Should you get married?

JRcanReid · Wed Jan 1 23:01:50 2014 UTC

I can say this with confidence.

Marriage: Not even twice.

cagethepepper · 2014-01-01T21:26:33+00:00

I also think a lot of people have an idealist idea of what marriage is. Guys as well. A lot of it may have to do with the media.

I'll never get married. I'd rather go galt than marry.

worms_to_mooch_sex · 2014-01-01T22:51:45+00:00

You know what else about marriage? It used to be, pretty clearly, this thing so the man doesn't lose his wife and the wife doesn't hose her husband.

a) Man loses his wife. She runs off with some other dude. Fuck that, it was supposed to be hard to do unless the marriage truly couldn't work. The marriage was supposed to be like, something that means you're together, even though it's going to suck sometimes. It's not like dating, it's like tieing yourselves to a stake together. So woman is bad, man keeps some shit, but maybe the woman can take some kids and raise them with the stepfather in this case. Whatever, that's what you get for breaking a marriage.

b) wife loses husband. dude gets caught cheating, she is fine and he will support her for the rest of her life, pay for the kids because she "expected that", splitting up kids and everything.

Inequalities aside, it's become quite clear in a world where both people have to work, this shit is just horribly messy. But anyways my point, why would a man want to really do that? He does it for the social expectation. How would the woman he love feel if he didn't profess his love like some knight and stand there like in a romance novel and have this big cheesy overpriced day that girls have to have. Yeah what man really wants that? Part of love/marriage I've found is the mental gymnastics of going with the flow of things that you know damn well are fuckdumb stupid except that... everybody kind of expects it. After all they did it. It's like they'd be jealous if you didn't blow money on some big fuckdumb party that's not even fun. And of course it's all about her.

Yeah and so what does the marriage do. Helps her take your stuff. She gets this magical party and vacation, again, clearly whipped behavior.

The wedding and beyond is pure embarassment by a single man's standards. Nothing to do with monogamy. Just how stupid and emasculated he has to behave in ceremony, in money, in speech, in demeanor. He's a prop for the princess's big day. His whole side of the family reduced to some quiet macho suited meat that looks awkward like they're part of a little girl's pretendtea set, which is how the whole thing feels.

Evaluate it honestly and imagine any guy doing any of that kind of shit in his freedom or doing that kind of shit just to make someone his gf. No, it's an overblown victory party for the bride. She has got her sucker.

And so what does marriage do? Hey you think men like sex with lots of women? Well if you do that shit you're losing the stuff you mostly paid for, your kids, and maybe you should keep paying to raise the kids just like you were when you were married and hell give the lady an allowance too.

Worst case scenerio? Yeah sure kind of. But tell me what the best a man can expect out of all that shit besides "nothing"?

Oh yeah, you get to have a lifelongn relationship with that woman. The price is wrong, Bob. HOw do we let women sell their lives at such a high fucking price these days when in reality both are going to have to bust ass to make ends meet.

Marriage survives on pressure from the past that makes no sense--people thinking their precious momentos of a wedding day are more important than several month's salary or years worth of savings. Proving your love also. It's like everybody knows love is fake so you better dress that shit up a lot so people know the pressure is on to keep up the image.

It's like they make you get committed to it, everybody. What's grandma gonna think? "That's life." Yeah that's life!

But if people really loved you wouldn't that mean your real life and your real future and relationship were all more important than some stupid party and vacation, jewelry and attempts for everyone to think they're royalty, celebrity.

Come on almost everybody can do it. Having somebody want to pair up with you doesn't make you special or a snowflake. It's like growing your first mustache. It's like having a butt. Why does every person on the planet have to be under pressure to have a soulmate, show everyone (How repulsive), whatever?

Sure, you want to set up a nice family mom and dad happy together? Great, you know what would help? NOt wasting any money on things like anything resembling a honeymoon, wedding jewelery, weddings. Letting those people come to whatever agreement they need about money and in what circumstances and how their partnership could be dissolved and how things like kids are handled.

