insecure and anxious about dating

CountTheBees · 2024-07-21T22:03:29+00:00

If you are having trouble finding friends then it's most likely not your looks that are the issue, but something about your attitude.

Focus on finding friends first. Whatever problems you're going to encounter dating, you're probably also going to have while socialising platonically. So troubleshoot your people skills by practicing with finding friends first, because all you have to worry about there is matching interests and compatibility, none of that SMV stuff that's dragging you down.

rosesonthefloor · 2024-07-22T15:38:15+00:00

Find an organization that you would like to volunteer with, and start there. Through that, you’ll be able to work on your social skills and self-esteem at the same time. Research shows that helping others makes us view ourselves more positively, and having a sense of purpose will help build your resilience and self-image as well.

It will also help with your social skills as you’ll be in a position where you’re interacting with others you likely wouldn’t have come across otherwise. Having a shared activity is one of the best ways to build rapport and friendships/relationships.

It can be for any organization you’d like! Perhaps your church or a local animal shelter, or a hospital or retirement home, or a school or summer camp. Whatever you’re into, pursue that.

Try to focus on building up your social skills and self-esteem for now. A LOT of social skills are really just practice. So get out there and practice! Don’t focus so much on dating for now - give yourself the rest of the summer to just focus on what you can improve in this area.

But hey, who knows - maybe there will be a cute boy also volunteering with you. And maybe not. But getting out there in the real world and volunteering will help you more than you think it might. Plus, it can look killer on a resume.

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-07-21T14:59:55+00:00

You need to work on your self-esteem before you dive into the dating world. Thinking you're a 3 or 4 is pretty harsh and likely to land you with losers. If you're not morbidly obese or don't have some literal borderline deformity, you're not a frigging 3. No decent guy wants to date a woman who thinks that way about herself. Use some online tools to dress for your body. Go to the mall and choose your favorite makeup store to ask for a makeover and tips.

You're 19 and female. If you're not a bridge troll, you'll be able to date just fine, but not with this attitude.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2024-07-21T14:44:23+00:00

It’s ok to not date at this time if it makes you uncomfortable. Maybe focus on making friends now, if only for the fact that not having any friends would likely be a red flag for a good man, and is a green flag for unhealthy, abusive men. It’s ok to socialize through work and family too!

What hobbies do you have that make you feel good and not anxious or insecure? A meditation practice is always good for that too.

Practice gratitude for what you do have and don’t dwell on your perceived facial flaws. If there really is something significantly wrong with your face you can always save up for plastic surgery, but odds are you look fine and no one is noticing the things that are bothering you. Sometimes the things we assume are flaws are what attracts someone to us.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2024-07-21T16:45:48+00:00

So it is very unlikely that you are a three or four. Also, most men are way more forgiving about women’s than women are. And I promise you that no straight man ever looked at a woman and thought “Damn, that girl would be FINE - if only she had had longer eyelashes!”

You are 19 and not fat (I assume that’s what “try to stay thin” means.) fear of failure is very often worse than failure itself. But don’t worry, there is a cover for every pot as my grandmother’s people would have said.

AutoModerator · 2024-07-21T12:59:12+00:00

Title: insecure and anxious about dating

Author riplan0

Full text: im 19F and I feel so nervous when I think about trying to date that it makes me not even want to try. I’m not particularly pretty (I would guess a 3 or 4, depending on who you ask), although I do try my best to be feminine, stay thin, wear makeup, etc, I just have a lot of unattractive facial features that I loathe. I worry about using dating apps because even though I don’t filter my photos I worry that if i actually met the guy he would be disappointed, so meeting a guy irl would be best for me, but guys never ask me out. some tips or advice would be nice, honestly.

i would like to be married and have a family someday soon, but I feel like time is just passing me by because im so insecure about how I look and nervous, and I don’t know how to get past it. I’m in college right now but it’s summer break so pretty much all my socialization comes from work and my family, I don’t have any friends or strong social ties where I live, which is also a problem I can’t seem to fix. Thanks for taking the time.

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Dionne005 · 2024-07-21T21:35:53+00:00

You’re just 19. You shouldn’t be thinking about dating anxiously. I’d honestly be anxious about traveling and seeing the world with girlfriends if I was your age again. Getting free drinks from men and living the care free life. Debt free. Use your time wisely and get anxious about getting money.

Empty-Shift3631 · 2024-07-21T14:56:13+00:00

Do you have hobbies, skills, talents? Focus on these. The more you focus on them, the less self conscious you will be about your looks and the better you will actually end up looking.

One of the most attractive qualities to a guy is a woman who feels at ease in her own skin. The best way to feel at ease is to accept yourself physically, put effort into presenting yourself nicely, and then don't think about your looks or image at all on the date. Mentally focus on how talented and awesome you are, and the energy will radiate out.

Also, just try the apps. That's how I met my amazing boyfriend. It is the best way to maximize your chances of finding someone. A lot of guys just don't approach women anymore, so it's not an issue with you personally. If you don't use filters, then guys won't be disappointed. Just have a mix of makeup and non-makeup photos at varying angles.

DomMaster88 · 2024-07-21T20:50:46+00:00

Here's the thing. As a girl, even if you're 3, you can easily find a good man. You just have to find the right man. The right man, for you, is going to be moderately attractive (not super tall, not super muscular, either completely average, a little skinny, or maybe a little fat). The key thing you want, is a nice guy. A guy who's loyal, cares about you, listens to you. You don't want a player who's just going to use for for sex. A super attractive guy (who's tall, handsome, has money, status, etc) is just going to use you for sex, then discard you.

So, even as an ugly girl, you can definitely get a relationship. Just try to find a nice, loyal guy, who isn't a player. He isn't going to have tons of other options, so he will appreciate you as a loyal girlfriend.

Title	insecure and anxious about dating
Author	riplan0
Upvotes	7
Comments	25
Date	July 21, 2024 12:59 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1e8lrj8/insecure_and_anxious_about_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/insecure-and-anxious-about-dating.1524889 https://theredarchive.com/post/1524889

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