Receiving money / presents gracefully while first dating

Kara_El · 2017-06-16T12:58:03+00:00

Could I buy this for myself?

I'm old fashioned and always thought the guy should pay. So did my husband, so it worked. However, early on, I was careful to make sure we were only doing things I could cover. I was working half time and he was in oil, so this meant mid-range restaurants, movies, and the zoo.

Once we were exclusive, I allowed him to do bigger things, but they were never completely out of my price range, until we took a ski trip together at eight months. At that time, we were discussing marriage in hypotheticals, so I was comfortable making an exception.

As far as who pays for what, I'd just make sure you're on the same page. I don't think there's anything wrong with paying here or there and eventually starting a hypothetical discussion on who should pay for what.

NewMindRedPill · 2017-06-16T19:19:36+00:00

I tend to date traditional guys who pay for dates but if I'm going to cook for them I buy the ingredients.

how many dates should he pay for before the bill gets split I've usually done the reverse. If I felt the date wasn't good/unsure I would try to split and most guys didn't want me to cover it. As far as meals go, the guy always paid (unless I didn't want another date then I'd try to pay). However, at the beginning I'll try to buy my own coffee or a drink for us to split. Now, my guy insists on buying drinks so I've moved to buying ingredients to cook dinner for us. With my sister, the longer she's been with her guy the more he's covered too. He's now covering her rent, transportation, hotels when she visits him. Etc. When my mom had a long distance bf he covered hotel, plane, etc. and would send giant boxes of gifts that included (I kid you not) expensive jewelry as well as roses every month.

So to be honest, if a guy doesn't at least try to pay for a $2 tea then I subconsciously start to feel he isn't interested just because of what I saw growing up. I was usually right. Guys who really liked me would get all worked up trying to pay for me.

Rules I learned from my mom: 1) Don't accept if you're not interested in the guy 2) Reject jewelry/expensive gifts if its too early 3) Don't accept him paying for big ticket items until its more serious 4) My mom firmly believes her company is so amazing that guys should happily pay for dates and in her country the idea of the woman paying is nonexistent.

Also it seems that you want the guy to pay? Where's the line between asking for too much and coming across as a gold digger

Correct me if I'm wrong, you want a guy to make you feel special by romancing you with dinners, flowers, maybe something like theater tickets, etc?

Ezemity · 2017-06-16T17:40:18+00:00

For me this is a platonic thing, when I was dating my Fiancee, if I asked her out to dinner I paid, if she asked me she would pay. It's the same for like my grandmother or dad if I ask them to dinner or something I will pay because I requisitioned them.

Also if you are concerned with the money being spent why not during a date sneak away and buy him something? (e.g. at a movie sneak away and get a candy or something)

GuestQuest · 2017-06-17T02:39:51+00:00

I always offered to pay half, but was specifically interested in an old fashioned man, so I was more attracted to a man that wanted to pay.

You are asking about two different things:

How to accept gifts that you are given

which is very different from

How to get gifts, and set the expectation that I should be given them?

Quality men treat quality women well. Vet for a quality man, and be worthy of his investments without expecting anything.

somebody_iswatching · 2017-06-26T06:47:02+00:00

I go with the classic if you invite you pay but I still split the bill regardless. Mostly out of I don't feel comfortable with someone paying for my stuff and I don't want to feel like I owe anybody anything. Regardless of what people say they do keep track of what you spend and they might not throw it in your face later but it's still very uncomfortable to feel obligated to someone at least to me. If they do insist on paying for the whole thing I usually let them but pay for gas or something equivalent to what I've wasted. Or if I really like them and want to get to know them or I'll just say it's on me next time and maybe set up a date.

Rivkariver · 2017-06-16T04:18:17+00:00

I personally put food in a separate category bc I'm quite old fashioned. The guy covers it. That's just me though, and obviously, this only applies if the man is okay with that too. I think it applies even more if he makes more than you. I once had a bad date where the guy bragged about his 6 figure income, and he knew I was looking for work, but he wouldn't cover my meal, and I found that very off putting.

These days, who pays for food/dates is really individual to the couple. It was probably easier before, everyone knew their role.

I think for accepting larger gifts, you don't want to be in any major dependence on a guy without the protection of marriage. I'm trying to remember what Scarlett O'Hara's mother told her about accepting gifts from men courting you. It was limited to things like accessories or small trinkets, but her accepting a fancy hat from Rhett was a scandal. Something like that.

So don't be in some situation where he's supporting you, you're not a sugar baby. (I presume.) If you stay together, something thoughtful on holidays is in order.

I guess just ask yourself to what extent this gift makes you dependent. First dating it's important not to get in that role.

Title	Receiving money / presents gracefully while first dating
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	13
Date	June 16, 2017 2:50 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/6hjvvd/receiving_money_presents_gracefully_while_first/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/receiving-money-presents-gracefully-while-first.72987 https://theredarchive.com/post/72987

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