In a relationship, after being a typical "nice guy", is it too late?

bankruptedcasino · 2013-12-16T23:50:08+00:00

Brevity is the soul of wit, but that's fatal to your post. I would have liked to have read about some examples so I could correct your errors, but general advice is going to have to do for now.

Since you're in the early stages, this should be easy to fix. Instill dread and start artificially increasing your value relative to hers. The sooner you do this, the better. Most betas make the mistake of acting more needy when their girlfriend starts to withdraw. You're two steps ahead of the game because you've (1) picked up on the fact that she's losing interest and (2) you're looking for a red pill solution to the problem.

Basically, what you should do is the opposite of what you've been doing to get you into this quandary.

Have you been needy? Ignore her for 72 hours. It doesn't matter if she calls, texts, or shows up to your house, you just ignore her. When pressed on your absence, you can ignore it and accuse her of being clingy (girls hate being called "clingy" almost as much as guys hate being called "creepy"). If you think she's considering a bolt for the exits, make your absence excusable but not believable. Good examples would be: "I've been busy at work", or "Oh, y'know, just hangin' around." If you want to take a more aggressive and high-risk approach, tell her, "I've been hanging out with my guy friends lately because we've been spending too much time together", or (for a high voltage option sure to run her hamster off its wheel) "I dunno. Taking a break. I haven't been feeling this lately and needed to think stuff over." Be advised: If you take the high-risk option, she may use your doubts to get the jump on you dumping her. If she doesn't, she's going to want to talk about your relationship problems. Avoid that discussion at all costs. Instead, just get out of the conversation and wait until she chases you. This means more silence and no sex, but if you want to keep her you need to get back to the basics: You are the alpha and she is to chase you.
Have you been wanting to spend more time with her than she has available/than she is willing to offer? Spend less. Stop asking her out on dates. Schedule your weekend plans now and make a concerted effort not to invite her along. Even better: set up a weekend full of debauchery with your player friends and tell her (only when she asks what you're doing this weekend, and not a moment before) that you're having a "Guy's Night Out" on Friday. When she asks what you're doing on Saturday, tell her you don't know yet and deflect any effort she makes to try and spend time with you. When she asks you Saturday morning how your night went, say y'all had so much fun you're doing it again that night but that you'll hang out with her next week. Make sure you end that text with the words, "I'll text you."
Did you emote first (i.e. say I love you before she said it, or say I miss you before she said it)? You're in deep doo doo. See the neediness bullet point and increase to a week, possibly two depending on how bad your beta barfdom spooked this beautiful baby into hiding.
Did you emote to her friends (i.e. say you're the luckiest guy in the world to her friends or tell her friends you've never been happier)? Make a definite, but plausibly deniable pass at her hottest friend. Even better: make the same pass at the friend in her group that every girl hates. Every girl group has the Friend They Hate. Yeah, that's the one you want to flirt with. The whole group will be pissed at you, but just deny, deny, deny to your girlfriend. When she gets too close to the truth, tell her that you loathe the jealous type and hang up on her or end the fight by kicking her out of your house for the day.
Wanting sex more than she does? Stop all physical contact until she initiates. Wait as long as necessary. If the dry spell lasts half as long as your current relationship (e.g., LTR = one year, dry spell = six months? Time to dump the broad. Or start having an affair. Your call. [bankruptedcasino recommends the affair, and a not-too-tacit hope that she finds out about it]).
Is she starting to make passes/flirt with other alphas in front of your face? What's good for the goose is good for the gander. Take her out to a club with you and your friends, and start hitting on a group of girls who are the life of the party with your boys. When she confronts you on paying attention to "random whores" instead of her, hand her money for cab fare and say, "Don't wait up."
Did you cough up some beta on a gift exchange (Christmas is coming up), or go too beta on the card accompanying the gift? Depending on how bad your betatude was, you can usually get over this by fucking up the next gift or by giving her a firm slap on the ass in public in front of her friends (or your friends, but her friends are better). If it was really bad (e.g., Tiffany earrings for a one month-aversary), ignore her for at least 72 hours. Alternatively, start peppering your conversations with statements about how you value your freedom and independence.
Is she exerting her alpha dominance over you by pretending your house is her second home? Alternatively, has she started issuing orders that weren't there previously or has she started incessantly nagging where there was no nagging before? This has only happened to me a couple times and it was the clarion call for an impending breakup. For example, I knew the end was nigh when one of my first girlfriends (who I was quasi living with) started hammering me for using her shampoo in the shower and not her conditioner. She heckled, "STOP USING THE SHAMPOO AND NOT THE CONDITIONER! I hate that I have to buy conditioner and shampoo separately because you're using the shampoo and not the conditioner!" Ordinarily, this wouldn't be a problem. But I had been quasi living with this girl for six months, and she never complained about anything. I used only shampoo the entire time. The "shampoo fight" was her way of manifesting her disapproval of me and of our relationship. Another girlfriend (again with showers, wtf?!) used to let me shower at her house every morning when we spent the night. Then, without prompting, she said, "I just cleaned the shower a couple days ago. I don't want you using it." I dumped her the next week. All her friends said she was waiting for the right time to have that talk with me long after I pulled the plug. She said our breakup was "mutual". If this is happening to you, then you should start building a couple plates because the dumping is coming. And there will be nothing better than the look on her face than when she gives you the ax; you don't reply, or reply with a "sweet", "gay", or "8=====D"; and then show up to a favorite hot spot in two weeks with another woman on your arm to the dismay of her or her group of friends.
Has she said that she needs space? If she says this to you in the next couple weeks, say, "Sweet" and end the conversation. Then delete her number from your phone. Space should be painful. Not an excuse to Eat, Pray, Love on the pogo stick of an Alpha while she ruminates about "your future together".
Did you ask her to move in with you? The next time she brings it up, tell her "Brandi ... with an I" (girls hate other girls with names that end in "I") wanted to know if she was down with threesomes because you've been thinking about giving polyamory a try.

