TRP help: How to overcome "Emotional Attachment" tendencies?

Revo_Luzione · 2015-03-13T15:27:42+00:00

Abundance conquers all.

If you've got 6 more in the pipeline, and 2-3 solids in the rotation, you may still have feelings of emotional attachment for your unicorn, but they won't stay around long, and won't bother you.

NeoreactionSafe · 2015-03-13T18:03:53+00:00

Actual Love flows down as in:

Men love women, women love children, children love puppies

But Charm and Respect flow up:

Puppies are charming to children, children are charming to their own mothers, women are charming to men

When you Charm upwards you are seeking approval. The withdrawl of approval is actually what causes your "emotional attachment" issue. It's an error as men to Charm a female other than your mother.

Red Pill teaches you to Love. Loving is different than being "emotionally attached", it's of a totally different character. Love only flows down.

Learn to really Love and you will never be needy again.

FailingPerfectionist · 2015-03-13T16:10:53+00:00

I think it takes an emotional rock bottom to get back up and not give fuck about anything.

If you feel attachment and can't get over that feeling, instead of trying to actively block it, follow that thread. See how far your mind goes. When you reach the level of absurdity of dreaming up this angel in your mind, you will realize how stupid it is. And how that girl is also a human just like you, with flaws.

This goes for pretty much any attachment or feeling. Angry? Your mind will naturally wanna get more angry and feed the anger hamster. In Love(TM)? Feel that oneitis all the way through. The lovey dovey hamster will feed itself. And so on and so forth.

I'm an over thinker, and this habit helps me move on from feelings. Just don't act on it. The 'feels' will naturally exhaust itself from your system.

In the meantime, go to the gym, go to work. Go out and do something fun for yourself. This feeling will pass on its own. Just don't tell people about your feelings cuz nobody gives a fuck and they just wanna run away from people like that. Everyone just wants and takes things from you (time, validation, entertainment, labor, ...)

EnterPseudonym · 2015-03-13T17:34:51+00:00

It's not about emotional attachment. It's about letting your boundaries be compromised for that emotional attachment. It is much easier to avoid attachment all together, than it is to hold fast to your boundaries with someone you have an emotional attachment with.

You have to be Stoic in the original sense of the word and not the skewed perception that TRP tends to promote. Being stoic is understanding that there is no reason to get upset over things that are outside of your control. You don't really get to control emotional attachment unless you completely block it off and become a raging narcissist. What you need to do is understand that happiness comes from you and that a woman will put her happiness above yours. You should also put your happiness above her. You enjoy her company and nothing is wrong with that. Stoicism also advocates the dulling of feelings. Not too feel too low, because of those things out of your control. If it is your fault for a mistake, that's not a big deal. Feel sorry for yourself for a bit, but stop after no more than 3 days, and start processing it and learning. Do not feel too high, For when you are at the top of the mountain, the valleys seem deeper.

As for the biological reasons, men falling in love is completely natural. If men didn't fall in love they would just be out fucking other women as much as possible. Love keeps men in a relationship to raise children and provide for a mother. Love is there so you don't question why you're wasting your resources on this woman. To be mad at Love is to say you hate pooping. You cannot control this (without becoming a pseudosociopath/narcissist), and to get mad at biological functions is only going to bring you unnecessary suffering.

Again, Respect your boundaries more than the woman you're with. Do not let her push past those boundaries as something that you have no control over (the woman) or you will be emotionally destroyed for letting something that is not within your power to control, matter to you. Look into /r/stoicism if you haven't. Start reading stoic philosophy. Don't just assume you know what Stoicism is based on a few paragraphs throughout TRP.

JaxSwagger · 2015-03-13T23:52:47+00:00

Abundance and taking the pussy off the pedestal. Really, the biggest thing Red Pill has taught me is that women don't actually make you happy. I know for me I was pursuing women out of narcissistic desire for validation because I didn't have a strong sense of self and had always been rejected by women, starting with my step mother and all the way through high school. I had discovered game, but I was still a typical nice guy, using game as a means to get the validation I never had growing up. I was a game equipped beta you might say. Really attractive once you get found out. Not.

Once I realized my baseline happiness is MY responsibility and that my pursuit of "deep and meaningful" relationships didn't really contribute to that baseline happiness in any direct fashion, and instead just propped my ego up a little, it kind of changed. I still hope to find a woman worth moving into an LTR with one day, but the motivation behind that has shifted to one where I am the prize. It's no longer a question of whether I can earn her love, but whether she can earn mine.

