Pornography Conversation

PenelopeSchoonmaker · 2025-02-16T02:30:17+00:00

You don’t need to accept a man who chooses to watch other people having sex on a screen. Porn causes so many issues and so much heartache. It’s not jealous or controlling to be put off by this

TheFeminineFrame · 2025-02-15T17:46:21+00:00

First things first, it is very important that you understand this is not about some failure on your part. His porn use has nothing to do with you.

I would broach the topic when you are both somewhat relaxed. Something along the lines of:

“You told me that you watched porn before and I thought that I was ok with it. Seeing it on your phone made me realize that it is a problem for me. Would you be willing to stop?”

Be prepared for all sorts of reactions from being ultra defensive to begging for your forgiveness. He straight up might tell you that he doesn’t think it’s a big deal and will continue or he might tell you he will stop.

Depending on how much of a user he is he may or may not be able to “just quit” despite his best intentions and you should be prepared for that as well.

You just moved in a month ago. Consider very carefully if this is something you want in your life because there is a good chance it won’t just go away.

https://thefeminineframe.com/pornography-and-your-marriage/

Jenneapolis · 2025-02-15T18:48:22+00:00

What is the age gap?

Sudden_Extent_5300 · 2025-02-15T16:41:45+00:00

Look up the negative consequences of Porn. Look up what the Nofap community is and why it was created.It would benefit both you and your man to stop his pornography watching, that shit fucks you up and numbs you to life. I wish you too the best in life

Wife_and_Mama · 2025-02-15T18:38:10+00:00

You do not have to accept porn usage in a relationship. You do not have to compromise. There are plenty of people who are becoming aware of the damage wrought by porn. No porn is a realistic and achievable requirement in a partner.

Another reason that i’m less okay with it, aside from the emotional aspect for me, is because we have pretty misaligned sex drives, he usually wants sex once or twice a week, whereas I would be happy having it everyday or every other day.

My husband and I are similar. After 10 years with four kids in the last four, I'd love to have sex more often. The only thing that keeps this from becoming a major issue in our marriage is that my husband does not use porn, in any capacity. He does not tell me he's too tired, only to hide away in front of his phone or computer. Additionally, out of all the issues we've faced in the last 10 years, porn addiction has never been one and will never be one. That's quite comforting.

I won't tell you to end this relationship. I will tell you that you don't have to listen to the men and women who tell you this is normal, healthy, that everyone does it. If this is your line, you can draw it. You'll never be younger and hotter than you are now. If you want a man who doesn’t use porn, you can find it. You can also talk to your boyfriend about the devastating impact of porn, how you both feel about it, and see if you can come to an arrangement that makes you both comfortable.

RepeatMyNameBro · 2025-02-16T21:07:52+00:00

Are you with a 45 year old man?

AutoModerator · 2025-02-15T16:24:56+00:00

Title: Pornography Conversation

Author riplan0

Full text: I (19F) have just moved in with my first boyfriend about a month ago, and while I knew before we lived together that he watched porn, and it didn’t bother me, last night I noticed he had some in his phone history (I wasn’t snooping, he was just opening Google right next to me and I saw it). I jokingly mentioned it, saying something about how he should learn to use private browsing, but honestly it really bothered me, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it last night and this morning. It just makes me feel very insecure, like i’m failing him, especially considering we aren’t long distance anymore and literally live together. I’ve never rejected him sexually, and I wouldn’t, and I try my best to be a good woman for him.

Another reason that i’m less okay with it, aside from the emotional aspect for me, is because we have pretty misaligned sex drives, he usually wants sex once or twice a week, whereas I would be happy having it everyday or every other day. This is something he is aware of and has apologized to me for (unprompted, I never pressure him for sex or shame him for not wanting it as much as I do, I understand that he’s older and has his own stuff going on), but I feel that the porn is certainly contributing to that.

I’m just looking for some advice from other people in this community on how to approach the conversation, as I would really like to ask him to stop, but i’m not sure if I even should; I feel like i’m just being jealous and controlling. On the other hand, it’s something that really bothers me, and it makes my heart hurt. I’d feel much better if he stopped, but I don’t know how to express it to him in a positive manner or when the right time to bring it up would be. Any advice or perspectives would be greatly appreciated.

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Luscious-Grass · 2025-02-17T21:37:19+00:00

You shouldn’t be living with him.

BitExpensive7688 · 2025-02-19T13:45:05+00:00

Being with a porn addict is the single worst experience of my life. Do not have his kids and get out of the relationship. Take it from me and all the betrayal trauma therapists- if you’re dreaming about it or having an intuition, you are RIGHT. That stuff is our body communicating danger. Seriously if I could save every woman ever from experiencing this I would dedicate my life to it

Left_Complex2164 · 2025-02-15T22:53:37+00:00

These type of posts should have more comments then poll bumps.

Interesting situation, probably is more common then it seems. Sometimes self-reflection is more important here then talking to your partner.

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youllknowwhenitstime · 2025-02-19T04:19:18+00:00

You moved in with him a month ago. This is what's called a shit test; you're subconsciously looking for something to test how much backbone he has, and you will make the relationship rocky if he shows any signs of weakness during the process. Tread very, very carefully. Every woman is capable of shit-testing past the amount of backbone she can reasonably acquire in a mate.

>we have pretty misaligned sex drives

1) Did you know this before moving in? 2) If he never changes, is this a dealbreaker?

BitExpensive7688 · 2025-02-19T13:46:17+00:00

Look at the loveafterporn sub and ask yourself if you want that when you have other options. You’re young, unmarried, no kids. If you don’t have kids never be with a man who watches porn

VasiliyZaitzev · 2025-02-16T21:29:34+00:00

So when he looks at porn is he stroking to it or is he just looking? I ask because if he has sex with you one day a week and then jacks off the other six days your sex drives aren’t all that misaligned, it’s that he has a porn problem.

I cannot imagine letting a partner go unsatisfied because I wanted to look at pictures or video on the Internet.

AggravatingCarrot637 · 2025-07-25T11:17:53+00:00

I think you should talk to him about why he feels more comfortable watching porn and masturbating than having sex with you. Maybe with a partner he feels pressured to satisfy you, and watching porn doesn't make him feel that way. Maybe you both feel the same way. He may be afraid of not satisfying you when you have sex, and that makes him feel a lot of pressure, so he watches porn because there he doesn't feel pressured or afraid of not measuring up. When you see that he watches porn to satisfy himself, you feel the same way, that you're not satisfying him and that you're not measuring up. Make him feel that he is safe with you, that it doesn't matter whether he satisfies you or not. Initiate the movements in search of sex so that he doesn't feel the pressure of having to be the one in charge. What you want to share is sex with him, beyond whether you reach orgasm or satisfy each other. You are still getting to know each other, and just as you have fears and insecurities, he may have them too. Make him feel that you are a safe place and that you are happy to have sex with him even when you don't come or when neither of you finishes. I speak from experience, because many times when I lack confidence, I feel pressure to satisfy my partner that prevents me from enjoying myself fully. That doesn't happen with porn. I hope this helps.

CalligrapherMoney703 · 2026-04-25T14:40:53+00:00

Are u still with him?

Temporary-Exercise21 · 2026-05-17T05:22:52+00:00

Kind unrelated: sometimes… I dream about… cheese

Fun

Title	Pornography Conversation
Author	riplan0
Upvotes	14
Comments	29
Date	February 15, 2025 4:24 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1iq4z3e/pornography_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/pornography-conversation.1543944 https://theredarchive.com/post/1543944

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