Summary: After 2 years, my LTR lost respect for me because of my beta behavior. After swallowing the RP, I want to reclaim my dominance.

Body: Two years ago I thought I found the perfect girlfriend or "Unicorn", as RPs classify them. She cooked for me, she was supportive, she was loyal, she never rocked the boat and most of all she respected me and embraced my dominance. One night, about a year ago, I showed up drunk to her place. Unfortunately, she went on my phone and saw text messages that revealed that I slept with another girl. In her eyes, I was a cheater, but she still thought I was worth the effort. She made me promise I would never do that to her again and I said yes. Having never cheated on a girl before, I let her pain get to me. I vowed to myself I will always make her feel loved and appreciated. Contrary to popular belief, that was the worst thing I could've ever done.

The other day she told me she's finally over me cheating, after several months of her threatening the relationship because she "couldn't trust me". I constantly begged for her back telling her I'm not that guy anymore...I gave her permission to leverage our LTR for months. But, i know she's not really over it, she just doesnt care anymore! I'm not desirable because I'm not the alpha she decided to stay with after I fucked her over. She claims she was "so stupid" and naive, but it's really me who's changed.

Now, she makes a point in asserting that we're equals, she's less giving, and very critical of me. It's like she lives to burst my bubble, to put me down a peg. But, then there are moments when she treats me the way I deserve, she makes me feel like a man, not a doormat. This is usually when I temporarily exhibit alpha behavior.

Until I discovered RP, I was perplexed about this behavior but now I'm enlightened. She stopped losing respect for me because I stopped being a man. I stopped setting boundries by letting her leverage the relationship over trust issues. I stopped gaming her because I was too busy making her feel safe and secure. I let a guilty conscious ruin my relationship. Instead of just becoming a more trustworthy boyfriend, I transformed to the nice guy that my gf can toy with.

I have been lurking on this page for a couple weeks and have learned a lot. While I try to apply some RP to the relationship, her reactions have been hit and miss. If I continue to be treated like this, I will break up with her. But since I know her change in behavior is because I changed mine, I want to try to transition my relationship to one that it is more in line with RP. It is upsetting to realize that If I had known about RP a year ago, my LTR may be healthier, but as a new RP, I'm seeking some advice about how to approach a transition.

Lessons learned:

  • I should have broken up with her for going into my phone that night

  • My girlfriend doesn't respect me anymore not because I cheated on her, but because I stopped being a man after the fact

  • The relationship will fail if I continue to be a beta, but a sudden switch to alpha behavior can intimidate her and push her away

  • looking back, the first time she threatened to break up, I should've let her go. She would have likely came back and respected me for not validating her obvious tantrum

EDIT: Considering your comments I want to stress the fact that I am in no way excusing my broken promise to my LTR. Cheating on her was wrong and I will never do that to her or any women I commit myself to again. She's a good girl and I am almost sure she would not cheat for revenge. She fell into a depression shortly after everything went down, but vowed that she believed in me. Amid her tantrums, she has communicated that she desperately wants to trust me and after about a year things have gotten better. Maybe it's not very RP, but I want to work on this with her. I feel terrible but I could tell this girl wants to believe in me. The problem is I have turned beta. I know I have lost her respect, but I am coming to you guys to learn how to earn it back.