On neediness.....

[deleted] · 2017-03-30T13:21:12+00:00

I was watching a movie with a date once and his phone started ringing and he didn't answer it. I told him "it's ok to answer it I don't mind, I appreciate that you didn't jump right for it." and he said "No it's ok I don't want to. My phone is not there for others' convenience, it's there for my convenience." Pretty smart, huh?

I know we're a generation of texters but it can really hurt us.

Try this: break up your clinginess into hours of the day. REALIZE when you are doing it- glancing at your phone too often to see if he responded yet, scrolling through IG until he responds, etc. You'd be amazed at how those hours add up.

Instead of scrolling IG for an hour, hit the gym doing even light/minor exercise. If you did this every day with that hour, you would transform your body/become one of those beautiful Cali girls yourself. Not only that, but you'd be less clingy.

If you have an iPhone, you can disable iMessage preview or you can disable notifications entirely. By disabling iMessage preview, the alert would show up on your lock screen as "Kayla sent an iMessage" rather than showing the body of the text. That way you don't get distracted thinking of a response, you just think "Oh Kayla texted. I'll get back to her in a bit."

I took it a step further and set "Do Not Disturb" on all text convos w/ ppl closest to me. Sounds counterintuitive but it makes sense. They're closest to me and we text each other the most, so I won't forget about them. That way when I'm in the middle of a task I don't even see the "Kayla sent an iMessage" blurb at all. I just have a dry phone until I remember that I have my notifications off.

It's simple but I know it isn't easy. It takes discipline. And you need discipline. As soon as you feel yourself feeling a little down bc you haven't heard from him, tell your brain STOP and go force yourself to do something else that's productive- work out, read a chapter in a book, etc. It's also best if you start taking up a hobby that requires you to build up skill--try adult ballet, belly dancing, yoga, or knitting. You don't have to become a ballerina- you can start with at-home videos. They take up time & you're learning something new in the process.

Word of advice- if you feel intimidated by another woman, you've already lost. Her excellence doesn't have to take away from your own. If you see a woman who is beautiful, smart, fit, etc then just learn from her rather than be intimidated. Being intimidated is just negative energy for you. When I see a beautiful woman carrying a book AND she has bouncy, shiny hair I think "damn what a bad bitch :P Im gonna go to the gym today."

EDIT: typo

Kara_El · 2017-03-30T12:14:05+00:00

Text that friend. Drive her crazy. ;)

MissRatatouille · 2017-03-30T09:47:36+00:00

Your friend could be onto something with the no phone thing. I once left my phone in my car before a 6 hour school function without texting my SO yet that day. Much to my surprise my guy texted and emailed me to ask if my phone was broken/I was okay! He's a pretty big talker/texter for a guy but it still felt very freeing not to think about my phone at all.

In my past relationships I definitely had clinginess issues but now I'm in school and working part time so I'm gone 12 hours a day during the week. Basically, I am much busier than I ever have been so not much time to be clingy these days! Is there a book you've been meaning to read? Maybe a friend you haven't had coffee with in a while. A household project like cleaning the attic or sorting your clothes/getting rid of things you don't wear could also be a great use of the time he'll be away.

Also, you're allowed to feel this way sometimes. Since you're used to being around him, it's natural to feel clingier when he's gone. Be honest with him and let him know you're feeling clingy because you miss him, but you know it's going to make seeing him even more exciting! Staying positive will help!

est-la-lune · 2017-03-30T15:38:26+00:00

As a born and bred Californian, there are no more good-looking women in California than anywhere else.

And as far as LA goes, I'm pretty sure there isn't a single woman who is relationship material in that s***hole. :)

teammeli · 2017-03-30T14:27:53+00:00

from reading some of your other posts on other subs, being in an open relationship sounds like a one way ticket to insecurity and neediness. clinging and neediness stem from insecurity and fear. I don't blame you - I would be constantly checking my phone if I were you!

build your value, find your independence, and you will find a man that loves and values you 100%. do this and you will find your captain. this guy doesn't sound like captain material.

loneliness-inc · 2017-03-30T17:19:56+00:00

You can actually have it both ways, but the key to that is that it be crystal clear that you're okay with him not always responding to your texts or responding after a delay in time with short texts. If you're okay with that, you can text him all you want and he will respond when he can.

cynicalhousewife · 2017-03-30T20:40:18+00:00

It sounds to me like you have some insecurities within the relationship itself because you compare yourself to other women. If it's any consolation to you he probably wouldn't be with you if you were not the best he could do. I would stop worrying about those 'california beauties'. As for the texting maybe you could agree to touch in briefly every now and then and that's it. If he doesn't reply to you for a day and that's not unusual for him then don't fret. Is your relationship long distance by any chance? That's a challenge in itself and it takes two people who are completely dedicated to being in the relationship.

ClementinePeach · 2017-03-31T03:45:34+00:00

All of this is terrific advice. I'd just like to add one more thing - naturally, you feel inclined to text him open-ended, response-demanding text messages, e.g.; "What are you doing? How was your day?" I would suggest, if you feel like contacting him but want to avoid demanding his attention when he's not prepared to give it, texting him something like: "thinking of you!" or "just reminding you of how handsome you are!"

He will appreciate telling you about his time at UCLA if you allow him to do so when he's feeling like opening up; let him initiate this. I understand the difficulty - long-term is so hard! But, I think, the possibility for self-discipline is the single trait humans have that is characteristically their own; in cultivating that, you're cultivating the essence of your humanity.

Congratulations for your path to fitness and your hubby's education. Good luck xoxox

Title	On neediness.....
Author	ElliePDX
Upvotes	10
Comments	8
Date	March 30, 2017 5:24 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/62c2d1/on_neediness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/on-neediness.87121 https://theredarchive.com/post/87121

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