So, I (19F) have been “e-dating” a man (29M) since August 2018; we live coast to coast in the US. We had plans to meet in July and I was going to transfer to college over there. Yesterday, I found out he was cheating on me.

Except I’m not sure it can even be called cheating. He met another girl online, they texted, and it gradually became much more than friendly. I found out accidentally. She and I became friends somehow and last night she mentioned his name and how he had his phone number, full name, address, etc. She said they had sent each other nudes and flirted often. This was all before she knew I was “with” him. I let her ramble and then told her when she was done. Afterward, she sent me multiple screenshots of their conversation (as recently as two days ago) and a screenrecording to prove her story.

The texts included him saying he wanted more with her, wanted to impregnate her, complaining she never called him, sexually explicit stuff, sardonically joking she had a BF and acting jealous about it, etc. Much more than just friendly talking which is what he claimed it was.

Before I sent him the proof I had, I gave him the opportunity to tell me the truth. He didn’t. He denied everything, saying she was crazy and that he “couldn’t even remember giving her his phone number”. He basically played dumb the entire time. It’s also important to note he’s extremely private and has told me regularly he only talks to girls he wants to hook up with. There’s no way they were “just friends”.

After I sent him what she sent me, he became very angry and told me to stop sending them to him and basically to f*ck off. Today, he was mad that she would even talk to me in the first place. He continuously deflected blame onto her calling her crazy and psycho. He told me that it meant nothing to him and that he cared about me “so so much” as well but let’s be real - that’s not true.

So, my question is: how do I approach this? Can I really blame him? I mean, August to July is a long time for him to wait. And is this truly a big deal, objectively? We haven’t even met. Is it justified to feel so utterly betrayed and hurt and enraged? I genuinely cared and cried for him, wanted him to be my first. I’ve never been in a relationship before and I just feel stupid now.