We have to make it bigger than that so it becomes higher cost to admit how much of it is a sham. When you are manly enough to pay for all that crap and pretend it makes sense to everybody, take all this risk or risk having your committment questioned if you don't take the default terms, and just try to stick it out forever no matter how up shit creek you become in every way that woulda mattered to you (whenever you existed), yeah then you are manly enough to be a husband.

MahlerNinth · 2014-01-02T01:43:50+00:00

Marriage takes away the man's veto power over the relationship, while increasing incentives for a woman to veto the relationship.

So, absolutely not.

worms_to_mooch_sex · 2014-01-01T22:20:49+00:00

My relationship to my ex-wife was better before we were married, lived together about 2-3 years, don't even remember. Ended up divorcing after being married another 5+ years for no aparent reason. I think she figured out she changed her mind but the fact that we were married made her try (without telling me anything) to stay longer, which really fucked me over in a lot of ways. She just lost respect for me because, she would start thinking how she should be treated the same as the day we met and all this kind of garbage, meanwhile more and more of the chores gradually shift to me blah blah blah. Just like you guys said, changed completely. She changed me into something she didn't like, too! Fucked up my life. Because I believed love worked something how everyone seemed to assume and act like it did. Married people who have buried everything for decades so deep in their head of course they have to say it's' good.

It's like when you're going to the wedding everybody asks you fuckdumb questions, like "are you excited?" What am I going down a fucking waterslide? I'm doing some awkward ceremony surrounded by people, if you haven't noticed, I don't normally hang out with, wasting all this money because women think they have to have this to "really" have their man (or something). What a scam. And so yeah everybody asks you are you excited? God damn here's where I first realized the trick of marriage. People will ask you how awesome it is and you better be ready to answer without hesitation. Don't think about it honestly. Then why do people ask? How is that small talk? It's big talk, but they need everybody to costantly assure them that marriage is actually as good as we all say. Makes everybody feel good at at least everbody else's marriage is such a joyous paradise, not at all the living with one irresponsible person who doesn't care about you who stresses you out and makes you do shit you don't need to do but sure as fuck can't tell her that.. Nah not like that at all. Doing that, before marriage, was much better. It's like they are on good behavior trying to get married. You want to see how much real love there is see what you get from a girl who's your equal, doesn't live with you, and there's no chance in fuck of marriage? They will see you as scum and exploit what they can while they start to look for some marriage sucker.

I just split up with my gf of a couple years because I made it clear I didn't want to marry.

I told her, what is a marriage?

Ceremonies? Horrible, awkward, waste of time.
Legal stuff? All horrible and stupid except being able to let somebody come see you in the hospital and things like that, a power you should be able to grant to whoever you want anyways.
Okay if you have kids, fine come to some legal agreement about what happens if you aren't living together anymore. Is there expectation to split the costs of the kids until they're 18? College? Fine. Get an agreement written up. Why have some de facto agreements you enter into just because you are "together legally" with her?
Joint property/bank accounts? Hey if you want to do it why do you need a special status that is somehow tied in with relationships and sex. It's your own business there should just be forms to do these kinds of things if you want.

So what is marriage? It was supposed to protect women back when they didn't work; when they were second class citizens. The idea that only the man worked, and so the marriage was some formalization of that. If somebody "broke up the marriage" then it's their fault and blah blah blah. Again if people want to put some high stakes on the fidelity of their relationship why not just have a form people can sign?

You know what else? Marriage was part of religions. Now people can't tell the difference between the two, you have religious people fighting tooth and nail over what the government may or may not do with the government's so-called marriages.

Meanwhile people get forced into weird state by state rules. Marriage in the US is a joke; if it was done right there weren't even be some legal status to try to fight over or deny certain people on the basis of hysteria of lemmings.

