Grow Up or Stay a Child

The Difference Between Boys and Men

Children do two things that separate them from adults. They will always, without exception, exhibit a lack of responsibility for their actions. Also, they will almost never hold themselves personally accountable for the consequences of their actions. Boys will lie, project, blame-shift, deny, gaslight, portray themselves as victims, even do nothing- you name it, all in the name of avoiding ownership of themselves and their choices.

Men, not adult boys, but men, take responsibility for their actions and hold themselves accountable when they realize they've done wrong. Men do not put their burdens on others to handle, they don't rationalize bad choices, and they don't make strawmen to distract from their failures. They own themselves and take failure as an opportunity to be better than they were.

It is up to parents to instill these values in their children so they can grow up. Where they fail, it is up to those that were failed to finish what their parents started. To grow up.

Signs of Still Being a Child

Do you like to pretend that things other than yourself are to blame for your circumstances? Do you make black-and-white comparisons to rationalize your failures? Do you expect others to take care of things for you instead of doing them yourself? Do you attach yourself to ideas to avoid using your brain? Do you find yourself attached to people who validate you? Are you codependent? Do you get angry at the people who hold you accountable? Do you cling to the comfort of not having to be responsible?

If so, you may still be a child.

Men actively seek to root out these weaknesses in their lives. Children avoid it, because they don't want to be responsible. They want others to hold their hand and do the hard work of being responsible for them. They don't want to be their best, they want others to give them what being their best could get them.

Some "children" are more grown up than most "adults." They take an active role in their improvement and growth- unlike the adult children of our current age. If you don't do that, you may still be a child.

Growing Up

Did you get hurt badly as a kid? Your parents beat you? Were you sexually assaulted? Were you neglected? Do you have mental disorders or physical handicaps that make your life more difficult? You have an addiction or poor impulse control? Were the women in your life abusive? Been taken advantage of? Betrayed?

So what.

Stop leaning on your past to justify your childhood antics. Take the step into real adulthood by accepting things and moving forward. If you need a therapist, get one. If you need to learn something to get better, learn it. Stop rationalizing it, stop putting your issues at the feet of others, stop justifying your brokenness. The worst thing about adult children is that they justify harming and hurting others with their brokenness. Men don't justify that harm, they actively seek to prevent it.

The only person who can fix you is you.

Grow up.

Easy Outs to Stay a Child

A lot of boys here like to blame society and women for their lot in life. You hear things like "women only love men for what they can provide." Sounds an awful lot like an excuse to not put in the work required to be someone worth loving- and to double up, like an excuse to avoid the work of finding good women in your life. You want to stay in that mindset? Go right ahead, see how far being a child gets you.

"Men can't be emotionally vulnerable." That sounds an awful lot like an excuse to avoid putting in the work required to handle your issues. Nobody who isn't paid to listen to you whine and bitch about how bad you've got it isn't your therapist. You need that, find a therapist. Laying your emotional baggage at the feet of another man, woman, or God forbid, another child, is garbage. They aren't your therapist and nor should they be.

"Society treats men as expendable." Okay, so what? You're expendable. Does that mean that you deserve to be catered to and have other people fix your problems? Sounds childish to me. You want others to give you that purpose? To treat you as the expendable creature you believe yourself to be? Go ahead. Nobody can make you make the grown up choice of making yourself who you want to be.

Whatever problem you have, the only person who can make things better for you is you. And that requires one thing- for you to grow up.

Be a Man

Take ownership of yourself. You need a different environment to thrive? Make one. You need help working with your problems? Get it. But don't get upset with others if they say no or dump you, it's not their responsibility to help you. It's your responsibility to help yourself. Complaining about your situation is something children do. Men do something about it.

Your parents may have failed to make you a man. Not their problem. That's your problem. Grow up. Someone may have done something terrible to you. That's not someone else's problem. It's yours. Grow up.

This may sound harsh; it is. Did anyone deserve to be victimized and traumatized? Of course not. But that's what happened and that's the way it is. Own it. Fix it. You can have the sympathy of your fellows, but that doesn't get you to where you need to be. Grow up.

Do it for yourself.

That may be the one thing everyone deserves. To grow up. But like all things deserved, you only get it if you work for it.

Get to it.