Problem with goals

marowitt · 2015-08-10T10:28:09+00:00

"Ok, nice I made it. Give me next."

That right there is exactly what you want. If you don't have the desire for the next goal you will just relax considering that stuff has been done. Right now you know you did something but there is so much more to achieve.

I'll use my gym training as an example, when I initially started I was severely out of shape, couldn't even do a single pull up. So I set some goals, do dead lifts with a weights that is equivalent to my body weight, do 10 pullups, be able to o unlimited push ups(well not unlimited but now I just ot tired of counting and I no longer bother with them)

Once I reached those goals I felt 0 satisfaction but I felt I was ready for the next challenge.

That is the whole idea, you complete goals in order to be prepared for more difficult ones.

What helps you immensely is keeping a journal. FE your goal is to talk to 10 random chicks per day for one week.

Write down each and every encounter, after the week is done go through the journal, notice how your interactions have improved when you compare day 1 to day 7.

Just take it one step at a time and enjoy the journey since that is what it really comes down to.

If you go to let's say the Eiffel Tower, what will you remember the most? The view that you had for 30 minutes while you were up there or the road trip and all the awesome people you meet and new experiences you got on the way?

darkstar505 · 2015-08-10T10:58:00+00:00

Isn't this something for r/asktrp ?

Anyway, TRP is all about progress and progress doesn't really have an end point. When you achieve a goal you get to a new point in life with new perspectives, you anticipate on that and from there you create new goals, achieve those etcetera etcetera. It is a cycle, and every time you complete the cycle you reached a "next level" in life (I play video games from time to time and like that thought). That "next level" means more happiness in general and more possibilities for even more happiness. Happiness not in a way of "Oh my god I am so happy all the time yaaayy!" but more like "I am happy about myself and my life. I am doing good."

maiway · 2015-08-10T10:00:50+00:00

It sounds like you're outcome independent. That's generally considered a good thing on the RP. I'm not sure strong self-congratulatory ego feelz is compatible with outcome independent stoicism.

I'd hazard a guess that you also don't feel deflated or discouraged by failing to meet your goals too. You simply tried your best, maybe you succeeded, maybe you failed, it matters not, what's next?

There are some apps that try to gamify your goal setting/hitting so that you keep track of your progress and get progress badges, and level-up, and that sort of thing . . . maybe it would suit you. Myself, I'm inclined to throw out the trophy cabinet - it takes too much time to dust those things. What's next?

ragnarlodbrok1992 · 2015-08-10T12:49:24+00:00

"The chase is better than the catch"

Lord_Sif · 2015-08-10T10:21:09+00:00

Same problem. Most likely you respond to different things when it comes to dopamine, as I do. I get little done because I don't feel a buzz once it is completed. Might even be adult ADHD, even though I would avoid labels like that, as it is probably just who you are. Something like gym work is effective, when you actually feel something, it becomes additive in nature. And as it is a continual process, rather than a one-off "I did this, now I must surely feel good about it but I don't" thing.

The point: Play to your nature. You know what you are like. And you gotta use your strengths. Even if it means you won't be able to do certain things.

Redsqa · 2015-08-10T11:33:01+00:00

I'm curious, if you lift (dyel bro ?), do you feel satisfaction when you set a PR, or when you've progressed and can add weight to the bar ?

little_england · 2015-08-10T11:57:15+00:00

Then maybe you need to stop setting yourself 'goals'. Goals are great for some people, but are not that effective for others, like myself. As long as I am consistently getting better with each week I know I am on the right path. It stops me becoming obsessed with 'achieving' a goal.

I trust myself to work my hardest at everything I am doing so this works better for me. With goals there is always that feeling that you could have set the bar higher when you could not have, which can definitely lead some people to either completely stop progressing, or become obsessed and miserable.

rptyr · 2015-08-10T12:33:26+00:00

Then maybe these goals you are achieving are not that difficult? Like with everything you need a bigger challenge each time to get that satisfying feeling of completing it. Winning a athletic tournament, fucking a hot girl or getting a promotion feels great the first time, and subsequently a little less great each time after.

Be honest with yourself how high are you setting your goals? If your not satisfied with achieving them you need to aim higher! Use this to further your ambition, this is a good mechanism that makes sure that you always reach further and further.

chiefelu · 2015-08-10T12:41:55+00:00

"Ok, nice I made it. Give me next." (Ok, nice I made it. Give me the next one.")