RedBigMan · 2014-01-01T23:48:41+00:00

Short Answer: No

Long Answer: Hell No

Pretty much the ONLY reason to make an exception and actually get married are religious ones. If both you and your potential wife share the same religion/faith AND she's either a virgin when you get married or you're the only dick she's ever had AND You both are rather young compared to the standard age of getting married (IE. 16-21 vs like 25-35). Those type of marriages will have a much higher success rate (think 75-85% vs like less than 50% for average marriages)

cagethepepper · 2014-01-01T21:33:12+00:00

Formerly married man reporting in.

Marriage adds absolutely nothing to the relationship on the male's end besides for the increased tax return from Uncle Sam. My relationship with my ex-wife was actually better before we got married rather than after. It's harder to rationalize your boyfriend for changing the asses of kids that aren't his than your husband doing it.

Looking back, I realize that she knew that by marrying her, I was making her my only option. She could act out as much as she wanted, because I couldn't leave her at the drop of a hat like I could if I was only her boyfriend.

General_Fear · 2014-01-02T01:13:59+00:00

Imagine you who is reading this and I decide that we want to open a hardware store together. At the bottom of the contract, I put in a clause that says. In the event that the hardware store fails, I am entitled to your house, car, bank account. Also, I am entitled to 50% of all your future income.

Would you go into partnership with me on the hardware store? No? Guess what. I just described marriage.

The only difference between the hardware store and marriage is the "love" clouds a person's judgement. In the hardware store scenario I have just share there is no love. It is a straight up business deal. A business deal that makes no sense. When men "fall in love" they let their d*cks do their thinking for them and are able to rationalize all sorts of scenarios.

Hence the old term, "Love is blind."

Guys. Leave marriage for the Beta males who can't get any. If you are truly Red Pill you will not marry and you will not live with a woman. You have been warned.

TheWindyCity · 2014-01-02T02:00:30+00:00

This article is a good reminder as to why if you get married, the girls family should be paying for the wedding. It's easy for the bride and her family to spend someone else's money but when it's theirs something tells me they'll probably be a little more conservative.

Traditionally, the brides family is supposed to pay anyway, which makes alot of sense considering the huge financial investment (and potential lose later on) that the man is making after the wedding.

jcslzr · 2014-01-02T17:53:17+00:00

I am married and enjoy being married, but even with that it really opened my eyes a text I read here about "Why I am going to fuck your wife", basically it explained how a husband is going to spend his days providing inside an office working for his wife and family, getting tired and stressed doing so, meanwhile the wife is going to get bored, and one day a guy fresh from the gym, without a worry on the world because he does not have a family to provide for, is going to hit on her, and she is going to compare a stranger who will tell her a bunch of lies, who she has not seen tired, or worried, or never mad at her, with the husband who does not even have time to exercise....and guess what is going to happen? He is going to seduce her, years later she will divorce the husband, and the gym guy is going to keep having sex with her, who after all this years you have to keep paying her half your salary... this stuff is what nightmares are made of.

2014-01-02T00:36:02+00:00

Not in the Western world.

sluz · 2014-01-02T01:41:10+00:00

Not unless you're gay.

puaSenator · 2014-01-02T04:04:47+00:00

yI know this is slightly off topic, but you hit a really good point. There definitely exists a 80/20 culture when it comes to what you're talking about. Most of the anti-TRP crowd are people that are part of that 80. They are the failures in life trying to make society work more for them. Meanwhile, the 20 part of the crowd are the ones being silent about TRP. You'll get ugly chicks all day talking about how bad TRP is, but it's not common to get a top 20 chick bitching about TRP. Afterall, she's benefiting from the current model so why should she bother rocking the boat?

On a personal level, I've been with both those groups, and I'll tell you what, it's an entire different zeitgeist between the two. The only people bitching about gender roles are the fucking lower 80; it rarely comes from the upper 20. Dont let these cunts at the bottom try and tell you what you should do. Keep calm, and keep moving forward.

2014-01-02T07:54:25+00:00

George Clooney is the only man in Hollywood with a brain. Got scorned once and learned his lesson. If it wasn't good then, it ain't good now.

stemgang · 2014-01-02T00:27:34+00:00

Marriage is Fraud

Manuel_S · 2014-01-02T17:10:09+00:00

The basics are simple:

Marriage law was codified for another era.

