Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 14/12/15

fhigurethisout · 2015-12-15T07:35:31+00:00

My first reflection! And what a grand week for it.

3 weeks ago today I was manically depressed, living in the snowy mountains of sadville, and woefully un/under-employed. My SO lovingly dealt with my BS of that situation for 4 months while I tried to find "the job" and make my life happen, which I did a fantastic job of getting in my own way on. 3 weeks ago my SO said at a certain point if I didn't get my life together, it was disrespectful to our relationship because I couldn't be at my best. Eye opener.

Right now, I am typing this from my own big girl apartment that I pay for with a job I LOVE. Not just the "new job" high, I can see that every employee in there is really happy there, many of which have been there 5+ years easily.

I signed my lease 9 days ago, and in conjunction with working an 8-5, just unpacked the very last box 15 minutes ago. It's beautiful. I put together an entire apartment completely by myself in 9 days. Every bit of it.

My SO and I are semi-LDR (he does contract work and does 10 days there then 4 days here), and my goal was to have a beautiful home to show him when he arrived on Wednesday -- and I officially do!!! He has told me every 5 seconds about how proud he is and happy for me and us and that for the first time in a while he is plain excited to see me, not partially worried about me and bracing for a shitstorm.

I've gotten all his favourite beverages (lots of whiskey) and condiments (lots and lots of hot sauce), and a toothbrush and several of his toiletries. I just want him to feel so comfortable and happy here.

This is by far the biggest accomplishment of my life. There are no words for the pride and relief I feel right now. I'm underslept but that's only temporary (:

As for things to work on? There are plenty but honestly my brain doesn't have room for a spot of negativity right now. Improvements can start next week but right now is purely about celebrating.

RPRev · 2015-12-15T16:55:07+00:00

Another newbie here. I discovered this sub a while ago, and lurked around quite a bit. I'll be honest, I was pissed off at almost everything I read here. However as the days went by I found myself coming back here all the time to read new posts. Over time it started to sink in. Today I decided to jump in.

The good: I've accepted this sub and the philosophies it preaches. For a while I was against it, and angry at it. But I've thought about it for many months now. This is what I want. I also know deep down, this is what my relationship needs. I've been a horrid gf/fiancé/wife and need to step up to the plate to take responsibility for my actions. I'm not waiting till 2016 to do this, I'm starting now.

Bad: This change in my frame of mind has been a long time coming. There have been many an argument where my husband would implore me to think about the way I act, the way I say things, the way I am in general, and to try to change it for the better. For the longest time I resisted because I was stubborn and in denial. How could my husband want me to change the core of my being?? Well, after quite a period of self reflection I've discovered that I agree with him 100%. I wouldn't want to live with a mirror image of myself, why would I make my husband live with this person??

I've got a lot of work to do. I can't undo the past, but I can somewhat control my future and steer myself in the right direction. I'm ready to let him lead. I'm ready to sop being such a negative Nancy. I want him to love everything about me and I want it to be super easy for him to feel that way.

So I guess at the moment, I'm working on biting my tongue and creating a natural reflex to think before I speak, and think before I gesture. Also, Im very near a gym with childcare, which I've begun revisiting.

So yeah! That's my crude Intro.

cats_or_get_out · 2015-12-16T01:13:54+00:00

I got a wake up call this week. I have to step up my wife game.

My husband was watching me cook a big dinner on Sunday, and he said, "You know, I like sex, a lot. But if it came down to it, if you were to offer me a cooked meal like this or sex, I'd take this food." Wha-?? He finds real value, enjoyment, and comfort from homemade meals. I always knew that, but I didn't realize just how important it was.

He said that "those red pill women" may be onto something when it comes to food and sex. I guess our sex life is full and satisfying, but our dinner life, well, not so much.

I have a strange work schedule, so sometimes I miss dinners or we have leftovers--a lot. He always insists on a family sit down meal (no tv or phones at the table), and this fellowship with our family is special. That part has been great. What I've been bringing to the table (literally) has been substandard. (Too much take out and leftovers and such.)

Since I'm "the boss" at work, I decided to rearrange my schedule so that I can come home earlier and get a "real dinner" on the table. I am also moving cross country in two months (yikes!), so I'll be unemployed for a while and work at my homemaking game.

I hate cooking. My coworkers love it. I have been asking people what do you love about cooking? I have been applying some of these ideas. One person said make what you like. If you like brownies, make brownies just for fun. Another person said that a happy cook makes delicious food, that the attitude comes across in the finished product. So anyway, I am working on this one. I want cooking to more fun than scrubbing a bathroom, and right now, they're about equal for me. Hahaha Wish me luck. :-)

Littleknownfacts · 2015-12-15T16:46:01+00:00

My goals from last week were to not be so tightly wound up and to exercise everyday.

