Long post ahead.

I grew up deeply believing that men should be gentlemen and that you should treat every woman right, because that is what nice guys do. I was determined to be the best nice guy ever, and as a teenager my big dream as far as women were concerned was to find a woman that "I could love with all my heart and everything in me". The problem was that I was a weak skinny boy/man who did not even have the courage to talk to a girl.

After high school, I met this girl, let us call her "Liz", on Myspace.com. At that time I believed that all I had to do to "get' a woman was to first approach her through email/dating sites/etc because I thought that through these less direct mediums my winning personality would shine through and girls would not be able to resist liking how nice and different I was from all those big bad jerks out there.

Anyway, this seemed to work on Liz. She was 18 at the time and was studying in the USA (Neither Liz nor I are American). We talked daily for months on Yahoo messenger and I thought I was truly happy. Finally I had found a girl who likes me "just the way I am". Liz came back home for a few months the next year and we had one really shitty date because she was too busy to meet with me. In this date I waited for her for an hour or two (traffic) and when she finally got there, I had to walk her to her friend's shop because there was an emergency there. End of date.

She went back to the USA for college. Our online relationship was flourishing, or so I thought. We talked daily for hours and my entire day's shining moment was talking to her. The other things in my life: school, work, etc suffered greatly. One of the best things I achieved (or so I thought) was that I slowly, over months, got her to be comfortable with having video calls instead of just chatting (typing) and eventually would get "e sex" where she'd show me her boobs and (rarely) touch herself on video - although I must note that any sexual activity came after a lot of whining and begging from me. Deep down, I was not happy, but Liz was all I got, I thought - and she was such a nice Christian girl. :)

This went on for years with her occasionally coming back home for a month or two - and these homecomings would be brutally sad for me because Liz was always too busy to meet with me and all dates were strictly at her convenience and were generally very short. She would not let me kiss her and got extremely angry when I tried to do so.

So anyway after her undergraduate and graduate studies and some time spent looking for a job, she decided to come back home for good. I was ecstatic. I even got her a really well paying job at one of my client's places where I spent most of my time while working. I thought it would be perfect - we'd spend nearly every day together.

But when she got home, something strange happened. Over a few months, she went from being excited to be around me to barely being able to tolerate me. Any little thing would launch her into an angry bitch mode that lasted weeks sometimes. I couldn't understand it. I had got her a job, I was super nice, I took her out to the best and most expensive restaurants, I even drove her home nearly every day (she lived with her parents in a small town about 50 kilometers away) but none of this was rewarded buy her being nice or loving to me. Some highlights of the things that really bothered me:

  • She hated telling me "I love you" and often would want to go on breaks from using this
  • Kissing/making out did happen, as well as a few rare hand jobs, but nothing more because she was a good Christian girl and these things were wrong
  • She would be an absolute bitch to me one moment and then be all nice and sweet to someone else the next moment
  • If I was walking with her and she met anyone she knew, she wouldn't recognize my presence, let alone introduce me
  • I have never met any of her friends or family because "our relationship does not have to be shared with the whole world" (her words)
  • Things like holding her hands, touching her etc were off limits because she was 'ticklish' and/or they made her sweat
  • I never once had sex, or even a blow-job with Liz. Or anyone else during our long 'relationship' (because I was a nice guy and nice guys never cheat)
  • She kept on telling me she was 'not ready' to be my girlfriend (wtf does this mean given that we had been together for years)
  • As far as sex goes we were, of course, waiting for marriage (Liz was apparently a virgin as far as I knew)

I suffered through all these believing that one day she'll come to her senses and see just how nice and perfect I was for her. This never happened.

What did happen, though was that one day I was googling around trying to find out why she didn't love me enough or want me and found TRP, specifically this post - my life changed after that. I slowly came to the painful realization that I was a weak and disgusting specimen of a man-boy after nearly all of Liz's behavior was explained to me by the many men who have shared on TRP over the years. I thank you all.

TLDR:

Lift

Do not be like me.

Be attractive.

Don't be attractive

Never ever get into an LDR