Do you pay on the first date?

Rumble_in_the_Jungle · 2013-10-10T23:49:20+00:00

"I got first round" has been good for me.

Exactly_what_I_think · 2013-10-10T23:40:10+00:00

Don't.

First "date" is not a date you will be some where and she can come if she wants. Have coffee or beer in hand when she arrives don't buy hers.

First date IMO should be short and to the point. You are busy or should look that you are. Beer or coffee is usual pay per drink so there is no bill at the end. It also sets a tone of you not paying for her.

pcadrian · 2013-10-11T01:14:05+00:00

No. I go dutch. A couple of years ago, I went on a first date with a girl I met on OKC. Date went well, but I split the bill. She was upset for like a week after. We ended up dating for like a year and a half.

Rhodos · 2013-10-11T05:17:31+00:00

Yes, but since I take them for coffee or tea, this is not a problem. If she insists on having dinner, cancel the date altogether. Don't invest a lot of $ before you both decide to at least try to have a relationship. Otherwise, you're basically feeding random chicks.

RedPillGame · 2013-10-11T13:57:43+00:00

Never take a new woman out to dinner at a restaurant on a first, second, or third date. $40-50 for a first date? That's crazy. And completely unnecessary. Expensive dinner dates should be reserved for women you've already had sex with. And even then, rarely.

Spend $15-20 max on first dates. And, that's if you live in a pricey area. My average cost per first date is under $11.

Take your first dates out for happy hour drinks or coffee. Shoot for nicer places. No Starbucks or dive bars. Try and arrive at the venue 5-10 minutes late. Some women will order their own drinks, if they arrive before you. That cuts your costs.

But, let's say you do get there at the same time. Then, you should ALWAYS pay for her first date drink. If she wants to split it? Refuse. Say something like: "No, I asked you out so I've got this one. You can pay next time."

On first dates you should order just ONE ROUND of drinks, max. And, cut your first dates off after one hour so you don't need to order multiple rounds and spend more cash.

Finally, while dinner dates are out, it IS ok to cook for a woman at your home on the second or third date. If, you think it will help you secure the bang.

TRPsubmitter · 2013-10-11T03:22:21+00:00

$40-50

You're gonna be spending literally hundreds per month if you spin plates. I have like 3 meetings with FWBs a week and no way I'd ever spend that much. Splitting the bill is the way to go. And frankly, you shouldn't have trouble finding girls who are willing to split the bill.

And to respond to those saying "If I ask her out, then I have taken the responsibility of paying"....that's the problem in the first place. Don't ask her out for 1:1 dinner. Of course, if you invite a biz associate or person to an event, it's your job to pay/entertain. That's why you put her in a situation where you can eject and force her to work for your attention.

IllimitableMan · 2013-10-11T15:15:49+00:00

Never.

BayerischeMotoren · 2013-10-10T23:51:59+00:00

[permanently deleted]

wise_g · 2013-10-10T23:25:38+00:00

Typical wisdom around here is don't spend money on women you aren't fucking. And even then, don't use it to buy favor or affection.

However I make some exceptions. For example dates. When the check comes don't reach for it right away. Wait and see what she does. This a good test to see what kind of girl she is.

As for drinks at a bar. I'd avoid. Girls will often get all the validation they need from a make out and you just gave them a drink.

rapey_raperson · 2013-10-11T00:21:37+00:00

Fuck that! The first date is to figure out if I can even stand the woman's company for over an hour. I often have to bail early with an excuse when they turn out to be brainwashed and delusional hamsters. Or crazy: fun as they are for a few dates, I never stick my dick in crazy - anymore.

libchh · 2013-10-11T07:54:51+00:00

I did it when I was younger and thought it was the right thing to do. Nowadays I will usually do something that's considered free - walking in a park, swings or just go back to my place immediately

MockingDead · 2013-10-11T02:20:59+00:00

Not really, see /u/wise_g. he is wise, g.

Heuristics · 2013-10-11T07:54:04+00:00

No, just go for a walk and talk to her instead of buying her stuff.

SpaceChris · 2013-10-11T08:36:45+00:00

no, i avoid situation where someone has to pay at all. i never understood the typical "dinner-dating". it's awkward as hell and feels like some super strange choreography from some daily soap. As another redditor said: "First date IMO should be short and to the point. You are busy or should look that you are. Beer or coffee is usual pay per drink so there is no bill at the end. It also sets a tone of you not paying for her." After this initial mini date, meet at your or her place for the second date. Badabing! Always worked for me and makes sure, you don't waste your time with some boring, spoiled golddigger

rebuildingMyself · 2013-10-11T13:28:06+00:00

Yes but my first dates are drinks/coffee/something low cost. And it's implied she'll get the next round. If that's a big problem for her she gets nexted

adarkheart · 2013-10-11T16:24:38+00:00

Thanks to whoever linked my blog earlier - it brought me to this post. I've written about this before:

http://www.adarkheart.com/2012/10/13/to-pay-or-not-to-pay/

In general, my opinion is you could go either way, but IF you decide to pay, realize it's an expense with an uncertain return on investment. I've never taken a girl I haven't already slept with a few times for anything other than a drink or two.

