Is this harassment? How to react?

gittelchana · 2016-07-25T16:03:25+00:00

My classmates (girls) in our group say they are all joking and they are just stupid.

They are not joking. They are quite serious in trying to get into your pants. They are also very bad at playing their own game.

These guys are a mixture of immature, creepy, desperate and lonely. I think you should cut ties with all four of them. You'll only have headaches and heartaches from these guys.

Don't engage in their stupidity. Just tell them you aren't interested in them. You'll have an easier time finding a quality man when you aren't around such people.

TheRedStoic · 2016-07-25T17:30:52+00:00

Among the guys, a couple are kind of quiet nice guys who think about studying and you hardly ever (or never) hear them talking about sex in public. However, 4 of them are very horny 24/7 and keep on making.irty jokes. I'll call them T, P, B, C to make it clear and avoid using their names.

those who cannot, speak, those who can, do. This makes perfect sense seen it plenty of times on both genders (usually in very different context)

T makes dirty jokes at each and every girl around him. He keeps quiet only when girls in a LTR are with their boyfriend around. Since I'm single, he's never quiet when he's around me. He's strongly religious and I don't think he really wants sex, once he told me he has some psychological problems and he's seeing a specialist (he did not tell me which problems in particular). One episode, among many: I gave him a lift after class, and he kept on pretending he wanted to touch me in the car. I asked him how things are with a girl he was dating, he replied she's busy with study and he's busy too so he didn't want a girl at all. So: doesn't want a LTR, doesn't want sex (because of religion). Why does he make dirty jokes at me and how to react?

He makes dirty jokes because you tolerate it. You're giving a guy who is blatantly callus and disrespectful to you rides? Really? If the script were flipped I wouldn't remember the persons name. Tell him directly if that continues you won't be associating. It's disrespectful. And follow through.

B: he says he has no problems in finding a girl for casual sex, but still makes dirty jokes at me. He often asks me to drink (I don't like alcohol) and to go to the toilet and have sex. I refuse, obviously, and often tell him he should be really desperate to behave like that. He uses to reply he's not depserate, he bangs a lot of girls whenever he wants, and he thinks I'm too rigid and have a sad life because I don't drink and I've not had sex since 2014 (last time I was in a LTR). How do I deal with him? He behaves like that with many girls, but mainly with me, and he's often drunk when he does that.

He's delusional. Guys who act aggressively usually have many other things to offer, haven't heard any other aspect about him that's appealing. Tell him the same as the last.

C: he makes dirty jokes at each and every girl around him, in the whole university. He says he's no problems in finding an easy girl. He's some sort of the joker of the group, so I usually let him do, otherwise I'd look too touchy.

Those who do, act, those who can't, speak. Same as above. Most likely lying. Same as the last two in what to say.

P: he's been my friend for some months, he's in a LTR but things with his girls go badly and he's planning to break up but he hasn't done it yet. It's months he wants to break up but never does. He said his gf doesn't want to have sex anymore, and he stays months without just because she doesn't want. He makes dirty jokes at me, and sometimes asks if I never get horny or if I want to have sex (always laughing or with laughing emoticons, if by message). I denied for months, of course, and told him I just want a LTR and I'm not interested in casual sex, not to mention with someone already taken. I've also asked him if he has some nice guy friends, but he always denied. Now I'm not talking to him anymore, and neither he does, even if we never really had a fight.

He's trying to guilt or victim plea you into sex. In other words, whether the consciously thinks it or not, he acts on "insert pity, get laid". Why are you still chilling with these guys? Move on! Same as the last three in response though guilt or pity bandits are in my opinion, best removed without confrontation. They have the habit of getting crazy.

My classmates (girls) in our group say they are all joking and they are just stupid. Their advice is to reply to them trying to make them feel dumb and beta, highlighting the fact they should be desperate to say things like that and it's probably ages they don't have sex anymore. Since I've been multiple times on the edge to tell them (especially P, B and T - C is sort of excused being the joker of the group) to f*** off, the girls advised me to never get angry at them, never reply harshly to them, and always laugh and joke back, because they say that those guys are only joking and if I don't laugh and joke back I'll surely look touchy, irritable (and spoil my reputation with all the other people in the group, nice guys included).

And yet your friends are giving them attention, the ultimate base of easy validation. I'd posit that your friends like the confirmation more than they like having standards for friends. (It sounds very harsh I admit, but think about it.) Are these really the people who agree with your moral and belief choices?

