I got ghosted after the second date at my place and I would like feedback.

Dak0taJay · 2023-07-10T03:31:49+00:00

The fact that she came to your house to workout on the second date tells me that she probably would have fucked you. It then sounds like the workout session wasn't as fun as she hoped it would be, and you treated her like a client rather than someone you were about to fuck.

If I was in this situation, I would have done a few heavy lifts and joked around like I was as huge as Arnold in his prime, flexxing my pathetic muscles etc. I would then escalate with the physical touch (as you were doing) when it was clear she was comfortable and having a good time.

The fact you didn't actually work out at all - as was planned - and instead ended up watching a boring TV show on the couch without any apparent vibe between you, is ultimately why she left. It sounds like she was thinking "what the fuck am I doing here???" and was super uncomfortable, judging by her reaction when you "grabbed" her.

At the end of the day you just should have made the whole situation more fun. Remember that's all they want to do most the time - particularly younger girls. You did well to even set this up so there's no reason you can't do it again successfully.

Lastly, for god sake don't ever mention to a girl who you want to fuck that you're potentially bisexual...

Versace-Bandit · 2023-07-10T03:17:15+00:00

Told her you weren’t fond of dating someone her age.
Told her you were bisexual (can be bad or neutral depending on the girl, but not really a +1 for anyone)
Asked her to come work out, and then didn’t work out with her.

I think something that will help you is writing down and analyzing all of your next interactions, because I know you mean well and have no ill intentions but you’re kinda socially regarded and need to just get some more introspection on how someone might receive/perceive something.

English26 · 2023-07-10T05:10:05+00:00

You felt like she wasn't into the workout, so you decided to invite her for the exact same the next date???

curiousboyz · 2023-07-10T03:15:39+00:00

Dude you grabbed her and she said “woah” then you decided that was a good time to go for a kiss? Wack

daniellederek · 2023-07-10T04:58:09+00:00

Dude, it's bumble. She was not looking for a long time, just a good time.

Her hamster wheel was running full tilt thinking you weren't into her.

Pitiful_Jellyfish185 · 2023-07-10T04:59:03+00:00

Don’t grab her like that when she’s clearly not interested. Especially don’t kiss her. Your mistake is that you were likely too boring. You are explaining muscle groups like a dork. That shit is boring. Do something like having her lay on your back and doing push ups or just anything fun and interesting. Girls wanna have fun not be given a lecture. Asking girls to come to your home gym is a great idea but you gotta go about it the right way.

Thraximundaur · 2023-07-10T06:07:58+00:00

ur problem is that you're not confident that she likes you for you, so you tried to make the date about this weird workout thing. You're on a date and it's not a gym date. Make the date about you, not about something that you think she'd find interesting (the gym). I know most dating gurus say to make the date fun and interesting but I think a boring date where you just get to know each other is 1,000,000x better for first 1-2 dates.

I mean I met a girl and we friendzoned each other right away and we're about to go to the gym right now, because we're friends.

The fact that the girl came over to your house was a huuuuge greenlight that whatever happened she was relatively interested in you. So make the date about you being and interesting with her. I think you had the right idea switching to the movie, but maybe she was a little uncomfortable at that point (exciting feelings gone by that point, bored, just wanna go home) but just try starting with that next time and ask if her if she wants a drink.

And remember you're always going to be you, so you may as well be yourself and try and find someone who is comfortable with you. And if you're worried about it they're not going to be comfortable. So don't worry about it.

And the "bi" thing, uh, you know, you can be as politically correct as you want to be. But, if you want to be successful in the dating market, I strongly recommend you present yourself as straight. It's okay to be bi or gay, but if you don't have much experience dating or around women, and you would like to get more, then it would be a great boon to you to present yourself as straight. Doesn't mean you're homophobic.

uh, also, as far as the kiss thing, don't worry about it too much. Just go for it sometime when you're watching the movie/show, if she doesn't respond/go for it - it's FINE. It's not the end of the world. Just back off and be like "not yet? sorry about that."

