The lesson learned: Self-actualization must come from inside - On the positive outcomes from getting cheated on and dumped

Pibomeister · 2015-03-12T06:26:02+00:00

I try to stay in the sidelines as I slowly make my way through redpill knowledge, but boy do I have to say I had to go out of my way just to congratulate you on your way of handling this 'lesson' life has given you. Not only are your newfound interests/ideals/realizations spot on but they also encourage others, like me, that have gone through similar situations to press on in bettering ourselves and implementing redpill truths into our lives for the better. So thanks for the read and I hope the journey to becoming a real man is as satisfying for you as it is for me, brother.

marty2k · 2015-03-12T07:09:27+00:00

In the book Great by Choice by Jim Collins, which examines successful business leaders, they talk about a concept called return on luck, or the benefit you get out of the luck in your life. They studied how good business got ROL on good luck, and how bad business got bad ROL on good luck.

But the most interesting part is the chapter on return on bad luck, where companies were faced with bad luck and turned it into a positive outcome. One insurance company highlighted (I believe it was Progressive), got horrific public customer reviews (which would severely hurt most companies), and changed their entire customer service model based on that data. They went from #13 in insurance companies before the customer satisfaction surveys to #4 after the change, the CEO still credits that as the best thing that happened to the company.

My point is that great people always take good things out of bad situations like you are doing. Most people would hit the bottle and mope over this, what everyone should do is what you're doing and see this as an eye opener and get a good return on luck.

SkorchZang · 2015-03-12T09:25:31+00:00

Great post.

It's noticeable how the "enlightenment" comes at a redpiller in waves. Peaks and troughs. If you climb to a high point and are happy with what you've done, fully get ready to champion the lows later as well, by welcoming any depressing uncontrollably slouchy troughs that could well be destined to follow your highs. High point, slouch, high point, slouch. Whatever it is, you're always going to be there for you in the ultimate nepotism, the one man army you now encircle in your analytical embrace.

What you've lost with the woman that left can always be recreated again with a different woman, as if by a 3D printer. Though your printer might need to recharge, gather material, the all-important blueprint for being happy doesn't come from the one particular woman, it's all your own unconscious doing based on circumstantial cues that lots of different women can and will trigger for you down the line.

improvy · 2015-03-12T13:56:38+00:00

Amazing post. You really have a knack of summarizing and distilling of what a TRP journey should look like.

I too was cheated on, by my wife and not my girlfriend. And also, like you, I am slowly realizing that it was a major blessing in disguise. I dread to think of what kind of life I would have in ten years, if she hadn't done it; Pre TRP discovery I would be the perfect little beta, while my spoiled pussy whipping wife dictates everything. Perpetuating the circle of weak husband/father figure for both of our family lines.

I'm still in the last pulses of my anger phase but already see a road map, similar to yours, to massive self improvement.

I am progressing each of these traits from unconscious incompetence, to conscious incompetence, to conscious competence, to the eventual goal of unconscious competence, where I don’t even have to think and it’s just my default setting.

This is great and true. Its hard to understand that even though we all read a ton of material, its hard to instantly internalize it in the real world. Dating again, I'm still doing some old ways mistakes but this time, its under the "conscious incompetence" which is a major improvement. Yes, I still fuck up, but this time I know exactly what I did wrong and am able to do slightly better next time.

Awesome post my friend, I wish you and all of us new TRPillers luck.

Women are born. Men are made. It is natural and good and just.

N0TH4PPY · 2015-03-12T15:02:00+00:00

FUCK! You are a good man.

Some similar bad shit happened to me and I am still nowhere near where you are. I have read and re-read your post a few times and I am going to use it as a cheat-sheet blueprint of TRP for me.

JTPish · 2015-03-12T19:25:38+00:00

Reading posts like this inspire the hell out of me, and remind me that I'm on the right path. I will continue moving forward in a similar fashion. Thank you for sharing.

Miragio · 2015-03-13T00:04:09+00:00

Twelve.

That's the estimated number of times I did a fist-pump as I read the OP. I can't fully express how pleased I am for your enlightenment. At several points throughout the post, I felt like I was reading my own words. It's probably dangerous to be this drawn in by the words of someone who expresses himself to be on pretty much the same wavelength as you are. Especially when you've never even met them. But whatever! Your words touched me.

All I can say is Kudos, and that /u/marty2k brings up a strong point. You could have spun out in various different and more self-destructive directions as a result of the betrayal you felt. Instead, you kept your head on your shoulders, looked at the situation for what it was, found all your faults (as well as hers, lol, but for growing purposes instead of shaming), and systematically went about improving/correcting the aspects of your thinking and being that led you down the wrong path in the first place. Great by choice.