I had to sacrifice one goal for the sake of the other this week. Last Tuesday I went out for happy hour with my SO, my plan was to have a quick dinner and head home to clean the kitchen and fold laundry. But he ended up inviting a couple of work friends. They didn't show up till an hour later. I started twitching at the thought of all the work I still had to do. But I took a deep breath and tried to enjoy my time out. Happy hour came and left and still they laughed and drank. I started to get nervous again, but then I figured the kitchen and laundry could wait till tomorrow. In that moment it was more important for me to be the pretty girl on his arm and charm his work friends. We were out till almost 10pm and there was just no way I was gonna be able to wake up at 430 the next morning to work out.

So I think I've reached a comfortable level of zen for now so I'm gonna keep working on exercising every day this week. Also u/stingrayvc helped me discover some cynicism I didn't know I had. It's not who I want to be and that negative energy isn't what I want to bring to the table. So my new goal is to keep an eye out, maybe log it, every time I assume the worst of someone, both online and on the internet.

hulk_uses_hm06 · 2015-12-19T17:36:30+00:00

A year and a half ago I stumbled onto Return of Kings and read through a few articles. Every single one of them made me livid, as I was a diehard feminist who was incredibly depressed and unhappy in my relationship. For whatever reason I kept reading it, and began taking their teachings on women to heart. A week ago I found this subreddit and have been absorbing its teachings and have already noticed an improvement both in my happiness and my wonderful husband's!

I know I'm rather late for this week's reflection, but my goal this week has been to get the house clean (both of us have been in a depressive funk for the last few weeks, holidays are difficult on us) and I'm very nearly done. Gotta finish up the kitchen today and start baking/cooking treats for the upcoming week.

Just wanted to say that I'm incredibly grateful that this sub exists- I feel as I learn and grow in the teachings here (respect, deference, submission) our relationship will only get stronger and more fulfilling. Thanks to all from a young, newly converted RP woman.

fhigurethisout · 2015-12-14T21:21:04+00:00

Keeping it brief:

the good:

Sleeping more, 7-8 hrs, even last night when i thought i was going to pull an allnighter. decided that I just need to stop doing that crap. turns out I didn't need to be stressing out about a deadline lol
drinking lots of water
been REALLY good about daily cleaning maintenance, apartment is clean and not embarrassing (my rule is..if someone were to walk in right now, would I feel embarrassed?)
Made food for my hard-working boyfriend :D he appreciates it even though it's usually poverty slop lol
Worked out at least 5 days...still not 7 (if it isn't 7 days consecutively it usually means i don't have my morning routine in tact, sigh)... but better than the week before.

not so good:

SO...hormonal...and frustrated..this week!!!!! i was quite awful a few times. Woke up on thursday and friday with that fullblown, heavy feeling on my chest (hormonal depression I guess). there was NO reason for it so i just felt sort of pissed about it at the same time. i ended up letting myself eat a lot of chocolate and added some cocoa to my tea; it helped lol. took a huge amount of vitamin D as well to see if that would help, but i think i have to take it regularly to prevent this problem
hormonal and frustrated = me bitching to very busy boyfriend that seeing him once last week was not enough. i could have said it in a worse way-- i suppose i was tactful, but seriously-- he's in finals week and i shouldn't have brought it up at all nor felt so hamstery
still fighting that "I need to do it all / be stressed out and controlling" mindset vs. "Just do what you can and stay productive" mindset
got a little moody/pouty around boyfriend. not proud of that. thankfully not to some extreme extent but it was still very unnecessary.
i think i did a bad job listening this week. sorta sucks because I was getting good at this. i also didn't do the greatest job at being calm and feminine and in control of myself. the simplest things are often the most difficult.

CamusSeesSumac · 2015-12-15T00:04:42+00:00

New to all this! Feel free to let me know if I'm going about things wrong.

Good - I've been practicing a reframe of "conflicts" where I tell myself that I am the victim and just trying to let go. I've also been focusing on being sweeter/flirtier instead of being really negative/full of complaints when we talk. Finally, he always does a great job of trying to stem off conversations when I'm feeling emotional and talking/thinking in circles (is this hamstering?). I've been practicing accepting that instead of choosing to get more upset.

I am really proud of all of those because they are very much a new approach for me.

Bad: I'm super behind on so many daily maintainance type chores. It's not good, and even though we live apart, I know it's not good for him.

TempestTcup · 2015-12-15T02:41:42+00:00

This is my crazy time of the year with the end of the year and all of the YE financials, W-2s 1099s etc. so my goal is to work my ass off, relax, and keep my sanity :)

All else goes to the wayside! Well, except exercise, trying not to eat too many cookies, husband maintenance, and all the usual stuff.

Then I have two more jewelry classes in the new year - chain making! Can't wait!