Regardless of what you've done up to this point, a lot of these problems can be solved by running a harem. Always keep two in the kitty. In Goodfellas, Henry Hill says, "Saturday night was for wives, but Friday at the Copa was always for the girlfriends." Until a broad slaps a ring on my finger (unlikely), I will never be exclusive to one.

Demonspawn · 2013-12-16T23:29:04+00:00

If it's a new relationship, just next. If it's been around (my judgement) 6+ months then it's worth turning around. Just follow the links and advice here and you can turn it around.

Why I say 6 months? Anything less than that and trying to turn it around would usually lead to oneitis and also at that small amount of time invested it's easier to change/learn new frame with new girls and if she comes around later she comes around. By 6 months you've got a real relationship going and it's not overly supplicating to attempt to salvage it if the girl is worth the LTR in the first place.

You sound new, so the first place to start learning to improve is learning how to diffuse shit tests.

T1tanAD · 2013-12-16T22:54:08+00:00

You could always end it first. Or you know, if you want to persist then read the links at the right.

puaSenator · 2013-12-17T05:17:11+00:00

Just about everyone will tell you something similar:

Freeze her out. Don't necessarily make her think you're trying to move on, but dramatically reduce contact. This is the go-to method for reestablishing the 60/40 attention rule (She contacts and initiates with you 60 percent of the time, while you do 40%).

What you have to do is just stop contacting her as much. Not necessarily avoiding her, just completely cut down to 10% of what you were doing before. Then start doing other fun things. She'll start figuring out you're doing fun things w/o her and wonder what is going on. Don't try to hide what you are doing, tell her straight up when she asks. Just simply don't go out of your way to invite her. The idea is you are restructuring this relationship so she's now having to come to you for the much needed attention.

This will go one of two ways. Either she does let you slip away and she just stops contacting you. If this happens, great, it means that she never really was that into you anyways and it was just a matter of time before she jumped cock. Or, she will start craving more of your attention and you'll reclaimed the frame. This method is REALLY effective, and she will likely start trying to do the latter.

Then you can start increasing the amount of attention you give her. But be sure NEVER to go back to your old ways. Never go beyond 60/40. You have to manage this new frame, and if you start letting it slip again, you'll be proving to her that your neediness is a character trait rather than just an anomaly early on in the relationship. She'll be out of there very fast.

FemtoG · 2013-12-17T00:12:21+00:00

Don't end it if you don't want to.

Just start living RP.

Lift, have interests, have goals related to the interests that you pursue in a manner that you know you will be successful, spin plates, etc.

Terry_Bruce_Dick · 2013-12-17T02:54:38+00:00

Don't worry about fixing it. Just fix yourself. The nice thing about women is that when you tell her to fuck off, she'll want to stay. And if she doesn't, there are more fish in the sea.

rebuildingMyself · 2013-12-17T05:33:15+00:00

Be willing to walk away tomorrow if needed.

Imagine your life tomorrow if you woke up and she was gone. What would be complicated? Do you have exclusive friends? Hobbies? A car? How is your fashion sense? How's you're workout routine? If you had a date with a hot woman tomorrow could you pull it off? Start thinking on this mindset now

Use this mindset as leverage

You don't like her nagging about something stupid? Calmly but firmly tell her to her face to stop nagging because it's unattractive. She drops an ultimatum? Tell her there's the door. Call her bluff but be willing to walk if she's serious (which most times she isn't).

googly_doosra · 2013-12-17T00:31:29+00:00

Why do you want to salvage the relationshit?

Why do you want to put in more, for less, and bear the burden of being solely responsible for the relationshit?

Fuck bitches, get money.

Seriously, if you can sleep the attraction slipping, why do you think you are alone responsible for saving the relationship? Pride? Sex? Or are your just a moron who likes putting in more than he gets out of things?

Read about an economic principle called sunk costs, cut your losses and move on.

dullknife45 · 2013-12-17T06:37:02+00:00

I'm not sure how much it will help, as it's hard to make a life change in the middle of a relationship, but if you don't ever want this problem again in a future relationship, read "no more mr. Nice guy." It's a huge identity level change, an it eleminates neediness, I highly recommend, it's a very red pill book.

xiko · 2013-12-17T13:47:33+00:00

Why do you want to stay with her?

DoxasticPoo · 2013-12-17T17:36:21+00:00

Put your desire into being yourself and always staying in your frame of mind.

If you are someone she wants, she'll come to you. If she doesn't come to you, you're not someone she wants. Fuck it. Why bother with one chick when there's a ton out there. If she was really so special, she'd see you in the same way.

Don't get hung up on "saving" something.

chill_geddy · 2013-12-17T23:00:44+00:00

When in doubt... Hit her with some gangsta dick

slcjosh · 2013-12-18T01:26:16+00:00

Meet other women and make sure she notices their interest in you. That's your only hope brah

TheEyeUrnShaft · 2013-12-17T10:13:24+00:00

So you write a 2 sentence post with absolutely no details on your relationship, and you want advice? How about "read the fucking side bar, and put in some actual effort rather than expecting us to figure everything out for you." You didn't even care enough to proofread (it's spelled 'pique'). Fuck your shitty content.

Title	In a relationship, after being a typical "nice guy", is it too late?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	32
Comments	23
Date	December 16, 2013 10:42 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1t1iio/in_a_relationship_after_being_a_typical_nice_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/in-a-relationship-after-being-a-typical-nice-guy.8946 https://theredarchive.com/post/8946

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