My first ever approach in almost 30 years being alive

DumpsterDiverRedDave · 2025-01-25T15:39:20+00:00

Calling women "bitches" and then putting them on a pedestal. Cold approaching a woman who you were too scared to even say hi to in a work setting and then acting as awkward as possible. Calling a woman a "unicorn" just because she was attractive. Are we reading the same things?

Quit drinking, start lifting and start talking to women. They aren't magical, stop putting them on a pedestal. You are right that you need experience before everything "clicks". So go get that experience.

SweetAccording3153 · 2025-01-25T16:00:26+00:00

Don't apologise on your opening, why do you need to be sorry for striking up a conversation that possibly only takes 10 seconds of her time?. Something along the lines of "this is the best pub in town, isn't it?", just casual with no expectation behind it. If she's into you she will engage and at that point it's on your to turn the conversation into more but I do find the "sorry to bother you" already puts the expectation of you're hitting on them so your follow up would need to be very smooth and you've already put yourself down by apologising on the opening.

MrSaveYourLife · 2025-01-25T15:41:52+00:00

At least you learned not to overthink. If I were in your shoes I would have been way more terse and to-the-point and would not have even sipped the alcohol:

"Hey I'm on my way to the smoothie shop but I thought you were cute so wanted to stop and ask if you wanted to go grab a smoothie with me."

And don't forget that 80-90% of these will be rejections, even for the hottest guys.

One thing that may help is reminding yourself that most of these girls will not even remember their interaction with you a week later. Most people have such short attention spans and memories that they can't even remember what they ate for lunch days ago. This should give you more confidence to talk to people in your day-to-day life as though they were NPCs in a video game. A lot of guys psych themselves out by thinking that girls will keep thinking about them years later while laughing at the thought of him, which is simply not true.

ZestycloseChain9410 · 2025-01-26T00:27:59+00:00

Here's the problem. Stop treating field reports like it's confession that you have to lay down Infront of the red pilled Gods. You didn't sin and it's not the end of the world. You just spoke to a girl and it went bad. That's it.

Look at the interaction, see why it worked, why it didn't and try again.

Secondly get rid of covert contracts and validation seeking behaviour. Look it up. Part of the red pill sidebar in No more MR. Nice guy. Very important. Learn some game/pickup structure - Mystery method for fundamentals of game and take it from there. Mystery method dvd collection is like $50.

Everyone here will act like an expert like they know what's best for you. They don't. Only you know. They will drag you down and look for friends to commiserate with. Don't fall for it. Everyone here is a loser trying to get their lives together even ones who pretend they aren't.

This is a personal journey. For you an only you. Ignore everything I said if it's not valuable.

Alpha-Bunny1 · 2025-01-25T20:01:17+00:00

Good job sir! Do you have stuff to work on? Of course, but you took action which is the right step. You stopped the mental and did something. Fuck everyone telling you to go monk mode. That's retarded. Live life, keep going out and getting experience. Eventually when you go somewhere new and people don't know you they will just see the experienced guy not you trial and error

megamorphg · 2025-01-25T16:36:03+00:00

It might help to not only NOT put them on a pedestal but also consider why men are the superior sex and women the inferior sex, nature's means of reproduction. i.e. imagine them pooping on a toilet, the pains they undergo to look pretty, menstruation, them "hitting the wall", etc.

It's not 100% true but it can help bring them to your level, which they ultimately are since you are human.

BaaderMunson · 2025-01-25T19:41:08+00:00

Alright, I’ll be here same time tomorrow if you change your mind. Now that’s funny.

4 nights a week, 4 hours a night going out sober. 3,2,1 go approaches. Collect rejections. Get stories. Learn to be social. Old advice. Possibly not a thing anymore.

But you are actually funny. Probably be ok. I am not cool. So big grain of salt. Thank you for sharing. Godspeed.

spacemangoes · 2025-01-25T16:14:57+00:00

even as a phrase of choice, stop calling girls unicorns, its not it. Change your language man. There's no need to use such profanity. Develop a more sofiticated or even a simple way of coveying your thoughts across. Besides that, good gob on approaching. Instead of just asking for number, try to have a conversation. Filtration is banter without expectations. At the very least, talk for a few seconds, get a hook and then ask for number. Good luck.