Ultimately, you're coming out of it with the realization that it was a blessing in disguise. A realization that, for others, comes a bit later than they would've liked. Hell, you might wanna go back and shake that bitch's hand. But pat yourself on the back first; You're in the best shape and frame of your life, it sounds like, and while she had more than a hand in that, it's mostly because you chose to rise above it all.

God Bless.

HumanSockPuppet · 2015-03-12T06:09:24+00:00

It sounds like you've reasoned it all out. Good work.

Now put it into practice everyday.

Anon_Dutch · 2015-03-12T19:57:41+00:00

Congratulations on your realizations and thank you for sharing this excellent summary of core TRP insights. I am troubled however by your decision never to have children. It is my opinion that reproduction is the most important goal in life. Life is little more than a genetic competition among all living things. If, in 1000 years, your genes are no longer present in the gene pool, you were a failure from an evolutionary perspective. Reconciling this biological imperative with TRP is no small task. You are certainly correct that unicorns do not exist and all women are inherently hypergamous, however I am hopeful that with careful selection and diligent training, I can find a women worthy of bearing my children (I actually believe I might have already found her. Training is ongoing, but early results are promising). That being said, I should note that I will never fall victim to oneitis and she will never be my purpose, she is along for the ride, I am the captain, but she might be a worthy first mate. Your summary is excellent, but perhaps with time you might reach a slightly more nuanced perspective.

[deleted] · 2015-03-12T15:44:32+00:00

Well said.

Being cheated on was the best thing that ever happened to me. The beta paradigm was making me miserable and she freed me from it.

WallyHotvedt · 2015-03-12T17:11:31+00:00

Great post, I'll pile on with the others saying the same thing.

It's amazing what happens when we (self included) go through this sort of pain. Things become very primal, internally we move the ego out of the way and gain brutal brutal honesty with ourselves. We use the physical pain as motivation to allow us to cope with emotional pain, since the physical pain is much easier to deal with than the emotional pain. All that energy, now channeled honestly within ourselves, serves to better us in ways we never knew possible. This is the time when you can really understand living a no bullshit life. Things become very binary, they either work or they don't, and if they don't your give-a-shit meter is pegged at zero with little thought to it. Decisions become easy with an all-in or all-out attitude.

I went through the pain that you are dealing with a few years ago, got cheated on and dumped. It was the best thing to ever happen to me. And now I've dropped plates 1 and 2 from my rotation in the last 2 weeks (#1 today/right now, not pleasant), and I'm finding myself dropping back into the "pain space" where things become very focused on me doing things exactly for me with zero regard for others. The interesting thing is that looking at where I am right now in this moment with the past experience gained, I see that I should be doing this all along, and not just after a loss. It's easy to get complacent with the gifts you give yourself after going through a pain phase, so I find myself actually looking forward to becoming brutally honest with myself again and growing more as a result.

You're right though, your best days are absolutely in front of you.

FrameWalker · 2015-03-12T17:20:33+00:00

I enjoyed reading this. You've laid out a clear mental model for us to follow and it resonates deeply with the spirit of this community

mission1st · 2015-03-12T20:20:30+00:00

What is your life's vision and mission?

singlehandedly · 2015-03-12T23:22:30+00:00

The Red Pill Man-ifesto.

jianinglai · 2015-03-13T04:16:27+00:00

Very well written. Thanks for sharing. Really resonated with me.

thedude122487 · 2015-03-13T08:39:11+00:00

I've been there. Got into a relationship with her even though I knew she was a slut (wanted to guarantee myself her pussy because she was easily a 9/10). Shouldn't have been surprised that she cheated on me.

Smooovies · 2015-03-13T14:27:27+00:00

My growth has come from framing her betrayal of me as a blessing in disguise and using the pain as a catalyst for self-improvement.

Yeah, I can tell you've been hurt. It's hard rationalizing what women do to you, because you invest so much in them and you expect that your efforts will be reciprocated. Innately, the problem is that they're programmed to need us, and not for us to need them. Inevitably, things fall apart. It's best to identify what she had over you in that time, and use that them as blueprints for an areas of improvement. Getting better is not nearly as tough as it seems at first, because we're wired to dominate, so you're only coming back into normalcy by putting fourth this effort.

March on.

Title	The lesson learned: Self-actualization must come from inside - On the positive outcomes from getting cheated on and dumped
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	119
Comments	32
Date	March 12, 2015 3:11 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2yr7su/the_lesson_learned_selfactualization_must_come/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-lesson-learned-self-actualization-must-come.30128 https://theredarchive.com/post/30128

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