How do you guys stay positive and avoid things like insecurity and self-esteem issues in the face of rejection?

Vermillion-Rx · 2024-09-27T04:13:45+00:00

Approving post but do not turn this into a personal advice question post in the comments or it will be locked

th0tmaker · 2024-09-27T15:34:11+00:00

Stop putting so much importance on feelings. Learn how to be rational and objective about these things.

You obviously wanted a new experience in life and you acted with personal agency instead of deciding to be passive. This is objectively the approach/mindset you want to have more often than not.

You didn't get the output you wanted. Which was statistically the most probable outcome anyway, so why are you getting worked up over it?

Everything after is just your reptile brain acknowledging the denial and consfusing it with danger by giving you a strong emotional response so you can have self-awareness and evaluate. It's working as intended, but once you can zoom out and realize that's all that it is, that this isn't an actual threat on your life, then you should also realize there's no need to spend days or even weeks ruminating on it...

It's essentially like dropping a weight on your foot and breaking your toe. The pain and bad feelings are gonna be there as an alert that something has gone wrong, but once you figure out your toe is broken after like 60 seconds, is there a point in thinking about how awkward this is and how you shouldn't have done that for the whole following month?

No. It doesn't matter. It doesn't change the outcome and you can't go back. And this also doesn't mean that you should stop lifting weights now because you dropped them on your foot once... Just dismiss the feelings and realize on a long enough time frame it doesn't matter. Your toe will heal, and that girl will forget about this interaction because she's got bigger things in life to worry about, and so do you. Imagine yourself on a longer time frame into the future looking back 5 years... Did it have any significant impact on your life. No. So why are you getting worked up about it? As long as you were active in pursuing a goal you wanted and you take the feedback from it in a rational manner. Everything else is needless memory clog on your brain's RAM. Delete it.

This is all part of the process of simplifying your life from needless self-induced complications. And besides 'It doesn't matter', there's another good phrase you should take to heart, which is 'There's nothing to wait for'.

So next time when you get hesitant about hitting up a new girl because the last 5 attempts failed. Just remember. There's nothing to wait for. It won't get any easier and the outcome won't change just because you decide to wait until you get a bit more confidence back, or you hit a new personal best on the bench... It doesn't matter AND there's nothing to wait for. Proceed accordingly.

Individual_Swan_5085 · 2024-09-27T13:13:50+00:00

Because when you are aligned with your purpose, you know deep down that you are one step closer.

finitemike · 2024-09-27T19:56:44+00:00

Tatoo this into your brain:
In practice there is no losing
The only way to lose is to not practice

YOU WILL SUCK AT FIRST!
Just constantly tell yourself "GO GO GO" and you’ll learn naturally as you go.
Push through low confidence times with a growth mindset.

Think: "Of course I suck with girls! But that's just temporary. I am brand new to this very difficult skill, but I'll get better as long as practice as much as possible"

Xanatosss · 2024-09-27T15:05:50+00:00

Uh a lot of these things used to be answered in the side bar but after you have so much rejection and failure you just stop caring. Then you start to have success. If you have been doing this for a while and truly have had lots of experiences nothing really phases you.

Smuggler-Tuek · 2024-09-27T21:41:24+00:00

She’s not rejecting you, she’s rejecting your approach / game. Don’t take shit like that personally.

TheRedPillRipper · 2024-09-27T23:51:24+00:00

when the results reflect a different story

One must first acknowledge said results. Then accept them. It’s okay to feel horrible. We’ve all been there. It’s human. Acknowledging failure, then accepting it however, are the first steps to addressing it.

Did you fail because you were too chatty? Did not gauge attraction accurately? Fumbled the bag because you missed cues? Objectivity, and Perspective are key. You’re already going through the pain. Get a reward from it.

Mastering this process takes time. Grit. A ton of mental fortitude and resilience. It’s also worth it.

Godspeed and good luck!

Business-Cheesecake2 · 2024-09-28T01:06:06+00:00

You need results for positive reinforcement

BlackCoffee88 · 2024-09-28T13:59:06+00:00

Think about the salesman that get constantly rejected at the mall. Do they cry? NO. But they still have a performance based job to do. Otherwise they won't get paid. Now replace paid with laid, that's your job. Continue with the lead generation and improve your performance. Its not about staying positive, its about not failing your ancestors. Good luck

charlottehans · 2024-09-30T03:25:41+00:00

You keep going until it hollows you out inside and you don't care anymore. Then you get success, but commitment becomes meaningless. That's the trade off.

Western-Damage-5685 · 2024-09-28T14:44:30+00:00

It all bottles down to outcome independence.

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