How do I get over her? When does it stop?

PiperBigBell · 2023-05-29T13:57:59+00:00

It seems that no one here has a handle on basic psychology. And I find this happening too often for a sub halfway based in psychology. Your problem is that your ego feels robbed. A broken heart is nothing but an ego, a desire that has not been satisfied. Imagine if you worked for your employer for 3 months and never got paid.

They kept promising you the money, letting you know they're fixing payroll, but it never comes. You got rent piling up, bills, obligations to friends, all that. Now imagine one day they give you a check, but for 1/8 of what you're owed for a single pay period. You think you'd be pissed but you're not.

The sweet release from getting that money and being able to pay a single bill is like a giant high to your adrenaline. They''ve given you hope of release and you need more. They took you on a giant emotional low by keeping your money from you and now the scrap they gave you is an emotional high. You come to your senses and realize how fucked up that was and you want to quit.

But on top of your current anger and frustration, and you being so emotionally attached to this company due to all the waiting and hope and promises, and them being your sole source of income, you fear how long it'll take to get the next job. You think, if I quit this job, maybe they'll say fuck you and I'll never get the money I'm owed. I'll just stick it out to show I'm faithful. You begin to cope with your pain by only speaking of the good qualities of the company.

And the cycle continues.

The girl you want, is in emotional and sexual debt to you. Not because she's special, but because she defined your future. A lot of what heartbreak is, amounts to the imagined future you'd have with someone and how happy and peaceful that'd make you. Now that's gone. She probably made you feel extremely validated.

You felt like you finally dealt with a woman who personified your worth. Who made you feel alive. She's probably the best thing you ever got that halfway accepted you. Now she's your sexual imprint. That's the reason you want to fall in love again. You want a girl to replace those feelings you had. You want another her. You want to feel validated and alive.

And thing is, even if you did find that girl and fall in love, it would be from a place of trauma because you'd probably use and abuse her. Why? Because you're thinking about how cheated and robbed you feel and how you never want that to happen again. You want payment for the emotional investment you put in, that excitement, frustration, anger.

But you'll never receive payment. That money is gone. The company went under and the CEO AND CFO don't give a fuck about you. The only way to get over the feeling of being robbed is to accept that the money is gone and that whoever robbed you will never change. You get over being robbed by empowering yourself with the knowledge to never let it happen again. And that's a healing process.

Fucking a bunch of women will not help you as nothing can replace a debt you feel owed. You need to tell yourself the truth behind the narrative of both you guys relationship. What is the truth? Be fair and honest. She was cool but what were your flaws? Where was she needy and insecure? Where were you needy and insecure?

Where did you start projecting qualities onto her that don't actually exist? What emotional needs do you have deep inside that she hit on that made you so attached? Are you simply attached to her because of trauma around never getting what you want and finally getting at least part of it?

These are the questions that will expose the narrative. In the mean time abandon hope. Admit you were robbed. Do resistance training. Eat good. Meditate. Journal your thoughts. And get your confidence and self esteem in check. Because your behavior reeks of someone who doesn't love themselves. Would someone who loved themselves get robbed to their face months on end?

Secure-Teaching-2860 · 2023-05-29T10:58:53+00:00

My 2cents, Firstly I think you should learn to love yourself more (know that you're the prize), work on yourself to be a better man by gyming, reading......anything you know that adds value to your life and learn how to vet women, they're alot of articles you can find on that. Brother, women are just icing on the cake, this gurl doesn't deserve you. Hopefully, you'll find someone that'll earn her place in your heart. Best wishes!

bellend77 · 2023-05-29T10:11:37+00:00

Don’t worry mate. Plenty of people have been there. All part of the game and it’s great that you’ve found this place and will see it coming next time.

It’s an addiction, and needs to be rationalised into obscurity. You have the tools now, but it takes time.

Was she always ‘nice’ to you, or did she talk conditionally, like ‘if you did this, if you did that’. Did she ever show disappointment in you and attempt to play with your emotions, and manipulate them for her own gratification? The ones that are like that can bury themselves deeper into your head and are harder to remove. There’s plenty of reading material on that too, and others will hopefully chime in with their thoughts.

Hit the gym, love yourself, and please post an update in six months.

2stepp · 2023-05-29T12:57:09+00:00

Bud. Can definitely relate. One of the hardest things I've had to learn on this journey is how to let go. Your brain doesn't inherently know how, in fact it has actually managed to convince itself that these thought patterns are rewarding, so it keeps you in the same place you've been, potentially forever.

