Currently there's an interesting AMA featuring Dr. Laurie Santos, host of the happiness lab. One of her replies contained an old parable I'd learned years ago but had forgotten till I read that thread. For those that struggle with self confidence; insecurities and negative self talk; this was her reply;

“That’s a hard one, as I incorporate a lot of the tips I share with my students— from meditation to exercise to trying to protect my time affluence.

But if I had to pick one, I’d say the most important insight comes from the fact that that we can control our reactions to the bad situations in life. It’s an insight that comes from the ancient stoics but also from the Buddhist parable of the second arrow. Which goes something like this— Buddha asks his followers if it’s bad to get hit with an arrow when you’re walking down the street, which they quicky agree it is. Then he asks if it’s worse to get hit with a second arrow. All the followers agree that yup, getting hit with two arrows would suck more. Buddha goes on to explain that the first arrow is our of our control— that’s all the bad stuff that happens to us in life. But the second arrow is our reaction to those bad events— whether we get angry or upset and make things worse. That second arrow is always up to us.

And so I’d say the biggest insight that’s had a positive effect on my own life is NOT to hit myself with that second arrow.” - Dr Laurie Santos

During my teens I grew up with fairly high expectations. At the time I was expected to work, excel at studies and then contribute wherever else I was required. It's a gruelling weight to bear when there's so much expectation. I was drinking with my uncles and cousins one time and after relaying my woes; one uncle told me not keep shooting myself with the second arrow. He then told that same story. At the time I had a deep seeded doubt that the path I was forced upon; I wasn't up to. Insecurities, self doubt and my negative internal dialogue were eroding my confidence. Gaining that perspective however, then applying it; changed my world view. It irrevocably changed my frame.

We all face adversity. Frame; and the base of it’s strength comes from a choice. We don't have a choice getting shot with the first arrow; but we CAN consciously chose not to shoot ourselves with the second arrow.

Godspeed and good luck!