When Timelines Go Wrong

StingrayVC · 2016-03-10T15:40:02+00:00

I'm sitting here chuckling, not because I think what you are going through is funny, but because I think every single on of us has been in your shoes in one way or another.

You ran into Life. It happens to everyone. There is no perfect timeline. There is a saying, "If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.". These things that happened to you are out of your control. That shouldn't be a source of frustration. All that frustration will accomplish is throwing more wrenches into your plans. You adjust your goals and you stop worrying about it. That's all you can do. The more you grasp for control in this situation, where you have none, the more it is only going to hurt you.

Let go. Life is going to come at you whether you are frustrated or not. Won't it be far more enjoyable if you take it in stride?

closetrpw · 2016-03-10T15:31:38+00:00

I mean you've accomplished what I feel many women would see as the main thing or even end goal- marriage. If you trust that he's a good captain, you should let go and relax about your timeline. It seems you're still in your projected age range for kids. I think a 1-2 year delay for those other things will be very minimal in the grand scheme of things.

I also feel like a lot of this is out of my control, which makes it more frustrating.

You can't control it, that's right, so take a step back and let the chips fall where they may. The burden is off you to make things happen.

EDIT: Remember now that you don't just have your own individual timeline, your timeline is infused with someone else's timeline. If your Captain has things under control, then there is no need to worry. If he is ok with waiting a year or two for kids, then you should be, too. I'd be more concerned if he all of a sudden didn't want any kids at all or wanted to wait until you were getting too old to have healthy children.

LauraXVII · 2016-03-10T18:09:13+00:00

I had the same issue with university - I was going to go straight after school and do a 3 year degree and join the armed forces and blah blah blah.

I ended up taking a gap year because I wasn't ready and I watched everyone else go to uni while I stayed home and got an office job. Most of my friends dropped out and now I have two degrees and am working on my PhD, while telecommuting to the office job I took during my gap yah to get extra money.

Sometimes when you're looking at things that aren't working out it's actually giving you the opportunity to do something even better in the future. So what if you're still renting?! That means if you or hubs get a dream job offer elsewhere there's less hassle to move there.

Don't think of your personal life as a timeline to be checked off by X date, think of it more as an open ended checklist to be ticked off whenever. And make sure to look back at what was previously on your checklist and you've completed every once in a while to remind yourself how far you've come!

cxj · 2016-03-10T22:23:40+00:00

See, the problem with modern society is that it punishes the pro active life planners such as yourself via lack of opportunities, so you end up rationally delaying child bearing. Meanwhile, the low fto epsilon minus semi morons are spitting out kids like there's no tomorrow and being bailed out for their poor choices by big daddy Government, which is funded by planners and workers like you. Society disincentivizes the quality people from reproducing and enables trash for reproducing. You are the first couple from the Idiocracy intro scene, the smart ones who never reproduce.

Decadeslater · 2016-03-10T15:59:19+00:00

Do NOT feel like a failure, omg stop it!! My husband and I are still renting and we are having our third child in September. DH brings home $37k a year after taxes. We are not rich and living everyone's dream! But I love it. I would love an old farmhouse with a small apple orchard and room to plant a vegetable garden like my MIL has. She has been able to stay home and homeschool her kids and still flourish because of how much money my FIL makes. Our life does not look like that. I homeschool but I still work 1-3 nights a week per diem. We have one car that is 17 years old. We have had to make sacrifices for where we are. My husband lost his job at the bank when the whole housing and bank market crashed. He went from making 65k after taxes to 34k now up to 37k. We had to move in with his parents for almost a year before we got back on our feet! Shit happens! That is life!! Life never goes according to plan but most people just don't air their dirty laundry about those kinds of problems. The only people you have to keep up with in life are yourself and your SO. There is no perfect age to be married or be a mother. It's on your time. Stop comparing yourself to everyone else.

TankVet · 2016-03-10T16:40:36+00:00

Life happens. Reality is never as neat or as clean as your plans. So you have kids at 29 or 31 or 33, no big deal. So your career isn't a one-way bullet train to the corner office, no big deal. You don't have to have it all to be happy.

little_red_ · 2016-03-10T17:14:19+00:00

So rather than basing your life plans around how your life is going, you are becoming jaded and resentful because your life isn't how you dreamt it SHOULD be? Why not just be grateful for what you have and how things are currently progressing?

Kittenkajira · 2016-03-10T19:49:29+00:00

I do believe it's better to have kids younger. Starting perhaps in 10th grade, I was dealing with an undiagnosed (and unrealized, really) autoimmune disease which reached it's peak around 23-24 years old. I can't imagine how much harder it would have been to go through it with small children to care for. Then again, maybe I would have sought help sooner if I'd had others relying on me. You really never know. My health quickly turned for the better after getting diagnosed, and I sorted my life over the years. I do feel ready for children now, despite not being in perfect health, perfect weight, and still having some debt. There's never a perfect time to have children. I've heard many say you learn to handle what life throws at you, so no need worrying what might have been or could be.

Title	When Timelines Go Wrong
Author	Decadeslater
Upvotes	13
Comments	20
Date	March 10, 2016 3:09 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/49tsqk/when_timelines_go_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/when-timelines-go-wrong.86048 https://theredarchive.com/post/86048

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