All I can say to you to help you is offer a bit of tough love, unfortunately... If you are still thinking about this person 3 months after going to NC, then you have not internalized the teachings. When you are truly rp'd you will not think about anyone too much because you've done that before and it bores and sickens you now. When you've truly internalized everything you will understand: there is no perfect person. There is no 100% match, there is no "the one for me." The hard, bare truth is that you're compatible with multiple people, just like everybody else is; and the concept of soulmates only applies to a broad range of people you'd get along with, not just one person.

You're still a little bit blue pilled, that's all. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it took me years to finally shake it off for good. Basically you have been conditioned and socially programmed to such an extent that your brain actually believes it needs to find a soulmate/gf in order to not be miserable. It is THIS BELIEIF ITSELF that causes the misery. Dispel that shit, realize you don't need anything other than yourself to be happy in your life, and build yourself into the man you want to become. Once you do that and actively gain experience with multiple women, you will realize...

That most of them are basically the same. That they actually don't make you happy, you do. That pussy is like a nice steak...it's good to have one fairly regularly, but you don't make it the meaning of life, do you?

Hope this isn't too long winded and genuinely hope it helps you some. You've got to learn to let go. Not only of the person you have feelings for, but of the idea that you NEED to have these feelings or connections with anyone. If you can kill that, then you can be free.

KagedRageius · 2023-05-29T09:40:45+00:00

"You see this goblet?" asks Achaan Chaa, the Thai meditation master. "For me this glass is already broken. I enjoy it; I drink out of it. It holds my water admirably, sometimes even reflecting the sun in beautiful patterns. If I should tap it, it has a lovely ring to it. But when I put this glass on the shelf and the wind knocks it over or my elbow brushes it off the table and it falls to the ground and shatters, I say, 'Of course.' When I understand that the glass is already broken, every moment with it is precious."

Once you realize the goblet will always break, it won’t hurt when it does.

RajoeDoe · 2023-05-29T13:00:09+00:00

What's your purpose?

Your purpose sure as hell isn't being with or obsessing over this girl.

I know it feels like shit, mate. Make sure you don't beat yourself up about it. Stop looking for a replacement. Work on yourself - go to the gym, eat healthy, read books and work on your studies/career.

I can't tell you when it's gonna get better but it is going to, for sure.

ihaveahugedong69420 · 2023-05-29T14:12:52+00:00

We’ve all been there, and the only thing you can really do is wait it out. There is no set amount of time that it lasts. Sometimes you’ll be over her in a few days, and other times it might take you years. Sure you can keep busy and go to the gym and all that but your thoughts will still be there when you’re alone or falling asleep at night. Hopefully you have a close friend you can vent to about this, because it definitely helps. One day though, you’ll stop and realize you haven’t thought of her in a long time, and the thought of her getting fucked by some other guy won’t bother you.

selfeduhated · 2023-05-29T21:01:42+00:00

Going through this right now at 31 years of age. Fucking worst feeling ever makes me want to kill myself. Happend to me a few times in my teenage years and early 20s thought I was done but no. A new bitch put that same spell on me and I fell for it at 31. Fucking feels like grief not eating not sleeping just pain.

cetltic · 2023-05-29T16:20:16+00:00

Women should only ever be a complement to a man's life, never the focus of it.

Rollo Tomassi

BoJvck34Empire · 2023-05-29T16:57:42+00:00

Lmaooo damn that’s rough, how’s you let that happen? You make a great shoulder to cry on, we need men like this so my life can be easier with chicks. I swear, some of y’all don’t get it until you go to war and see some shit, or go to jail, or hit rock bottom. Y’all are so comfortable and soft, and it oozes out of your pores. Girls smell it on you. You got oneitis over a case of proximity hotness. Proximity hotness is when someone is 10x hotter then they are simply because they live close to you. Like the trailer park chick that is like a 3 in a beach town but a 10 in a Mississippi Waffle house. Stop busting nuts on yourself, cut the crap, find a reason to live and woman will want in on it. Woman are a side effect for kicking ass at life, just kick more ass and the problems go away. Don’t let girls be the goal, find something else to live for

PatternEast7185 · 2023-05-29T15:53:24+00:00

Don't buy into any "therapy" talk and bullshit advice ... pain is pain, loss is loss, regret is regret ... You are never going to "get over it" until you rediscover a feeling of Power in your life - same way you can only truly forgive someone if you have recovered from the damage they caused and become more Powerful than them ... Luckily, for men, women will age out before you do, so Father Time will grant you "revenge" by default, but don't live for that kind of petty resentment, live for Power ... You are never going to "out-think" your own mind ... If you have nothing else to fall back on, then just start by building a better body

Relationships are a necessary and wonderful part of human life, we are eusocial creatures, but don't forget that it's incredibly easy to create illusions about ourselves and the people in our lives ... Don't obsess over a mirage if you can help it

AnonTheGreat01 · 2023-05-30T09:00:43+00:00

She manipulated me hard during the 6 months we lived together, and although we did dance and make out a few times we never slept together and she also ended up hooking up with other people while we were at the club together.

