So, you like a guy and you’re wondering if you should take your relationship to the next level. Below, I’ve listed some of the important traits you should consider before embarking on a serious relationship. It’s filtered through my own tastes and preferences, but I’ve tried to make it general enough so that it applies to women in general. For some of the options, there's no right or wrong answer, but it's important that you're both on the same page.

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  • Conscientiousness/follow through. When he says he’ll do something, does he do it? Or is he a terminal procrastinator? Is he dependable?
    • Nagging is unattractive to men, so get a man who doesn’t need to be nagged and will do the things he’s supposed to do without you having to play the role of his mother. Common advice here is not to nag a man and to inspire him to do his best by being loving and attentive. News flash: this only works if your husband isn’t an irresponsible slob.
    • In a similar vein: cleaning. Is his house decently organized? Are there giant piles of dirty dishes in his sink? Are all of his belongings in huge piles, or neatly stowed away? Does he arrive at events on time? All of this is tied to conscientiousness.
  • Attitudes about money.
    • How much does he spend on luxuries, like eating out and going on trips? How much does he save every month? 40% of adults cannot cover an emergency expense of $400, which means that a majority of adults are grossly financially irresponsible. To what extent does he value “enjoying the moment” vs. saving for the future?
    • Is he generous? Does he want to treat you, or does he expect you to Venmo you back the $3.32 for coffee? Is he comfortable with you treating him? (The extent to which your finances are entangled will probably change over the course of your relationship as your status goes from date>girlfriend>long term girlfriend>wife, but enduring attitudes about money will not.)
  • Family.
    • Is he on good terms with his parents? Will his family make your life difficult? Did his parents model a healthy relationship when he was a child? Do they expect to have a role in raising potential future children? Do they have different cultural expectations than your family? How loyal is he to them (e.g. would he loan his sister money or let her stay at his house if she was down on her luck)? What kind of family dynamic does he want with you?
  • Attitudes about work.
    • Some people consider their job to be a focal point in their life. Some consider it a life goal to earn as much as possible. Others consider their job just something they do so they can live a comfortable life. Where does he fall on the spectrum? How much of his life and energy does he want to devote to work, vs. other things (like hobbies, spending time with you, raising a family)?
    • Are you on the same page with regards to having children? Do you have similar philosophies about what role the parents should play in child rearing?
  • Dealing with conflict.
    • Sometimes, you’ll need to be direct and tell him that something about his behavior needs to change, or you’ll need to address a problem in the relationship. Is he open to criticism? Or does he get angry and lash out? Does he refuse to talk about certain things, or get prickly and irritated often?
    • When he comes to you with problems, is he tactful and direct? Or does he stew in his own discontentedness before he finally explodes? Does he readily tell you about things that bother him and provide a reasonable solution?
  • Emotional Calm/Stoicism. Does he complain a lot? Does he panic when things don’t go according to plan?
  • Respect.
    • Does he respect you? Does he value your opinions and preferences? Is he respectful to your friends and people like service and retail workers?
    • Alternately, do people respect him? Will he be a doormat if other people mistreat him or you? Can he stand up for himself?
  • Humor! Does he make you laugh? Do you feel relaxed and happy around him? Or do you feel like you’re putting on a performance?

Things I think are OVER emphasized when it comes to relationships:

  • Shared music/hobbies/TV shows. I consider this to be the icing on the cake, not a core part of the relationship. If you can spend extended periods of time together and enjoy each others' presence, that's good enough. If you have fun hobbies you share, all the better. But I don’t think it’s by any means important that you like the same music, TV shows, or activities as long as you can spend time together while enjoying yourselves. He can go hiking with his friend Paul and you can play the violin on your own time. It's important that you have lives outside of one another.

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This is my opinion, and the things I thought about when considering my relationship. Interested to hear others' thoughts on the matter, too.