Single-Focused Men

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-10-13T18:38:39+00:00

For example, a serial cheater and/or a man that is non-committal is not worth being with.

I think you can just stop here, I don't know what it has to do with being "single-focused." You should take the man as he is. If he's non-commital and you want commitment, he is not the one.

ETA: I don't think you can take his commitment towards other things as an indication of how he will be towards you/a romantic interest. He's vetting someone to fit into his life BEFORE making that commitment. It certainly indicates what he's capable of, but not what he will do for you. I'd say there's lots of guys who are very commited to the things in their lives, and don't want to share that with a woman, so it's really not a good indicator of how commited to a woman he will be, that depends on how he feels about her, or relationships in general.

SunshineSundress · 2023-10-13T19:37:57+00:00

Which lead me to the conclusion that a man that cannot fully commit is absolutely not a man worth pursuing or even “settling for”. To be blunt, with fear of being mean, they are not a real man (possibly not yet).

This idea that a man needs to commit to you to be a “real man” is flawed in my opinion, and not because it’s mean. I wrote a post about it a few years ago, and here are some relevant excerpts:

“A HVM is commitment- and marriage-minded.”“Only HVM are willing to step up to take care of you by protecting and providing.” “He isn’t a HVM if he goes 50/50.” “A HVM prioritizes his woman.” I’ve been seeing sentiments like this around here a lot lately. While they seem pretty in line with traditional relationships where the man leads, there is one BIG pitfall with this mindset.

What do all those statements, and anything else along those lines, have in common with each other? They all place the onus on the HVM to do something that would benefit YOU. Why is this a bad thing? Isn’t RPW all about finding men who have a protective instinct towards you? Hunting down a man who wants to take care of you?

Kind of.

Yes, we absolutely want men to protect and provide for us, to lead us through times of hardship and prosperity. But trying to find a man who’s automatically ready to protect and and provide for you? Who’s chivalrous and caring from the get go? With that definition, we’re not looking for a man’s desirable masculine behavioral traits anymore. The definition of a HVM from those statements at the top of this post is more akin to a Buzzfeed listicle of what constitutes a “real man” (i.e. a man who does stuff that I want him to do for my benefit) than it is RPW strategy. With that mentality, you might as well add “HVM don’t care about your n-count” or “only HVM are willing to step up and become a step-father.” You’re more likely to end up single and alone with that list of demands that solely benefit you if you don’t put in any work to make those demands into a reality.

So how do you create committed relationships with men who have a protective instinct for you? With men that want to prioritize you and provide for you? You have to inspire him to want to commit, protect, prioritize, and provide. This means that you don’t go looking for men with innately chivalrous or protective or providing tendencies, but that the onus is on YOU to inspire commitment, protection, prioritization, and provision from an HVM (aka a man who shows desirable masculine behavioral traits that manifest in a way that fits your goals, lifestyle, morals, and preferences).

leosandlattes · 2023-10-13T20:27:42+00:00

I think it's a fair assessment to say that a man who shows no commitment to anything in life will also be more unlikely to have firm commitment to his relationship. But honestly at that point I would question why that is. Does he just not want to put effort into things? Is he unmotivated through life? Because either way, those aren't things I value and therefore we wouldn't be a good match regardless of whether he wants to commit to me.

But also, just because a man has the capacity to commit doesn't mean he will. And while I agree that a man being non-committal is not worth being with (for you or me), another woman might have a completely different experience with him. You see this with men who spend 5, 8, 10 years with a partner without marrying them, and then after they break up he marries his new girlfriend within the first year. Sometimes it's not a question of whether not he'll commit, but what he's going to commit to.

Egoistchan · 2023-10-13T21:39:39+00:00

Men are more efficient and aim for efficiency, more so than being "single focused"; a lot of successful and good men have multiple incomes, projects, side hustles, and ideas. Intelligent men want to expand and get value for time and effort. This isn't necessarily contradictory to being able to commit either. A man chooses to commit because you bring him value for time and effort, like all investments, not because he can only focus on one thing at a time.

CauliflowerElegant76 · 2023-10-13T22:49:32+00:00

Men who fear commitment are not fully grown yet... some may never grow up. I have a friend who dated old men in their 40s and they were still scared to commit. They're just teenage boys trapped in a grown man man's body. But it's their lives and it's not our place to judge them. The men ready for commitment are the ones we should be giving our time and energy to.

AutoModerator · 2023-10-13T18:11:39+00:00

Title: Single-Focused Men

Full text: In my study of men in an effort to understand and inspire them for us to build a healthy relationship that gives both of us power; in turn highlighting our unique abilities and strengths, I've learned something. I'd love to get y'alls opinion and start a discussion.

It's about the single-focus mindset of men.

If you believe that (most) men are single focused, you understand that they are basically wired to focus on only one thing at a time. They put all of their focus, attention, and energy into that one thing, whatever it is. They are wholly and fully committed.

I believe this to be true from my own experience and observations.

Which lead me to the conclusion that a man that cannot fully commit is absolutely not a man worth pursuing or even "settling" for. To be blunt, with fear of being mean, they are not a real man (possibly yet).

For example, a serial cheater and/or a man that is non-committal is not worth being with.

When vetting I think it's important to observe this. How is his commitment to his work, family, friends, pets, heck even hobbies?

What do you think? Is this too harsh a judgement, or is it vital to remember?

^{This is the original text of the post and this is an automated service}

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Title	Single-Focused Men
Author	Automatic-Praline568
Upvotes	13
Comments	18
Date	October 13, 2023 6:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1774xbo/singlefocused_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/single-focused-men.1235039 https://theredarchive.com/post/1235039

Comments