XAriFerrariX · 2025-01-25T17:54:56+00:00

Honestly this was a pretty amusing post. short, engaging and relatable

I like your writing, I’ve had a good chuckle

Good luck next time!

martindelp · 2025-01-25T21:09:01+00:00

PU former instructor here. Congrats on approaching, now what you need to do is get yourself a wingman and go approach a ton more girls. One of the things I think became way worse in the last years is the lack of a proper real-life community to meet and practice. Going out with someone else would push you to actually do it instead of just being KJ’ing in Reddit. And that’s also why boot camps were extremely useful, because you would see instructors approach, you would approach a ton yourself and understand that it was no big deal whatsoever. Try to replicate it with your means. You’d improve in no time.

Interesting-Head9582 · 2025-01-26T04:18:06+00:00

I want to share something that talks about emotional investment and i article i’ve read here and i am still listening to it nearly every day that has changed my life i’ve been here for years and nothing had impacted my life like this article, it’s one of the top articles here

Mochikitasky · 2025-01-26T18:11:02+00:00

Good job!

ElegantRoughneck · 2025-01-26T21:31:00+00:00

The first time I went to the gym I couldn’t do a single push up.

Doesn’t matter — I still went.

Good work getting out of your comfort zone, man! You can only get better when you practice.

TheZakalwe · 2025-01-27T04:52:47+00:00

Some of the other lads have given you a hard word already on some mistakes so I won't go there.

What I'll do instead is congratulate you on finding the courage to go through with it, that can be so very tough. I think it was Pook where I first heard the phrase rejection is far better than regret.

They very likely noticed you trying to drum up the courage.

ReneGusto · 2025-01-27T15:51:28+00:00

WIWD
Opener: "Can I talk you quick?"

* See if she tells me to fuck off

* If no, continue convo and go into vibing asking her logistical questions to see if a date is even possible with DHV's

* If her logistics are good get her laughing at some point

When laugh say: " Hey I notice you like drinking [The drink she is drinking]"

Her: "Yeah"

Me: "Cool. I would like to take you out sometime, what's your number" and then take out my phone to put number in.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Will this definitely work. No, but it will move you in the right direction. Also read amused mastery post for some better inner game work which is bad here.

b2daoni · 2025-01-29T18:44:28+00:00

What's going to help is getting over your fear of rejection.

I hope that unicorn of yours continues to show up at the bar.

My personal strategy from here would be to ignore her mostly (eye contact and smiles across the room MAX) and then proceed to talk to every gal in that establishment so that she can see you are that guy that talks to girls. Her seeing you rizz it up with a bunch of chicas will start the hamster wheel.

But you truly must not give a fuck about flopping anymore.

Numbers game! Get out there and put the work in! It gets easier! Gj on 1st approach, rejection is like getting punched while sparring- once you take a hit a realize you're still ticking, you overcome that pain.

Best of luck

Z0mbs · 2025-02-03T19:17:26+00:00

Props for trying tho. I respect it a lot!

bee_arnie · 2025-02-05T13:41:09+00:00

First, credit where credit is due—you approached. More importantly, you experienced what it’s like to break through the choking anxiety and nerve buildup in such a situation, when it feels like your head is about to explode. And that instant release of pressure can feel euphoric. But that euphoria was likely short-lived, quickly overshadowed by a sense of shame and self-disgust as the reality of the interaction failed to match the idealized version in your mind. The outcome wasn’t what your ego had hoped for—but that doesn’t mean the experience was a waste.

That said, let’s be real—you’re at least in your 30s and have never approached a woman. Based on what you’ve described, you severely lack the emotional intelligence needed for basic social interactions. Your writing oozes with toxic shame that carry inside your psyche. It seems that you’re caught in a constant oscillation between worthlessness and grandiosity. You're trying to write with this edge of hardness, like… “Yeah, it is what it is, man. No biggie. I’m cool.” But all of that is just a defense mechanism—an attempt to shield your extremely fragile ego.

Now, any of these issues in isolation can be no more than just a lack of “skill”. But all as a package? Well… I’m not here to diagnose you, but this is pathological. You’re carrying much deeper wounds that no amount of “learning how to approach women” will ever fix. Before you can build real self-esteem—without pedestalizing women, nor calling them bitches or unicorns as a way to cling to some illusion of self-control that you lack—you need to confront the deeper issues that are actually holding you back.

