[Discussion] The cure for Oneitis

Misteralcala · 2014-09-03T20:38:42+00:00

You have to ghost her and this is how:

Delete and block her from your social media.
Lose her number, her email, don't contact her and ignore all attempts she makes to contact you.
Avoid places she hangs out, distance yourself from her friends / family etc.
Treat it like a death. Tell yourself she was hit by a bus, died on impact, had a closed casket funeral and allow yourself to mourn for a few days, THEN MOVE ON.
To quote Ving Rhames from Pulp Fiction: "I tell you what now between me and you. There is no more me and you. Not no more. You go, you stay gone or you be gone." Digging her up later on just to 'catch up' is a bad idea. Let the dead rest.

This is extreme, but extreme cases call for extreme measures. She is your kryptonite and she makes you weak. Don't fuck with kryptonite - no self-respecting man has time for that shit. You want to heal? Ghost her.

SkorchZang · 2014-09-03T21:01:42+00:00

A lot of dudes have a big problem with oneitis because they still think occasionally checking her FB or reading those old emails she sent you is a harmless pasttime. Big mistake.

Once enlightened about this, they just apply a little discipline in that area and do proper "no contact", which means none is permitted, not even mental contact of thinking about her. The ego wound then gets a chance to finally start healing, after that it's a matter of time before she's history and time is on your side. Oneitis is an ego wound, it's entirely one-sided, masturbatory, and it's definitely not gnawing at you "because true love" as BP guys will always assume since they just don't know any better.

Another thing that injects some reality into the oneitis haze is experiencing serial oneitis for several completely different women. The women are different, the times are different, but the shitty feeling is exactly the same over and over, it goes through the same stages of shit as well, so if you're monitoring yourself at all, you catch on fast about the nature of the beast, realizing "well shit, this is my own fucking problem, and got nothing to do with the chick at all".

tombreck2 · 2014-09-03T18:58:03+00:00

Love: the feeling you get when you don't think you can do any better

A-Red-Six · 2014-09-03T19:48:28+00:00

Stop lurking her social media. Text one of your plates instead.

No plates? Then go get some. You don't have time to dwell.

She's not a special snowflake. She's got her flaws, just like the rest of them.

Spinning plates helps you realize that. It may only take 2 lays, maybe 100, but you will eventually take her mediocre pussy off the pedestal and see her for what she really is.

RunawayGrain · 2014-09-03T19:55:31+00:00

I can say that hate is like a nuclear reactor: Manage it properly, and it provides immense power. Let it get out of control and you will have a real disaster. Many years ago my oneitis ditched me in a pretty brutal manner. I managed to somehow channel all of that anger into self improvement, and I've been a better man since.

I can say from experience that getting her out of your head isn't easy. You basically need to construct an environment for yourself where you don't even have time to think about her for a while. Like a drug addict going cold turkey. Sounds like you have a problem with social media, which is something I never had to deal with. Perhaps it's time to retire those accounts for a few weeks? Even after 15 years a chance encounter with my onesie angered me. It is possible that the anger will never fully go away. Again, this means harnessing that anger.

I haven't really noticed techniques for managing that anger and directing it addressed in many of the posts. Perhaps that is because it is subjective and related to the person experiencing the anger. Maybe some of the others here can make some suggestions.

pedro_fts · 2014-09-04T04:33:39+00:00

im quite familiar with the feeling - and ive learnt that the best way is to let your mind obsess about it until it gets exhausted about it. i'll explain:

you should treat that obsession like the mental disorder it is, and think of it as a fire - if you keep feeding it with external stuff (wood to feed the fire) it'll just keep burning. and by external stuff i mean ALL the information about her you go out VOLUNTARILY seeking - checking her FB page, asking about her, asking for advice about her, talking about her, asking her friends about her, texting her, analyzing every single text or email she sent you or past conversations you may regard as meaningful to shed some light on why she left or why it didnt work....

go FULL NO CONTACT. that way, that fire will keep burning the old things in your head. dont feed that fire with new pointless information or obsessions. you already have a lot to obsess about, dont get more stuff to ponder over. trust me - your brain will get eventually tired of dwelling on the same things over and over again, it will eventually quit. just like a really fucked up puzzle or charade that is useless to solve and that's just eating up your days.

to sum up - go full NO CONTACT - like it's been said here- ghost her. and one day, you'll just be going through a park, on the way home after a hot night, with the perfume of a sweet brunnette still on your hands, crazy about you, and your brain will whisper to you, out of the blue: hey, remember that old shitty puzzle we tried to solve and that stole us many nights of sleep?! and you'll go: not really no. and you'll feel like at the top of the world dude.

lonGterMgoalS · 2014-09-03T21:18:49+00:00

Get a life. Seriously. Keep your time and mind occupied.