Now, what's RPW's advice? Is this harassment? Could this prevent guys from considering me for a LTR? All the guys in the group have it clear I'm not an easy one, I've not had sex for 2 years, and I only want a LTR or nothing, so I don't think they are really hoping to get sex from me. This autumn many of them will be in the same MSc I chose, even though with different majors (luckily), but general courses are in common. How do I prevent them from spoiling my reputation with possible new nice guys in the class?

1) this won't affect other (presumably desirable to you) guys view of you too poorly, they won't care, but they won't commit to a girl who can't respect her own boundaries either. Take that with a grain of salt.

2) you owe yourself a better, More respectful friends circle.

3) good guys can recognize blowhards and vindictiveness very quickly, it reeks of envy. The sooner the sources of the problem are cut out, the better and more understood you'll be. Congruence increases when complaints and declarations match action.

Tldr. I fully understand your issues with this cohort, but your actions would make me very skeptical. You have agency! Embrace it!

VigilantRedRooster · 2016-07-25T18:20:46+00:00

Lots of good advice in this thread; I agree with the consensus that these are not guys you want to hang around with, and they will displace good guys from being available.

Offer a person one nice explanation that it's inappropriate and you don't want these comments. The next time, be firm about it. When it happens a third time, become cold to the person, shun them socially. On an individual level, people like this will always try to flip the script and make you the bad person. Stand by your principles though, because on a collective level, his reputation will eventually catch up with him.

An internet definition I'd like to mention here:

Schroedinger's Douchebag. This is someone who verbally pushes the envelope of propriety, then waits to observe peoples' reactions before deciding whether to declare "It was only a joke! Come on, lighten up!"

MsSadieDunham · 2016-07-25T16:36:43+00:00

I'm fairly certain T is only saying he doesn't want sex specifically so he can cross lines with you and not have you get weirded out.
B wants to sleep with you and is just getting aggressive and disgusting about it.
C sounds life your average college guy, just talking a big game
P is actively trying to sleep with you as well

These guys would all jump into bed with you if you gave the green light.

Is this harassment?

You have never actually firmly and in a serious manner asked these guys to stop, at least not that you have said. You have not actively avoided them only to be pursued. It is not harassment.

Could this prevent guys from considering me for a LTR?

Yes, it could. These guys can be viewed as beta orbiters or as a FWB's (people just make assumptions like that). Plus at least one of them has a reputation for treating all women as he treats you, I'm sure many people assume you have slept with at least one of the guys.

nspikeu · 2016-07-26T17:25:58+00:00

None of those guys respect you, joking around or laughing things off isn't a no to people like this instead they have taken it as an admission to keep going. They still see you as a chance and they don't take you seriously. Likely they even think you like it, and are just playing hard to get.

Once respect is lost, it's really hard to claw it back. I'm not sure why you are worried about being cranky v.s. being cool. If you are respected, then you get both. If you can't make them listen, keep trying new ways, it should not be akward for you to tell them to get out of your space, because they are the ones in the wrong. You reserve the right to be cranky when someone treats you like that, they are the ones who should feel akward. Demanding respect is so worth it, it's nice to be treated like a lady, and a person.

Don't ever be alone with them, shit can happen quickly with people like this, I can guarentee cutting these guys out and finding people who you trust, and who take you seriously and see you as a person with valid opinions and desires will just boost your social situation and life all around. These guys are just dragging you down.

Every time you don't speak up you damage your reputation, being nice is a trend, but a useless one. Everyone pushes their values all of the time, if you don't want to be the lowest denominator, you have to push back with yours. It really grinds my gears when women give this type of advice.

FriedHayek · 2016-07-25T17:47:28+00:00

You've described four guys with traits, traits which ought to be avoided.

Would you want a sister or a daughter to be with guys like these ones?

If you'd had the option to replace this group of guys, with a new group of four guys, would you want them to be more proper and gentlemanly? If yes, and if you think you're enough to to 'afford' better guys, then you ought to avoid these T, P, B and C.

If guys who joke like this don't clean up the act, if they don't keep their locker room humor contained in the locker rooms, then they aren't clean in other areas of their personality. If they're unable to be clean, if they can't 'wash themselves', then you don't want to be with them, you shouldn't want to invite them anywhere.

My classmates (girls) in our group say they are all joking and they are just stupid.

True. However, if the girls aren't at least attempting to charismatically or otherwise influence the unclean boys to behave, if they don't stop them from staining you, if they're enabling the boys through inaction, then I don't think you want to be so very close to these girls either.

Title	Is this harassment? How to react?
Author	violet_wall_flower
Upvotes	5
Comments	29
Date	July 25, 2016 3:47 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4uj91k/is_this_harassment_how_to_react/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/is-this-harassment-how-to-react.86329 https://theredarchive.com/post/86329

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