Dude, this is what healthy manhood is all about: Intrinsic motivation. When I finally managed to quit cigarette smoking (after failing to quit many times), it gave me a godlike feeling in my own abilities. Just keep going down the list of shit that needs to be done, and do it.

Don't fall into the modern trap of extrinsic social motivation, where you need a fucking round of applause every time you do something that you should just fucking do.

PantsonFire1234 · 2015-08-10T13:36:28+00:00

Be process driven, have a no quitters attitude, strive to do every little thing perfectly, always go for first place. Winning is a habit.

I live through my goals, I want to achieve them and I always want to climb the next mountain. However- the greatest satisfaction I get is from making progress, even in the little things. It's these things that motivate me the most.

Stay hungry.

RPMahoutsukai · 2015-08-10T13:49:59+00:00

Read Maximum Achievement. It will help you. Author suggests, amongst others, to keep a "success journal" and "relationship journal" where you write about your successes in relationship and life, to reinforce this idea of you achieving stuff as a habbit.

user6580 · 2015-08-10T15:02:47+00:00

Its possible that you msde the goal too easy to achieve and therefore don't feel you worked hsrd enough fornit.

My greatest feelings of achievements came after accomplishing things I thought would be IMPOSSIBLE.

I could have said to myself "my goal is to do well at uni" but no my goal was to THE BEST at uni, and I was, topped the class of 140.

I could have said my goal was to learn a martial art but no my goal was to live in a martial arts dojo for a year. (5am starts, no internet, 3 hrs of harsh training a day minimum, 1hr of praying minimum, for pver 400 days.)

These are the accomploshments I felt good about because I thought I would never achieve them.

mpbikeman · 2015-08-10T15:25:48+00:00

Goals are overrated. Some alternative viewpoints: http://jamesclear.com/goals-systems
*about goals but not being vocal about it: https://sivers.org/zipit

beachbloke · 2015-08-10T19:03:45+00:00

Achievement is a thrill because of validation. Don't improve to 'know' you are better. Improve because you won't be the person you can be if you don't.

[deleted] · 2015-08-10T21:55:56+00:00

I have this problem, but on a professional level. I have reached a level of "success" where I have no ambition to advance further, because further advancement necessitates a disproportionate sacrifice of my time in exchange for dwindling monetary recompense. To compound this problem, I don't really care about the substance of what I do...I was always just ladder climbing...accumulating degrees, awards, titles, etc. "Achieving" anything these days gives me zero pleasure.

I.e. I climbed the ladder, got pretty high, not interested in going higher, and uninterested with the substance of what I do.

bsutansalt · 2015-08-11T13:02:36+00:00

For those who may have missed it, this is the goals thread referenced above (which is in the sidebar):

http://a.trp.red/18

As for...

I know that I put a lot of hard work in achieving a goal, but I don't feel like I achieve anything. It reflects on my confidence as well. How to change that?

It sounds like you didn't give yourself any kind of reward, or one that was commiserate with the meaningfulness of the goal you accomplished.

pennypuptech · 2015-08-11T16:14:29+00:00

Hey. This sounds a lot like me. Despite my paper accomplishments it never feels good enough. I never feel like I actually accomplished anything.

With that said, I wonder what your personality type is? This situation is a main complaint of folks that associates as INTP in the Myers-Briggs test. My recommendation would be to set up a meeting with a psych.

Bellum00 · 2015-08-10T12:50:50+00:00

I imagine it could be because you do not feel invested in your achievements because they are externally (biologically or economically) mandated and not internally chosen. Sort of like having a girlfriend that ticks all your boxes but that you're not in love with.

I missed my graduation from law school to go to a job interview because I didn't care about finishing law school. This after five years of studying and working every day from morning til evening. I didn't care I landed the job and got an appartment shortly after.

I felt nothing except next because these were things I had to do and not things I wanted to do.

Seeing my baby growing in my personal unicorn's womb, or even something little like planting a cherry tree or nailing a recipe... that's where it's at for me.

Life is great, just don't overthink it.

Title	Problem with goals
Author	cakalone
Upvotes	20
Comments	23
Date	August 10, 2015 9:23 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/3gg2lg/problem_with_goals/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/problem-with-goals.35430 https://theredarchive.com/post/35430

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