Advice Sought

ex_addict_bro · 2016-10-27T10:34:44+00:00

You need to realize that you don't matter. You need to wallow in this feeling. You need to remember your kids need you and you can't kill yourself.

If you go through this, you will.

Women act like that. It's their biology. It is not possible to rebuild this relationship because as she wrote you off and went for a cock carousel ride, she's done with you.

Our biology? Lift, sidebar, read Tomassi, read Kay, fuck bitches, get money, be the best dad ever.

And stop being a fucking pussy. Nobody cares about you and that's the way things are supposed to be - so act from this frame. Do you even lift bro?

Edit: you can't imagine next 15 years? So don't do that, don't imagine. Done. Focus on here and now. Jealous about exwife partying? This feeling shows you that you have disregarded some of your own important needs. You are not honest with us here. Think. What would you do if there were no kids and no wife? How can you achieve this?

NightwingTRP · 2016-10-27T15:20:16+00:00

Normally I would report this post and move on with my day. It's only because you've got kids that depend on you that I'm bothering to reply. This is because I don't believe that children should have to suffer from the failures of their parents.

Number one:

Maybe I should just opt out of all of it by shooting myself.

If you truly love your kids, why is this even an option for you? Think about that. Not only the increased mental problems that kids without a father and strong male role model have... but the suicide of their father will cause massive psychological and emotional damage to them. When you put the gun to your head, you're actually putting the gun to their heads too.

There's documented evidence that humans can gain extraordinary strength above their normal limits when their offspring are in danger. However what you require is emotional strength. I have little doubt, given the sacrifices I've seen parents make for their children, that seeing the danger to your children (posed from your waning emotional strength) laid out plainly before you... you'll redouble your efforts.

That will read as a combination of platitudes and reasoned thinking to you. That's because there is no straightforward solution to emotional pain. Emotions just are and for the emotions we feel, nobody else can fight those battles for us or with us. We can lend moral support and remind you of the important things, but at the end of the day it's all down to you.

Those are the first major things you need to internalise in order to prevent you slipping any further.

After this, you're going to have to accept AWALT. All women have the capacity to behave as your ex-wife has. The story is frequently seen around here. Normally this triggers anger rather than depression, but I think it's because you've still got one piece of blue-pill programming working in your mind. Would it be unreasonable to say that thus-far, up until the whole divorce etc, your life has been lived for your wife and kids? Purpose tends to have a huge effect upon our mood and her little text has reminded you of your old purpose. Perhaps it's reminded you that you no longer feel like you have a purpose.

Women are born with purpose. Have some kids with a high value man. That's it. Men on the other hand, we must create purpose for ourselves. So far you have done the basic things to set up a better quality of life. Lifting is good, seeing a variety of women is good, continuing to be involved with raising your kids is good. However what are you doing for yourself? What's the big challenge that only weezy_adams knows? What is it in your life that is providing that extra value and meaning?

There is a sidebar piece on Goals and how to attain them. That is your first piece of reading. If you had read the entire sidebar then you'd know you shouldn't be posting advice questions here... they belong on AskTRP.

Next, further reading from Illimitableman's excellent blog. A piece on divergent missions will flesh out my point. A second piece on happiness will also be of value to you at the moment.

Other pieces of advice here are worth your while reading. It might also be worth looking to see if there are any men here with direct experience of what you are going through who might be willing to mentor you a little. I'm not certain, since I can't speak for him, but Vengefully_Yours the senior endorsed guy might be worth hitting up.

There's plenty of advice, styles of approach to dealing with what you're going through. You're not alone in dealing with this. The entire community has their fingers crossed for guys like you. We know you can beat this. We've seen other guys do it and there is no reason you can't too.

Also, as a final sidenote, a 40-something woman does not get to live the life of a 20-something. That's just the typical woman pretending her life is amazing to project social value. They all do it. Most of them are sat at home alone the majority of the time. This party lifestyle you think she has, don't kid yourself with it... you'd just be buying back into the bluepill nonsense.

Best of luck to you.

[deleted] · 2016-10-27T10:12:24+00:00

Its choose your own adventure time.

Option one, /u/thefamilyalpha and his GI JOE Real American Hero masculinity. Its a really good one too. It relies on your ability to not be a victim, and be a bad ass with full ownership over your own life. You most certainly don't have to be married to see it's value; which is good as you aren't anymore.

Option two, /u/ex_addict_bro Ex Gonna Give It To Ya attitude. It's full on crazy, weaponized for survival and domination.

These two examples rest exactly at opposite ends of the Brute Force spectrum. Now there's a lot of amoral grey area hanging out in between those two options, of which you can add a little bit of this or a little bit of that.

Whatever you do, you must do an appropriate amount of homework first. YOU have NOT done this.

Jyontaitaa · 2016-10-27T11:17:05+00:00

Sorry about your situation. Is it comforting to know it is not uncommon?

Point one) you have had a divorce that she may have initiated but she was also the cause of (cheating). She has broken your trust and promise of a committed marriage. She has broken the trust of her employer. Its hurtful to do but seriously HAVE A DNA TEST ON BOTH YOUR KIDS ASAP. It is better to know the truth of all things especially if you are considering a 15 year life in her hometown.