It is built as a permanent contract that treats breaking it as an exception, when it is now a rule (50% roughly).

It codifies things such as alimony assuming the social mores of the 19th century, which are dead and god.

How to reform it?

Define what it is meant to (raise children maybe?) and codify accordingly.

As it is, for a man to get married is an unwarranted risk.

2014-01-02T00:47:23+00:00

Should you be in long term committed relationship, where you fulfill your promises to another person, stick with them through thick and thin, and if there are any children, help raise and care for them? Sure, why not. Such relationships are rare and positive. Can you commit to sex with one woman and expect her to do the same for decades? It's possible and maybe even worth it. Should you go to a county courthouse house and sign a marriage contract? Only if you enjoy having your shit taken from you if someone gets bored with no legal recourse.

vaker · 2014-01-02T21:06:02+00:00

"happily married to for 20 years"

I'm one of those guys. Longer than that actually. Marriage was a different deal decades ago. Both the legal environment and female attitudes were different. I would not marry today.

Women were women back then too (hypergamy, social proof, AMOG, etc all applied) but they weren't totally brainwashed by media/schools/feminism. You still had to get lucky and find a girl with unicorn potential, but they may have been less rare. Then you had to set the frame up correctly from second zero. And you have to maintain it. Which is not difficult or tiring if it's your default personality anyways.

I doubt all people married for decades are in similarly stable situations. Just a few days ago we had a married couple over for drinks. They have been married for decades with grown up kids. The wife was walking all over her poor BP husband. Cutting off and not letting him speak, all the signs of disrespect. I really wanted to drag that guy away, shake him and give him some pointers. Guess what, 'they' are considering divorce. At the same time the same female was respectful to me. She shut the f up when I opened my mouth, etc.

TLDR: Healthy marriage is possible, but not worth the risk in today's environment.

surgeon_general · 2014-01-02T21:43:53+00:00

I am a man of means and the freedom to exploit it. I bring alot to the table. That said why would I invest in a depreciating asset (beauty and pussy) all within a legal landscape hostile to me? Marriage? Hell No!

Edit: Marriage=Fulfillment of some chicks disney fantasy.

deptii · 2014-01-02T23:55:00+00:00

I just wanted to chime in with my own story on this. I just ended a ~20 month relationship with my girlfriend over my stance on marriage. While I've been a substantial MRA for a while, I hadn't yet taken all the marriage pitfalls to heart. My girlfriend had always expressed that if we were not engaged after two years it would be over. When I decided that marriage was definitely not in my plans I ended the relationship. Otherwise we had a very good relationship, so it's a damn shame, but I know I made the right decision. Here are some things that got me thinking that might help other men in the same situation:

The fact that she put a time limit on our relationship stood out a lot and it made clear that her intentions, above all else, was marriage. You would think that that milestone would be more natural. In the same thought process, I'm suspicious of any woman who has a singular drive towards marriage. It makes you think, if her whole drive is towards marriage, what happens when that day comes and go? She's achieved her dream, what else is there? Maybe the marriage will be good, but I'd wager it will never be how she's built it up in her head.

2014-01-02T15:10:46+00:00

I really never met a guy who said he enjoys his marriage. NEVER.

bigyellowtwinki · 2014-01-02T06:10:56+00:00

It's simple, really.

If you want to have kids, get married.

If you don't want to have kids, don't get married.

If you have kids, do what you can to make your marriage doable so your children don't become criminals.

If you get married because you need companionship, you are not red pill.

Your family will pressure you to marry and have kids. Most women will pressure you into marrying them if you are with them LTR. You have to decide way ahead of time if you are going to procreate, because that's all society needs from married couples.

Title	Should you get married?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	17
Comments	55
Date	January 1, 2014 9:16 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/1u6i3v/should_you_get_married/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/should-you-get-married.9480 https://theredarchive.com/post/9480

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