals? Does he have a vision of where he wants to be in 3, 5, 10 years? And little stuff like what's his favorite color? Food? Local restaurant? What's the weirdest work situation he's been in? Has he ever been out of the country? Where did he go, what did he do? Does he want to travel more? And turn these questions around and think about how you would answer them.

Just remember, this isn't an interrogation, go with the flow. If there is no flow, why? Is he too timid to ask questions, does he only want to convince you to have sex with him? Is he just plain boring or incompatible with you? If the conversation gets stagnant you could be kind of tongue in cheek and say "nice weather, huh?" Or something equally inane, showing you recognize the silence and want to fill it.

You'll get better at talking to people, just give it time. I was a very shy, withdrawn child and didn't really grow out of it until I turned seventeen and worked as a CNA at a nursing home for a year, where I had to be nice and talk to lots of new people every day.

The biggest things are:

Know what you want in a man (does he need to have a stable income, certain personality traits such as frugal, dominant, outgoing, etc., does he need to like dogs, does he talk poorly of exes, that kind of thing)

Know what you are bringing to the table. Emphasize the good, do your best to minimize the bad but try not to acknowledge the bad too much.

Know what you want. One night stand, friends with benefits, short term boyfriend, looking for the one, etc. Make sure he's looking for the same thing as you.

The socializing skills will be built over time, just be yourself, have fun, and relax. Everyone has awkward conversations, awkward dates, etc. The guy I went on a date with before my bf said he wanted to marry me towards the end of the date, huge red flag! He hardly knew me. Also, how do you even respond to that? It was incredibly awkward ghosting him, he was persistent.

Oh, also, remember never to let him pick you up or drop you off until you know you can trust him. Do t want creepers with your address.

Also, also, there's some amazing reading material in the side bar.

Kara_El · 2017-09-20T05:01:46+00:00

I was in a similar place six years ago. I was getting over an early (well justified) divorce and had just lost a ton of weight. I'd never dated and had no idea how to talk to men, how to bring up the divorce, how to make it clear I wasn't an easy lay, without awkwardly blurting out that I wasn't an easy lay. My best friend gave me the best advice: you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

If you don't like him, you can end the date reasonably early and you never have to see him again. If he doesn't like you and he says so, you never have to see him again. If he asks you if he can come inside, you can say no. If he makes an ugly comment, you can leave. You are only obligated to try, if you want to meet someone. That's all. Hearing that really helped, because it's all especially true with online dating. He's a stranger and he can stay that way if you want.

For what it's worth, I'm married now, because I did keep trying.

RubyWooToo · 2017-09-20T13:31:09+00:00

Keep in mind that you literally have nothing to lose here. The absolute worst case scenario is that you meet a guy and either he doesn't like you, you don't like him, or you don't like each other.

Don't view your dates as auditions; see them as interesting excursions where you're getting to meet new people. At the end of the day, men are human beings... Not ciphers you need to crack or aliens to be afraid of. If there's chemistry and attraction, the flirting will come naturally. If you have common interests, you'll find things to talk about.

Also, as a first date, I recommend going for coffee or drinks... Something casual that requires very little time and that you can easily bail on if things go south.

But just relax and try to have fun.

fumblesRPW · 2017-09-20T12:20:25+00:00

/u/Kara_El summed it up nicely -- "you don't have to do anything if you don't want to". It's always awkward or difficult to make it clear you're not an easy lay without just blurting it out.

I just came out of period of duty dating. I went on A LOT of first dates, and they get easier. I'd never dated before (just mainly 'hanging out' until a relationship happened), so I WAS TERRIFIED. I'm also in the middle of losing weight, I've made excellent progress and my enthusiasm and motivation shows.

What Helped Me: I read Surrendered Single about 800 times, and started accepting dates from anyone who didn't give me the willies. After the first 4 First Dates, things got a lot easier. I was able to relax more, and as my confidence grew, my dates became higher-quality.

Really, it's just practice makes perfect.

the_fat_whisperer · 2017-09-22T11:54:42+00:00

I don't think women are given this advice as much as men, but dating is often a numbers game if you are actively looking for a relationship rather than having happened to meet someone you would like to date. The more first dates you go on, the easier they become and the better you will be at spotting what might lead to a second or what might be better off ending after the date is over. As far as weight contributing to a lower quality of men, I have genuine but tough advice to give. Water seeks its own level. Whether you are a man or a woman, the quality of person you attract is almost always entirely dependent on the quality of person that you are. Self-improvement is the best response to the feeling that you are not meeting the kinds of people you would like to. This means physically, educationally, and in personality. A good friend will tell you that you deserve the best and no one is good enough for you. Genuine advice dictates that to get the best, you have to earn it.

HelloNeo · 2017-09-24T21:30:31+00:00

It's just one of those things where you get better over time. Also branch out during conversations if you hit a topic where you can expand on and just go with the flow. It should be a bit of give and take for both parties. Soon, you'll find yourself more comfortable and less anxious.

Title	I hate trying to date.
Author	pinkdrawings
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	September 20, 2017 2:10 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/717zrj/i_hate_trying_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/i-hate-trying-to-date.73459 https://theredarchive.com/post/73459

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