Some girls will think you're a cheap ass for not buying a drink and won't sleep with you on that pretense (yea you can say they're golddiggers, but who cares at the end of the day you're either getting laid or you're not), others don't care.

If you're over 21 a local, chill bar on a weeknight with $3 beers and $4 mixed drinks is perfect for a first date. Once you get the hang of it, it only takes a couple drinks before you can bounce, so picking up a <$20 for both people is a reasonable expense ... unless you're doing it every night.

Your total income also matters. If you're banking a quarter mill, I doubt you'd have an issue with buying a couple rounds. If you're barely getting by, it's a different story.

So the long answer is ... it depends.

Kombaiya · 2013-10-11T10:35:28+00:00

People not paying for the date is something which I don't quite understand about TRP. I'm not saying it's wrong, I'm just saying that I don't understand it, so if anyone would care to enlighten me then please do so.

The Red Pill is about being in our more natural gender state. So men learn to become strong, rational, providers that can take any amount of emotional turmoil that the woman can throw at (So we can get access to women's physical love and respect).

Now if we were to try to neuter women's instinct to look for strong, rational providers, then aren't we just the male equivalent of feminists?

Now if I found out that I were dating a feminist, I'd only think it would be polite to respect her beliefs and let her share the bill. But most women aren't radical feminists, they are looking for red pill men. And as red pill men, we are looking for natural women that want providers.

Same goes for hypergamy. If that didn't exist, women would just stay in one relationship with beta's and men would have no need or sense to exceed. Trying to change or attack hypergamy is again the male equivalent of feminism, they are trying to change human nature instead of improving oneself.

Drvibe · 2013-10-11T02:45:11+00:00

I always pay for my guests, male or female. If I ask you out somewhere, I'm paying.

DeadBabyStew · 2013-10-11T00:16:16+00:00

No, because there is never a first date.

Swifthand · 2013-10-11T05:59:29+00:00

Why would you pay her to find out whether you can stand her?

It's like paying to go to a job interview.

Are you that desperate for pussy?

robfoley1 · 2013-10-11T11:06:58+00:00

I used to stress out about this all the time in my early 20s and make sure i didn't pay etc. Now I usually go on the type of date where I'm not going to stress regarding who pays. The net effect is for a little bit of outlay, you get rid of the whole stress about looking cheap and she gets over some little rule she might have in her head about gentlemen paying.

I'll usually set up drinks in a bar or coffee shop and already have something when she rocks up (usually a gin and tonic).

When she gets there I'll say "would you like to get a drink?" and watch her go over to the bar to buy one (so i can look at her ass). Generally they'll see I'm drinking alcohol and will too. After that I'll usually offer to buy the second one.

The net effect of this is I won't pay more than $30 on the date (2 for me, one for her), and if she wants a third a) she's dtf, and b) it's her round. Girls aren't generally going to bust your a55 for not gettin gher a third drink because in my city, she would have driven there to get one (and usually have to drive home).

If you are doing expensive things with a girl like taking her to dinner, and you are seeing a lot of girls, you don't want to have to pay each time because on five dates a week you could be dropping about $500 and that's just not worth it (although you can't put a price on good pussy).

I wouldn't be going to dinner with a woman before I'd slept with her anyway. There's a high chance it will be awkward stilted conversation. I'd prefer to go to one bar, and if hse's fun walk somewhere else for another drink or dessert or my house etc.

Proud of you.

monsieurhire2 · 2013-10-10T23:43:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

x7CR7x · 2013-10-11T00:37:01+00:00

I ask them out, female or male - I pay.

BadgerBurger · 2013-10-11T02:20:43+00:00

Don't do dinner as a first dat. Drinks leading into splitting an app or something is fine, but dinner is too big of a time commitment. Meet for happy hour after work or drinks at 8:30ish.

If you're going up to the bar to buy drinks, get the first round.

trplurker · 2013-10-11T02:38:22+00:00

Depends on how I orchestrate it and what my plans for seduction are. I invite a girl out to fuck her and sometimes that requires setting the environment and and mood. I definitely won't be spending lots of money though, no bitch is worth that up front.

I think it needs mentioning here that I don't date western girls, most of my girls are significantly more conservative then the shit you find in the USA and EU.

RagingGnat · 2013-10-11T02:42:43+00:00

It hasn't really made any difference what so ever when I paid for it vs when we went dutch. In that respect there is no reason to pay. I feel like when you just pay for it its a try hard move.

At the very least bring it up, if you're not comfortable talking about the bill, then how are you going to work up the courage to ask if she's on the pill, if she's clean ect.?

Title	Do you pay on the first date?
Author	BayerischeMotoren
Upvotes	31
Comments	57
Date	October 10, 2013 11:17 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1o6jie/do_you_pay_on_the_first_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/do-you-pay-on-the-first-date.7157 https://theredarchive.com/post/7157

Comments