I've said it before and I'll keep saying it. It's like a drug. You're getting your fix when you stalk her online. You probably feel like shit after doing it too.

Block, delete, ignore and stay strong. It's hard now but there will come a time where she'll be "some bitch I used to like" and nothing more.

rpkarma · 2014-09-04T11:56:41+00:00

Look, I know you don't want to hear this, but imma be straight with you.

Bang other chicks.

It's the only sure fire way I've ever managed to get over ONEitis with. Everything else in this thread helps, but takes time. Banging other broads? Gets you over that shit A$AP.

Chinny4daWinny · 2014-09-03T22:33:07+00:00

No matter how hard I occupy myself with work/school/gym i still find myself checking her social media, thinking what snaps she might be sending and what kind of sex she withhold from me is she giving some other guy she met a week ago.. you get the picture and it's not pretty

God damn bro, you described me perfectly here.

I'm not talking to her, but I still check her instagram, Facebook posts, checking snapchat for messages and shit.

What I've been doing now is enveloping myself with school work. Teacher assigns an assignment due in a week, I turn it in the next day. Friends are out eating lunch? I'm at the tennis courts working on my shots or doing push ups/pull ups at the park. I want to check her social media? Switch over to alreadyred or asktrp to try and help others.

What I hate is how we know what to do, but refuse to do it easily because of the feels we have. I can easily tell my Bros who this is happening to to stop thinking about her and lift more, but doing it myself is different.

NoFatChicks88 · 2014-09-04T02:16:42+00:00

There's always better out there. Most women are the same and are not worth dating. Find a couple fun girls to fool around with and be happy.

You just have to understand that you deserve better than her. That's the attitude that helped me forget about some former bimbo. TRP has really helped with my self-esteem. Before I would think "I don't deserve her/she's too good for me" and now I think "She would be lucky to have me because I don't need her"

h4rdy · 2014-09-04T08:38:25+00:00

Stop projecting.

A lot of guys will meet a girl, think that girl is special and pedestal them. The common advice of plate up and fuck around is solid as a distraction but from my personal experience and conversations with my friends about oneitis (though I never called it that) it seems to boil down to one thing.

You begin imagining things about her. You imagine interactions and events with that one girl. How awesome would it be if I said this to her, and she reacted in this way and gave me a flirty look and lip bite and I escalated and we enjoyed live music whilst I run my hand up her thigh and her lips are so soft and on and on and on.

By repeating these thought processes your conditioning yourself into believing that only she can make you happy in those ways - and scarcity creeps in. Checking her social media to see what she's up to, figuring out if you can start a conversation from one of her status updates because just conversing with her gives you a rush. It only gives you a rush because you think it will lead to all these scenarios you've created in your mind.

The realisation that there's plenty more girls out there, many of which you'll have a better connection with or find more attractive is a massive part of TRP for good reason. But achieving that mindset is tough and one of the more effective ways at doing it, in my experience, is locking your cognition down and disciplining yourself to stop dreaming up scenarios. Be present and attack reality.

mordanus · 2014-09-04T09:08:34+00:00

A guy that I used to work for talked to me about how he would get over his wife in an instant if she left him. He would say this while she was in the room. He said "If my wife ever left me I would get over it just like that (with a snap of his finger). The reason I could do that is because I know that if she ever did leave me it would be because she no longer loved me. She loves me now but if she left me I might as well go down to the gas station and buy a porn mag because those women would love me just as much as my wife did at that point."

If you want to get over an ltr you need to realize that she doesn't give a shit about you anymore. She is moving on and finding happiness and your oneitis is pointless. You might as well get a blowup doll to get the same amount of love from.

SpongeCroft · 2014-09-04T12:52:17+00:00

stop yourself from looking her up on social media, block her, delete her number, everything else comes with time, as hard as it sounds. For me is took 6 months to get over a 8 month relationship, the good thing is that time passes at always the same speed. You WILL get there. Don't let her drag you down.

Title	[Discussion] The cure for Oneitis
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	September 3, 2014 6:49 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2fdply/discussion_the_cure_for_oneitis/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/discussion-the-cure-for-oneitis.20461 https://theredarchive.com/post/20461

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