Point Two) just approach it a year at a time. Your feelings and sensitivity to triggers will likely subside. In fact odds are you will find yourself much happier in the relationship game than she will as you both age. The quality and frequency of her partners will decline over time while you will be able to continue to date women who are a lot younger than she is for some time to come.

Auvergnat · 2016-10-27T10:51:45+00:00

You have severe ONEitis. Yes it's normal and yes you can get rid of it. You must read "the rational male best of year one" posts over and over again. At some point you'll have understood and integrated and a switch will flick in your head and you won't care about her anymore. Keep lifting and gaming and making money in the meantime.

[deleted] · Thu Oct 27 12:00:42 2016 UTC

[permanently deleted]

TAOofSTEVE · 2016-10-27T16:43:20+00:00

Morpheus - "We have a rule...we never free a mind once it reaches a certain age. It's dangerous, and the mind has trouble letting go."

It's tough man - you spent the last 40 years living life with a certain viewpoint and the last 16 with a woman at the center of that life. Now that that viewpoint has shattered and that life has changed, your reaction similar to all of us that have been unplugged - depression, anger, and denial.

But you've found the RP, which will put you on your way to recovery. At first you start working out because you want your ex to notice the change in you. You dress better, get a haircut, and change your style hoping she'll be intrigued/ jealous of the change. You fuck other women because you imagine somehow it will translate into her finding out, or seeing the new you, or whatever we rationalize in our heads thinking it will make her notice the new you and come crawling back. The motivations of your actions all revolve around her.

But eventually this will all pivot. You will get over her. You will begin working out for yourself, not for her. You will dress better for yourself, not for her. You'll focus on your own shit without her being the motivating factor. You'll become your own motivating factor. Your success, your goals, your hobbies, and your kids will drive you to be the best version of yourself. And you'll strive to be the best because you want to, not out of anger or spite towards your ex.

But it will take time. And finding TRP later in life is difficult, because you have been conditioned longer than the 20 year olds who find it early on. But stay the course, keep reading, keep lifting, keep learning and keep evolving. It is well worth the reward once you make it to the other side.

Goateeki · 2016-10-27T16:25:18+00:00

To quote my late father, "Life is way too short to spend even one day of it unhappy."

Look, you ex wife is not the person you thought she was. She's someone else, someone who is duplicitous and deceitful.

I'd also point out that many, many people tend to pine after the one relationship -- tend to believe that they MUST HAVE the one relationship -- that they would be so much better off without. You're free. You escaped. Don't let the kids guilt you into wanting this woman again.

Also, understand that if you really want to hurt her, completely ignore her. I know you have kids together, but it is possible to almost completely ignore an ex and raise kids at the same time. Ignoring her helps you because you don't have her on your mind, and it also hurts her. Any person with kids who'd fuck around like that is a dyed in the wool nut. Every day you ignore her is painful for her. Trust me, I know.

winatreddit · 2016-10-27T10:26:52+00:00

you know the thing woman say like "how dare you already have another girlfriend when you just broke up with my friend" ? :)

LordThunderbolt · 2016-10-27T12:41:07+00:00

It sounds like you have no hobbies or male friends, or friends in general. You described moving away on whim line you had zero attachments to your previous town.

You can always be petty like her too. Find yourself a young and attractive plate, and bring her with you when you go get the kids. Shit, I'd even advise you to hire a young escort to play the part of you can't easily find a young plate.

Can't you apply for full custody? Considering you make more and your wife has demonstrated that she has poor decision making skills and can't hold a job?

Conceited-Monkey · 2016-10-27T15:18:35+00:00

If you are having suicidal ideation you need to get professional help immediately. Aside from that, your wife went from college instructor to post wall waitress living with parents. This is a mess you should walk away from gladly. You should not have followed her when she moved.

crabyjoe · 2016-10-27T15:28:23+00:00

I was in your shoes about 6 years ago. Same story different hoe. My advice to you is to give it time and limit your interaction with the ex. I convinced her years ago that moving 1600 miles to my town with the kids would be her best option since she never worked a day in her life. We've become good friends and I spend plates and she's remarried. Time is all you need.

Shubrook · 2016-10-27T21:34:23+00:00

If your ex-wife is going out on a hedonistic bender (you don't actually know if that is the case) at 41, after 2 kids, she is going to have a terrible time. She is 20 years out of her prime.

If you exercise as much as you say, I'd bet you are in the best shape of your life. You are in your prime now.

2 hours isn't that far to see your kids. You should seriously consider moving back to where you were before and getting your old (and I'm assuming better) job.

Then you are going to realize that you can pull women way hotter then your ex-wife, even at her peak.

Your kids will see a happy, healthy father.

Your ex-wife will see.... Actually who gives a shit?

Title	Advice Sought
Author	weezy_adams
Upvotes	4
Comments	23
Date	October 27, 2016 9:48 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/59n59n/advice_sought/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/advice-sought.64010 https://theredarchive.com/post/64010

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