Basically, she was fucking you for 6 months, but you weren't fucking her. Should've given up after that first month.

Like /u/PiperBigBell points out so eloquently, after that the emotional overinvestment becomes too much for your ego & you inevitably spiral into a 'mini depression' like you're experiencing now.

It's going to keep messing with your head for a while, but you'll get over it slowly. Eventually you realize you haven't thought about her for a week, then a month, etc. Just don't let this experience taint your next relationship, other than the lessons this has taught you.

Btw the antidote to this desperate behavior (which is essentially what caused this in addition to a lack of self-love & purpose) is you guessed it... abundance. So go to work & create the life you want. All else will manifest from that state of being.

ThrowawayYAYAY2002 · 2023-06-01T14:03:10+00:00

I haven't got over her...

But that hasn't stopped me fucking around 30+ women since, having threesomes, training like a demon, letting other women get close to me (even if they hurt me) and more.

But you know what? Time is a healer. I saw her and drove past her 2 weeks ago for the first time in 8-9 months. Did I turn around and pick her up? Did. I. Fuck. Part of me wanted to, but I knew I would have got hurt had I spoke to her. And this is someone who I was set to marry and I was truly in love with. Now? She's in my past. So I drove past her like she was a stranger. It's a shame, but such is life.

Listen, man. Some women are more malicious than you can ever imagine. Get better at weighing people up, sorting the good from the bad, and that side of life will become easier.

Better yourself physically and mentally.

Meet other women immediately.

Write down some goals and achieve them.

Gurisito · 2023-05-29T12:43:28+00:00

Lift, go talk and fuck 10 other women.

burnyr · 2023-06-01T14:36:55+00:00

I don't know man. I still randomly have dreams about that bitch I liked 15 years back. Haven't interacted or kept up with what she's doing for a solid 10 years but it never goes away. She's essentially a crack whore and a mother at this point and it still never stopped

AGLBWC · 2023-06-02T00:40:01+00:00

It took me a few years to get over my high school oneitis. It's good that you blocked her. She was never really your "girlfriend" anyway.

All you can do to get over her is to occupy your mind with busy work until you get over it. And yes, you do eventually get over it.

Petrofskydude · 2023-06-02T00:56:37+00:00

Just comfort yourself with the fact that she has about 15 other guys who feel the EXACT SAME WAY that you do about her, many of whom she has fucked. All of whom provided her with something. She got what she could from you. She's willing to take more if you'll give it to her and it costs her nearly nothing. A lot of the interesting things you liked about her are reflections of the other guys who have fallen for her and enriched her life. Ever hear that song "Maneater", by Hall and Oats? What you had with her was never the romance you imagined it would become, and it never will be, so learn to see it for what it is. You don't want a girl that's so interesting and fun. People like her keep you at a distance so they can show the best of who they are to a lot of other people as well. She gave you her best and love bombed you, but kept you at a distance because that kind of performance is unsustainable for her. She loves you because of how much she can see that you love her, nothing more. She was using you to perfect her skill of making people fall in love with her, so she can apply that skill to the guy she actually wants to keep in the future. You did the right thing by cutting her off. Focus on yourself and comfort yourself with the fact that you are real, you can have a future relationship that's real, but your relationship with her was never real in the way that you wanted it to be...and it never will be. Respect the mystery of her inner life as a mystery and move on, holding on to nothing from the experience, not even blame towards her...just a greater understanding of the value of seeing reality for what it is. Love chemicals make you delusional...and some women really enjoy the high you both get off of it...but had you stayed with her, watching her seek out that feeling with other guys right in front of your face, you would have slowly started to resent and hate her, even while simultaneously longing for the love you had at the beginning. You're lucky you never slept with her, because the torture you feel now would be worse.

BabyFork · 2023-06-05T12:46:58+00:00

You have to realize pain is… temporary. Besides the basics.. like working out, hobby, etc. Deal with the pain and emotions straight up and watch them fade and fizzle over time. Delete all connections to her in your phone. Throw everything away that reminds you of her. Listen to Kanye West - 808s and Heartbreak ffs. This is a good time to learn an important life skill of, “letting go”. Good luck Soldier.

Title	How do I get over her? When does it stop?
Author	SjuktStorKuk
Upvotes	1
Comments	37
Date	May 29, 2023 9:24 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/13upukz/how_do_i_get_over_her_when_does_it_stop/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/how-do-i-get-over-her-when-does-it-stop.1220643 https://theredarchive.com/post/1220643

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