Hey guys, so a while back I posted a two-part FR, "Having Classes Makes it Easier," and here is my continuation. Wall-o-text ahoy~

For a quick recap, this HB7-8 is in one of my classes and we talked about green drinks and eating healthy, which led to us hanging out and eventually her coming over to my place to watch a movie (didn't get anywhere but cuddles and escalation) and told me she wasn't emotionally available for a relationship because she had a 3-year thing going and wants to sort everything out and blahblahblah. Basically, I got friendzoned because I fucked up.

Well, we kept talking (didn't want to give up) and we went rock climbing a few times (she suggested it and I surprised her by being able to rock climb since I happen to also like rock climbing) and I set up a class group-gathering for an assignment we had (invited everyone and treated it as if she just happened to come along) and got her to take us all there even though she didn't have to.

Finally, I had her come over again and made sure to take her to my room so we could be alone (first time, it was in the living room...huge mistake) and I forgot how it came up, but I joked about how she had a stripper pole and that she probably performs. She told me she's done amateur night and has performed in nude-clubs and done lap-dances. I made sure to keep a straight face and not judge her. Instead, I decided to ask and joke about it and made her laugh a lot. She seemed to really like that I was interested in knowing how it all worked (I genuinely was curious) and didn't slut-shame or anything like that.

Going back a bit, she told me she overthinks things too much and that it drove her crazy sometimes, so I called her Grumps because we were getting into a serious talk and I joked about how I could imagine a circle of grumpy old men at a table arguing over everything to describe her habit of overthinking things. She laughed and told me she preferred Wheels, since it reminded her of Sonic the Hedgehog and how his feet looked like wheels when he ran (old school Sonic, anyway). I told her it sounded retarded and kept calling her Grumps.

Back to tonight, I called her Grumps, and she says, "Nooooo. I like wheels better." I reply with, "How about Hampster? Since they like running in their hampster wheels. I'll call you my hampykins." (I had to guys. It was so perfect.) She laughs and says she likes that better.

We get serious and I tell her that I really like her and think she's been a positive influence on my life (made sure to NOT say I thought she was cute/hot/beautiful/etc.) and that I liked the connection we had. She tells me she's really flattered and I see her eyes gloss a bit, but she tells me again the situation and her emotional unavailability, but this time tells me she really loves hanging out with me and that I'm really fun to be with. She said that she didn't want to be unfair to me. I look her in the eyes, and said, before you go then, at least let me have this, tilt her chin up with my hand, and go for the kiss. We make out for a couple of minutes and I make sure to feel around her and she responds with the same.

She pulls back slowly, smiles, and says, "that was sneaky." I walk her to her car and we have a very intimate hug, I go for the goodbye-kiss and she says, "You only get one tonight."

So, I didn't fuck her, but I at least made-out with her. Goddammit, I feel like I was so close!!!! We plan to hang out again and I even told her I don't plan on giving up, which she said she hoped I didn't.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to take that. On the one hand, I can see it as me fucking up and that being her way of saying I don't have enough value. On the other hand, I see it as her genuinely trying to respect the fact that she can't be emotionally available to anyone and wants to do the relationship thing right. I'm skeptical of the latter especially because she is a performer (technically, she hasn't performed in over a year...so she says).

Thoughts? I think that telling her how I felt about her may have fucked it up, but I really like her (not trying to unicorn her as I've been pursuing other girls, too, but I may be) and wanted to make my intentions known straight-up. I'm still grateful that I at least got this far though. Thanks all for your advice and for making this beta into something workable.