Nagging

lady_baker · 2016-05-25T18:40:39+00:00

Yes. I bite my tongue often. Literally just close my mouth in the middle of the first word of the sentence that would have been naggy.

It would be even better to apply the "good wife" filter before I start talking, rather than at the same time as, but I'm still learning!

dansmelly · 2016-05-25T19:44:50+00:00

"What I should have said was nothing"... this has become an important reminder in my mind. Also, I've learned that if I need to question if something is "naggy" in my mind, say nothing!! I find leaving the room for a second can help me get myself in check. Learn where your line is. Is it really necessary to say something? Do I really need to point out that the husband is not doing a chore "my" way; nope! Leave him to do his thing. If he asks for a suggestion or help, that is the time to offer a new method or whatever! After practicing a few times I found it got better! I have issues with OCD behaviour (it can be hard to let that control go!), but it's worth not being that shrew (in my mind). :) All the best!

IsleView · 2016-05-25T20:12:13+00:00

Arguments in general are weak without context. My SO is a very empathetic person but that can only go so far toward understanding my feelings. Sometimes I sit down with him and say, "Such-and-such is happening. It causes these consequences, and makes me feel these ways, because of stuff and things." Sometimes I wait until he personally experiences what has been bugging me. That way, he appreciates the issue without my bringing it up away from its context.

I "read back" my nag to myself and often cannot think of any way I would feel good while responding to it if I were him. HE is not doing something he SHOULD. Such an approach is bound to make him feel like I do not respect him. So, I consider this: am I wanting to nag because this particular thing is part of something bigger that concerns me, or do I want to nag because I want that outcome and cannot execute it myself for x y and z reasons? This helps me see the forest for the trees.

Sometimes he doesn't ever do something I've wanted to nag him about. In those cases, I see that it was of no real consequence or agitation to him, otherwise he would have taken charge. Do I want to question his decisions as leader, make him feel like I am questioning him as the man of our family? Nagging negates leadership. He stops leading when I start nagging. So, what do I need to do in order to get what I really want? Respecting him as leader is a Win-Win-Win.

Mentathiel · 2016-05-25T21:43:12+00:00

I remind myself that it's not the thing I'm about to nag about that's really making me feel bad/stressed/annoyed/whatever and I try to pinpoint the issue that is and discuss that or work on the problem at hand. Sometimes, it's so small (like leaving something in improper place) that you could solve in 20 seconds if you took action yourself. Always think "What could be done to fix the situation?" and "Is that thing really so hard to do?" first. If, even after reminding yourself how easy the thing is, you still feel upset because things are piling up for you or something or they aren't being considerate or something, just talk to them about the real issue, not the small thing you've picked out to annoy them with.

Nagging is often a way to deflect the blame from the things you're doing wrong or feeling guilty about. Asking help from your SO about your feelings is also good, they're generally responsive and that makes you feel cared for and enables you to approach it from a more positive angle. Even telling them that you feel upset with them, but you know you're being overly dramatic and you want to stop etc. etc. will generally make them sympathetic and make you feel better.

currant_scone · 2016-05-25T22:11:28+00:00

Others have already written a lot of constructive advice, so instead of reiterating it I'll say that in the moments I want to nag, I'll try and take some deep, diaphragmatic breaths to release some of the emotional tension. Recognizing that what you want to say is nagging is the first step, which it sounds like you already do! After this comes further practice to distance yourself from the impulse instead of feeding it, or worse "fusing" with it.

2016-05-26T00:05:07+00:00

I just try to think before my actions. I am obsessed with not sounding selfish and bitchy. So I mostly do love talk instead of bitch - which I used to be the queen of doing it btw.

Splyced · 2016-05-26T00:42:15+00:00

Sometimes I write it out, rephrase, frame context and memorize and then find the right time to bring it up. This helps keep me from coming off bitchy or saying it off tone.

marmar80 · 2016-05-26T10:13:36+00:00

The urge to nag has nothing to do with your SO. It has to do with a want or desire that is not being met or fear that it won't be met if you put it out there. I suggest taking a look within yourself when you have the urge to nag and find out what's eating at you.

blindedbythebrights · 2016-05-26T12:34:27+00:00

The need to vent is completely natural, and can't just be "sucked in" without repercussions to your mental health. But (!) there are other ways to let negative energy out: maybe go exercise if you're really feeling furious, and other than that, make sure you have some good female friends that you hold close enough to talk about your husbands together. It might even help you gain some perspective!

Twinmumma14 · 2016-05-27T02:29:48+00:00

I have the same problem. Im kinda getting better at waiting for the right time. Like after he goes to the gym or after he had his "me time"

Title	Nagging
Author	loverofbooks96
Upvotes	21
Comments	15
Date	May 25, 2016 6:29 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/4l146z/nagging/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/nagging.86199 https://theredarchive.com/post/86199

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