And sure, the meme of “lift, get hobbies, and interact with everyone” is a fine adage to remember and strive for. But when one’s wounds run as deep as yours seem to, even understanding what a healthy social interaction with a woman looks like—one where you’re not plagued by that nagging pressure in the back of your mind—feels out of reach. A truly natural conversation, where you can just talk and let things unfold organically (if they’re going to unfold at all), is as comprehensible to you as the Tour de France is to a goldfish.

Until you identify and confront the core reasons behind your neurosis—which, nine times out of ten times, stem from childhood relationships with your primary caregivers—you won’t be able to achieve sustainable growth as an individual. All these techniques—how to approach, what to say, how to carry yourself—are just band-aids. Sure, you might see some benefit from learning something new, but your ability to engage in normal, healthy human interactions is ultimately a reflection of how you feel about yourself, not a solution to the deeper issues shaping who you are.

1a2b3c4d_1a2b3c4d · 2025-03-20T20:27:06+00:00

I am going to come at this from a different angle then most.

Congratulations, you did it. You word vomited on her, but so what. You did it. Feel any different? Did the world collapse around you? No. In fact, you got a cackle from her friend.

Good job.

Most guys do this when they are teenagers and don't even remember their first approach. You needed to wait longer, but you did it.

Now do it again, and again, and again. Talk to every woman you can, without being creepy about it. Until it becomes like a habit. practise on the ones you are not attracted to, so that when you see someone you are attracted to, you know how to approach and what to say.

Don't know what to say? Try this: With a smile or a smirk, you walk over to her, boldly, chest out, with solid eye contact you just say "Hey, I just saw you standing here and wanted to come over and say Hi... whats your name?"

When I do that, I ALWAYS get a name. Sometimes thats all I get, sometimes more. But I don't fear it anymore.

Now go back out and do it again until you are comfortable doing it.

Carpe Diem!

LazyAd7772 · 2025-01-25T21:29:26+00:00

>asked for bobs and vegana.

and that would still work better than whatever you did. reading all that shit is nothing because YOU put nothing in motion, you don't look good, you don't hit the gym regular, nor are your social skills polished from talking to other women, nor do you have options, that's why you put her on a pedestal.

don't just read, DO. if you actually did those things, the chances of rejection go down low, or even if there is an rejection it's not brutal like you had.

Legitimate_Day4185 · 2025-01-28T02:10:22+00:00

U shouldn't have to feel like this bro, the system is now built around nothing being genuine and in the normal of what human society should is no longer. therefore making it socially harder for young men in this day and age to pursue women in general as young men.

There are better women out there that if you walked up to would've done the opposite. Don't care about the people around you this life seems like it's becoming vastly artificial anyway, and if you were in another spot on this earth with different cultures and norms this wouldn't be troublesome.

UnwardedBush · 2025-02-04T09:21:34+00:00

To get success in a bar picking up a 10/10 unicron, you need to be also, in an optimistic scenario, a 9/10 guy and very influent or popular in the place. You might get one of these ladies but being a rebound at some point, but that's something that is out of your control.

IJustWannaBeKing · 2025-02-13T14:18:29+00:00

Bro I haven't read the rest of the comments but this is a big W. Do this 100 times and you will be a slayer. But also are your hitting the gym do you have income coming in, did you have a fresh cut standards are kinda high for guys man.

rin_tintin_7 · 2025-03-10T17:17:40+00:00

Onitis is a helluva drug.

You strike me as someone who has read but doesn’t understand the stuff on here. That approach in that setting wouldn’t have worked even if she was secretly into you. I would recommend reading the sidebar again, maybe 10 more times lol. I do appreciate the hopeless honesty of your post though

It actually makes me wonder what you’ve been reading on here (because it actually is 90% virgins who don’t know shit running their mouths). That’s why you should really be mainly using sidebar core content and only looking at posted advise from experienced people.

mojocycler · 2025-01-26T07:57:17+00:00

I've got a fat bull rolled up right now.. IDK who TF is outside my door, but I'm about to light that up and take a walk ✌️❣️

ellarachel · 2025-03-29T06:37:56+00:00

if y’all want women to like you- the first step is deleting this app and getting a life:)

Title	My first ever approach in almost 30 years being alive
Author	burnyr
Upvotes	76
Comments	95
Date	January 25, 2025 3:22 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1i9p6wv/my_first_ever_approach_in_almost_30_years_being/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/my-first-ever-approach-in-almost-30-years-being.1542128 https://theredarchive.com/post/1542128

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