Texting/Calling in Dating

Wife_and_Mama · 2024-12-11T21:22:31+00:00

My husband and I lived about an hour apart when we were dating. He was in oil, too, so visits were limited to every other week. Sometimes we would go two or three days without texting or calling. When we did, we'd share a funny meme or story, have a conversation and go back to our lives. This left us with all kinds of things to talk about when we did see each other. It allowed both of us to enjoy our own hobbies, friends, careers, what-have-you while we could do so without constantly checking in like married people do. We got engaged at a year and a half and married at just under two years.

Whole people have whole lives. It's healthy not to constantly be tied to your phone, sharing every detail of your lives with each other. It's completely normal for him to maintain this level of contact because men, especially in their 30s, are not really texters. The ones who engage in this behavior are largely... well, simps. I can't really think of a less charged way to word it. They're eager for any scrap of attention and affection from women. If that means they have to comment on every little thing throughout the day, they'll do it. If you want that guy, you're not alone. Many women do.

It sounds like this man is fantastic. If and when he commits to you, you'll have his attention every day. Right now, you need to text your girlfriends. Join a discord. Go out. Take a class. Meet up with a friend for lunch. Start crocheting. Independent, ambitious men are usually just not going to be tied to their phones. All good traits come with a trade-off.

For what it's worth, I've sent my husband 15 texts, today, including a link to a reel and several pictures of our sick and miserable children. He has sent the following:

"Is she still throwing up?"

"Poor boy."

"Let's just wait and see on the zoo."

He also came home for lunch, fed the baby and cleaned up throw up. When he gets home, I have errands to run and he's happily willing to take sick kid duty. Men who show up in person often don't really via text.

Jenneapolis · 2024-12-14T16:45:56+00:00

It’s your responsibility to let him know how you feel as a feminine woman. As a masculine man, it’s his responsibility to solve the problem. He is only in his early 30s, he is not an older man who did not grow up with texting. In my personal opinion, it’s unacceptable in a relationship of six months to go days without contact. But if you have not let him know it’s a problem, he thinks it’s OK with you.

I’m not sure when he will be back from his trip but if it’s soon, I would let this go and not create a problem on the trip. But going forward, for the next trip he goes on before he goes, you should say something like, “I miss you when you’re gone and I would love to connect with you at least once a day even if it’s a text if possible.” It’s then his responsibility to tell you if he can do that, and if he can’t provide an alternative solution.

xangeloffduty · 2024-12-11T22:11:54+00:00

My boyfriend is incredible in every way. He is also not a big texter. He wasn't like that when we first started going out and I wasn't, either. I had top-notch girl game. But as the commitment I was craving came, so did my insecurities. Is he not thinking of me? Is he pulling away?

It's been a constant fear I had to challenge in myself. This is a guy that constantly shows up in person, why am I focusing so much in this? After some ChatGPT therapy (thanks AI!) I noticed I was seeking external validation because I didn't feel valid internally, within myself. Yikes!

It's hard to do the work. I work everyday to be that woman he met and fell in love with, to give him grace (entrepreneur with an extremely demanding schedule) and to not nag, but be his escape from all that :)

And he always texts first! (We are also semi-long distance btw)

NoStuffTA · 2024-12-13T02:52:56+00:00

I feel this so hard. My bf of almost 1 year is late 30's, and while he's normally an amazing texter (and phone caller!) he's had a long work trip that has worn me down.

What helps me is remembering all the people he also has to communicate with: his own family and friends, his employees, his clients, his kids and their mom, sometimes the lawyers, and then he runs a social media group where he mentors people in his field.

I'm sure your man has similar things going on! Plus working remotely has pressure and causes stress. How does your bf handle stress? I learned that my guy gets a little extra introverted when he's sick or stressed, so I'll reach out with fun lighthearted messages that don't always require a response. Once when he went almost 2 days of no contact, I was spiraling, but decided lecturing him about skipping a day of texting wouldn't entice him to talk to me more, you know? So I logicked myself out of my spiral and sent him an e-gift card for a silly monthiversary we do - he reached out and was so happy! And apologized to me, so I took the chance to be vulnerable about missing him, and he shared so. much. about his current stresses. I'm so glad I avoided adding to them!

It sounds like once you reached out, he responded back to you? So that's good. See how he is when he returns from the trip, if things go back to normal. Ask him to share stories from the trip with you. And remember to react positively to when he does text!

Justbrownsuga · 2024-12-14T05:43:22+00:00

He doesn't need to text or communicate all the time. My only concern is that he went to visit his family so I am assuming he is from a different country and culture. Have you been communicating with his parents and siblings? Do they know that both of you are in a committed relationship?

AutoModerator · 2024-12-11T20:04:16+00:00

Title: Texting/Calling in Dating

Author Competitive_Teach628

Full text: Hi RPW,

I have been seeing a man for almost 6 months now. I am in my mid 20s and he is in early 30s. We have never been about texting much since the beginning other than occasionally phone call twice or three times a week. While that is less than I want/need, I want to be as understanding as possible since he is older, quite masculine, and is very social. When we are together, he is truly amazing and very attentive. He already brought up marriage and said that he sees me as his dream girl (Not sure if that is love bombing 😅).

Recently, he went on a trip out of the country for his sister wedding. Since he has gone on the trip, he did not text/call for almost a week until I reached out. I tried to be as understanding as possible and gave him space since he has not seen his friends and family for a while, and is also working remotely while he is on the trip.

However, the lack of communication is getting to me. I have read somewhere on RPW that masculine men, especially men their 30s, can go days without texting or being in touch with their girl. I am sure where is the fine line between losing interest and typical communication behavior.

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Over_Intention4012 · 2024-12-14T03:02:05+00:00

I’m a 47 year old man. Since my 17 year marriage ended 4 years ago, I’ve dated women 26-39.

For me, texting is for simple things, like “I’ll be 10 minutes late”. The idea of having lengthy conversations by text is bizarre to me. I don’t get much reward from it and I’ll admit that I tend to view excessive texting as a rather feminine trait. When I see men doing it I tend to think they must have too much time on their hands (judgmental, probably unfair, I know).

What I do like is seeing people in person where I can give them my undivided attention and read body language.

I like talking on the phone if it’s someone I haven’t seen for a while (months). If I’m going to see the person in a few days, we can enjoy chatting when we meet up.

If you are seeing this fellow 2-3 times per week AND speaking on the phone 2-3 times a week, frankly, I think you should consider yourself lucky. I know women have different needs from men, but I would struggle to meet even what he’s doing now.

Title	Texting/Calling in Dating
Author	Competitive_Teach628
Upvotes	18
Comments	29
Date	December 11, 2024 8:04 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/1hc2m5f/textingcalling_in_dating/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/textingcalling-in-dating.1538246 https://theredarchive.com/post/1538246

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