[deleted] · 2015-12-15T14:45:48+00:00

Reflection? Hmm...I think the biggest reflection from this year is that I finally accepted that much of the strife in my life stemmed from being a people-pleaser and it never made me happy or comfortable or assured or emotionally safe ever. I have neglected my self-care long enough and in 2016 I will work my ass off to ensure I don't put others before myself again.

Relationships are different, I guess, but I can't be a good partner if I'm not my best self. So it still applies.

Weekly Goals:

Work on my am/pm skincare routine. I just got Loreal Regenerist line and I'm trying it out. So far, so good!
stick to what I outline in my planner. If it's not in there, layed out, or if my bf doesn't jump in and expect me to change plans, I'm not gonna do it. I'm over spontaneity for everyone in my life.
Chug at least 62oz of water a day. Im at 32oz certain right now.
MOAR ERIN CONDREN STICKERS!!!
Call my mother in Nigeria daily. She's visiting family/attending a funeral and I think it'll help take her mind off things <3
EDIT: I need to take daily biotin supplements. I had to trim my hair yet AGAIN, and it's now getting on my nerves.

fhigurethisout · 2015-12-14T22:24:20+00:00

Are you saying this one is the last one for the year? Cause then I reeeaaalllyyy need to think about it.

edit:

Ok so I have thought about it.

Last week I was on vacation and I was on reddit while I was on my down time. I corrected that and stopped. I need to really try to work on NEEDING to keep my brain entertained all of the time when I can just be enjoying the moment.

This week, I am trying to get back into the swing of things. There was a family crisis that has subsided and it really threw my sleep schedule off. I am going to say that I skipped yoga today but I really needed it. I did doubles yesterday and I'm doing doubles tomorrow so I have rationalized that it was ok to skip today.

I was really good about cooking for the week and I want to keep that up. However, with the christmas coming up I have to come up with a game plan for those days.

This has been just a brain dump but I wanted to say these thing to keep them fresh in my mind for this week coming up.

my_knitter · 2015-12-16T17:39:04+00:00

I’m new! Started lurking here semi-recently, just at the start of a new relationship in fact. He’s not RP, but he’s worth me being the best I can be. I’m no stranger to self-improvement, being an alcoholic with almost a year of recovery, so now that I have an opportunity to have a healthy relationship, I’m going to try my hardest to make it happen.

Good stuff!

I started sitting on an exercise ball at my desk instead of a chair. Better posture is in my future.
I picked up a new sponsee at AA. This comes at just the right time since I’ve been pretty far in my own head recently.
I have some great ideas for Christmas gifts for my boyfriend. I’m gonna get him some Pathfinder stuff and probably make him a hat or a scarf as well (should have saved the Cthulu dice bag, but too late for that).
Boyfriend just moved into a new house. I helped him assemble some furniture, then folded and put away his laundry while he was having guy talk with his roommate (since I knew from eavesdropping a little that it was going to depress him).
I was able to comfort boyfriend after his talk with the new roommate. Boyfriend struggles with trying to reconcile his infidelity in the past, and the roommate was talking (about a past girlfriend) saying “Once a cheater, always a cheater.” This kind of thing is where my AA knowledge comes in handy, so I put it like this: I explained that at any point I could go out and get drunk, and no one would have to know. So why don’t I? Because I know that getting drunk won’t have its intended effect anymore, and that even if I kept it secret, it would tear me apart inside. I realize I am content with what I have, and I wouldn’t want to spoil that for anything. I keep that in mind whenever I think it sounds like a good idea. People can change, even hardcore alcoholics like me, and I’m an example of that for him. His reply was that he wanted to say “those words,” referring to “I love you,” which we’re holding off on because it’s such a new relationship (6 weeks). It felt amazing.

Not so good stuff…

We’ve been stressed about work (we work in the same office). One night, he came over and was getting frustrated and venting. I tried to provide comfort, but I’m empathetic to a fault. Feeling his anger and frustration wore down on me and I went into tears. He immediately put down what he was doing to then comfort me, which he obviously enjoyed, but that wasn’t my intention and I don’t want to foster a codependency, which is what it felt like afterwards. But it did get him out of his head, in a roundabout way, and the evening ended in a “therapeutic spanking” and fantastic sex.
I didn’t do any cooking this week. What with the move and the lack of groceries, it was healthy takeout every night.
I’ve been in a funk of self-pity this week, mostly due to work. I know the solution to this—to work with others. I just need to put that into practice.

Title	Weekly Self-Reflection Thread: 14/12/15
Author	fhigurethisout
Upvotes	8
Comments	38
Date	December 14, 2015 9:10 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/3wu2ts/weekly_selfreflection_thread_141215/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/weekly-self-reflection-thread-141215.85840 https://theredarchive.com/post/85840

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