Plate spinning not only develops abundance, so you can run passive dread when you do find an LTR worthy woman, but it also teaches you to take the pussy right off the fucking pedestal. By making the commitment to NOT get into a relationship with ANY woman who does not meet a STRINGENT set of criteria, you're kind of forced to go semi-MGTOW for a while and learn to be genuinely happy while voluntarily remaining single. Then it starts to click into place.

Spin plates homie.

bigb219 · 2015-03-13T14:49:50+00:00

I was pretty pathetic towards a oneitis and became absolutely disgusted with myself. Now it doesn't happen...Abundance mentality really helps a lot too.

Smooovies · 2015-03-13T15:51:30+00:00

What I do is I start with measuring myself to my own standards, not those of another person. My emotional attachment was due to a person having too much real estate on my day to day life, mostly because at one time, I chose to relinquish it. It's been a while since I've been really emotionally attached to a person, but it was mostly due to me being codependent on them and their effect on how I felt. I turned to them to make me happy, by telling me bullshit. My emotional life was mostly owned by, in my case, my parents, and eventually my girlfriends. What I do now is cut through emotions and employ logic to see the real mechanisms behind my feelings. This way, I can have a reason, and a cause and effect system that explains what really is responsible for how I feel. My emotions are what they are, but who cares? I'm living and that's what matters.

drunkandstoned · 2015-03-14T19:18:40+00:00

Meditations - Marcus Aurelius

No More Mr Nice Guy - Robert Glover

mistadeejay · 2015-03-15T02:32:02+00:00

1) learn stoicism properly

2) get some hobbies and get good and comfortable with yourself and skill

3) invest your self in multiple interests and keep up with them

4) once you've become ingrained in multiple activities/personal interests of value to YOU, then oneitis won't be there as heavily.

in summary, find meaningful activities and companions, then add more meaningful relationships or whatever else

skrill_talk · 2015-03-13T14:44:20+00:00

Well, I stopped giving a fuck a long time ago. That's my secret, I just don't give a fuck.

I am in complex software sales and overall, kick ass at it. Make a ton of money. When things don't go my way, I don't crumble and bitch like some others... I just don't fucking care. I move on to the next deal and put the shitty one behind me.

I take this same approach in pretty much every aspect of life. Life is too short to care about the bullshit.

Toraak20 · 2015-03-13T15:29:30+00:00

I think that this is misstating what EFT is. As far as I know, EFT stands for "Emotional Focussed Therapy" and is a couples therapy technique designed to get at the emotions behind fights etc. It is based on attachment theory. Once you look into it, I think that you would agree with some of its tenets. You just call them different things. For example, there is a lot of referring to "shit tests", the theory being that when a woman complains/asks about something, she is really asking about something else. Same with attachment theory and EFT. What she is really asking is "do you love me", and how you respond reveals your attachment complex.

openwaves · 2015-03-13T15:54:56+00:00

It would be great to learn this emotional technique release in light of oneitis breakups..

rpscrote · 2015-03-13T19:21:09+00:00

Variety of experience, trying - failing miserably - getting back up and pushing to new highs.

You need to increase the number of things you experience as a person. You need to specifically find things that make you uncomfortable and do them. You need to move to a new country and live there. You need to take action and do things

Anything less than this is temporary and fleeting

N0TH4PPY · 2015-03-13T19:27:28+00:00

[permanently deleted]

leftajar · 2015-03-13T23:42:41+00:00

Get burned by a woman who you thought had your back.

I'm deadly serious. Get attached to a girl, have her get attached to you (or so you think,) and then get abandoned or backstabbed. That'll do for fostering self-reliance.

oldredder · 2015-03-14T12:50:09+00:00

Understand the core. For the most part I assumed this one-itis was a selection of an optimal partner you've met so far and in more primitive times options would be less for her and him so... it would probably take root. These behaviours are conserved through evolution for a reason.

Someone else's comment in another post got me thinking. That comment: a really low SMV man may have such low self-esteem or low reputation he will latch onto, emotionally, a woman who will raise (or he thinks will raise) those things in his life.

I don't know if that's true but it's an interesting thought.

Title	TRP help: How to overcome "Emotional Attachment" tendencies?
Author	N0TH4PPY
Upvotes	12
Comments	47
Date	March 13, 2015 2:15 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2ywtlt/trp_help_how_to_overcome_emotional_attachment/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/trp-help-how-to-overcome-emotional-attachment.30172 https://theredarchive.com/post/30172

Comments

Men love women, women love children, children love puppies

Puppies are charming to children, children are charming to their own mothers, women are charming to men