Also consider reading The Game or whatever other books they recommend here on TRP. If you don't have much social experience then reading those books will teach you a lot about how normally socialized people interact; it's very difficult to learn that as a person who wasn't socialized as a child but there are many great books out there.

Caveman5991 · 2023-07-10T11:42:57+00:00

She lost respect for you when you said you’d hit a trans homie and depending how quickly you responded, maybe desperate. Feel free to dm me I’d be happy to help you in the future bro

OneSmartKyle · 2023-07-10T22:42:09+00:00

So, I once went out to drinks with a friend of mine and I'm so damn dense, she literally pulled my hair and we started making out in my car when I was going to drive her home. I'm only inserting this because I definitely gave the vibe I was okay with physical contact but wasn't sure she was (and she obviously was).

(1) if you feel the date is going wrong and you impede her egress and then make physical contact like a kiss, it is always a bad idea. These are the stories women tell me about when I ask what their worst date was. That, or answering a phone call from their mom in the act like that cool dinosaur girl I talked to at a concert.

(2) it didn't seem like you made any attempt at establishing physical contact. Even playful taps on the shoulder work to develop a rapport--but it's gotta be reciprocated. Don't continue to touch people if they aren't giving it back.

(3) Your second date seemed really...mid-relationship esque when you're on your second date. The early dating phases are supposed to be fun. Me and this girl (now wife) watched a terrible B-movie ("The Car") and watched Regular Show ("Ello Govn'a") on our first date after D&D. That's fun.

jcfritz23 · 2023-07-10T04:30:46+00:00

Dude…wtf?? Good lord man please don’t grab a girl to stop her from leaving your place ever again. I’m concerned you don’t seem to realize how scary that shit is from the girl’s perspective.

Both of your interactions sound very strange. I’ll try to give some actual advice here and tell you that sitting on a bench at the mall + a home workout thing are terrible date ideas. Just go out for coffee 1st date then plan a movie 2nd date if you want to make a move.

Not trying to sound like a dick but is there any way you can work on your social skills outside of dating? There’s seems to be a pretty big lack of social awareness going on to say the least.

FearlessConnection · 2023-07-10T04:45:02+00:00

I’m definitely not an expert at dating but, as a woman, I can give you a few things that would have turned me off from my own perspective. Obviously everyone is different, so take my input with a grain of salt.

As others have mentioned, the info divulged on the first date would have made me a tad wary. I don’t have any issue with people that are bisexual, but I’m not totally sure I’d want that in a partner. Similarly, the fact that you don’t typically date girls my age would confuse me.

My main issue would have come with the work out, though. Inviting me to work out, but then not working out and just hovering over me while giving me pointers and information would have majorly creeped me out. People don’t generally want an audience while they work out. Further, the constant pointers and info would have felt very condescending.

If I had to guess, which is exactly what I’m doing, I’d be willing to bet that the awkward gym lesson is what turned her off.

Elysium____ · 2023-07-12T10:46:04+00:00

She came over to your place to have sex with you. You didn’t make any real moves and do what she wanted which was sex. If a girl wants to have sex with you and you don’t do it she in essence feels rejected and then she’s done with you. This happened to me a few times before I figured it out. Stop trying to be the funny nice guy when a woman wants to have sex with you, have the balls to have sex with the woman that wants to have sex with you don’t make this mistake again. There’s usually no saving this just MoveOn and don’t make the mistake again girls do things like this thinking the guy will know that I want to fuck and when you don’t figure it out and you don’t do anything she loses respect for you and she feels rejected. Have some balls next time.

Bae_Sremmurd · 2023-07-10T07:52:26+00:00

we just sat at a bench side by side but no physical contact

Mistake 1. You as a male have to always escalate physical contact. Women will sometimes, but usually only if alcohol is involved.

mostly she asked me about my sexual orientation

That’s very odd of a question for a woman to ask you. Most women would be terrified to ask a man that unless he’s giving off a vibe.

I told her if the man was really pretty and feminine….

Why would you say that? Straight women judge guys who deviate from strict heterosexuality very harshly. Straight women don’t even want to date bi guys. This was a huge mistake and probably what completely turned her off. Ngl I’m surprised there was even a second date

we watched an episode of silo and talked about it but we were far away

Again, not escalating contact. The holding the backpack in front of her body meant she was ready to get tf outta there. By this point she probably thought you were weird af, and then grabbing to kiss her gave her rape scares, just being honest.

Sympraxis · 2023-07-12T00:10:40+00:00

The workout thing was a mistake. It's a bad idea to put yourself in the role of a mentor. It's really that simple. DakotaJay has some good points, but at the end of the day your error is very basic: acting like a mentor and failing to make an emotional connection.

As Dakota said, the TV was a terrible idea too, way too passive. You aren't interacting if you are watching TV with somebody.

ProMILFslayer · 2023-07-10T12:25:17+00:00

Another bot. Are you even real lmao

GWAGWAGWAGWAGWAWWW · 2023-07-10T09:04:30+00:00

she wanted to fuck and you didnt make a move earlier

do you really think a girl wants to come over to your place and watch 40 minutes of fucking silo? LMAO she was there for you, not to watch some random tv show, she can do that alone at home

when you go watch a movie/show with a girl you ALWAYS make a move in the first 5-10 minutes

tip: if a girl wants to comes over to your place, especially in the first or second date, she wants to fuck

the gym thing was also pretty bad but it was recoverable

thanks for the show recommendation tho, never heard of it looks like a good show

Woujo · 2023-07-10T14:30:03+00:00

We just talked about a lot of different things. Mostly she asked me if I liked younger women and my sexual orientation.

What the fuck? You should have led the conversation and made it fun and interesting, not about this bullshit. I can already see why she ghosted you. It sounds like she put you on trial and you just went with it rather than changing the subject.

I told her that If the man was really pretty and Feminine(transgender) i'd hit it. No complaints.

First, you're gay.

Second, women don't like gay men. Most women will act non-judgmental if you tell them you're gay, but at the end of the day, most women don't want to fuck a gay man. Sorry bro.

I told her that I'm not too fond of dating younger girls but was open to it.

Why the fuck would you say that? It's good to be challenging to women but if you say "I'm not too fond" then they will move on. Holy hell you suck at this. Ok, moving on:

I felt that we had a connection because during the whole time we always had eye to eye contact.

Dude that's like the minimum you should expect on a date.

Told her that maybe we can hangout and go to the beach or do something else and she agreed then we parted ways.

No you need a specific time and place. Not "maybe we can hangout." Ugh.

I asked her out again after 3 days if she wants to try and workout at my place using my home gym equipment.

Dude seriously what the fuck is wrong with you. I feel like you are a little too proud of this home gym and think it is way more impressive than it really is. Just take her on a real fucking date. Jesus Fucking Christ.

She looked like she wasn't really into it and asked me if I was going to workout.

Yeah she wanted to go on a date with you, not a fucking workout. Holy shit. And also, when you see a girl is not into whatever you are doing, you change the activity instead of continuing to torture her.

Also, why were you not escalating??? She is at your house??

I panicked and grabbed her and she said "woah" then I just chuckled at her reaction and kissed her on the lips but was quick then I let her go. She was really quiet after without saying anything.

So the woman tried to run away from you and instead you grabbed her and sexually assaulted her. And you wonder why she ghosted you??

dbrockisdeadcmm · 2023-07-11T12:34:24+00:00

Didn't read it. She's talking to multiple guys and something made her pick one of them. Don't overthink it.

donaldcargill · 2023-07-14T10:25:22+00:00

Dude take a improve class it will help you with social skills

Title	I got ghosted after the second date at my place and I would like feedback.
Author	Internal-Brother
Upvotes	3
Comments	48
Date	July 10, 2023 2:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/14vhuwr/i_got_ghosted_after_the_second_date_at_my_place/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/i-got-ghosted-after-the-second-date-at-my-place.1224873 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224873

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