i'll preface this, I've wasted a substantial portion of my life being a BP beta buck. Central to this was one case of oneitis after another. I'm finally seeing things clearly.

Case in point, the last dose of oneitis. She was, to me, HB9, just stunning. I orbited her for three years. For various reasons, i found the red pill and one of the first things i did, was cut her out. No more texts asking how she was, etc. This is the time line of event over 21 days

Day 3 - text asking where i was. At this stage shes getting no attention and shes wondering why

Day 4 - follow up, why am i ignoring her? At this stage i've finished No More Mr Nice Guy, and it advocates doing nothing in secret, and telling someone how i tried to use a covert contract on them. I tell her i'm tired of being a beta (not those words of course) and am changing myself for the better. She tells me not to change, i am fine as i am. In other words, i'm used to you being my bitch, don't change that.

Day 13 (i remember these days clearly) - text asking if she can move in with me?! - WHAT?! - don't answer straight away (not trying to play it cool, literally just trying to control myself and the situation) say i cant talk, but will catch up with her

Day 15 - meet with her (i know i shouldn't have, but i did it anyway) to tell me she broke up with her 7 year b/f because she felt it wasn't working anymore.

Now, this isn't some magic story BTW where we suddenly hooked up. No, not at all. She still has NO intention of sleeping with me. I'm not sure how to handle it perfectly, i didnt want to be a jerk, but i was very noncommittal, offered my condolences, and say these things happen. Asks to move in again (and i know i handled it poorly, still learning), said it was possible, but didn't commit. I know you guys will lecture me on it, but i do know that even a month ago, i'd have been rolling out red carpet for her.

Two days ago - random texts telling me shes drunk, and why do i never ask her to do anything. i just ignore them.

What i learned from this experience was, she was MORE than happy to get the sex and money from her b/f, and all the emotional shit from me, in effect the best of both worlds. She had compartmentalized her life, ensuring that her two main needs (physical including financial) and emotional could both be met, without either crossing over and jeopardizing the other.

The instant i pulled the plug on the emotional support, it caused a crisis for her, leaving her with only half the package.

And therein lies the biggest insight i have gotten so far. Blue pill men with oneitis simply feed their own problem. Women will never (well, in 99 out of 100 cases) dump their BF for some loser orbiter like i used to be. Why would they? I created an environment for her that ensured all her needs were met, risk free.

I wish i could go back and explain this to me. . I wish i could go to guys who currently throwing their lives away on oneitis and tell them their very behavior is creating a situation that will mean they will never get what they want.

More positively though,i do want to thank this reddit and contributors for showing me a better path. It's only been three weeks, and i have A TON to learn, but what i have learnt already is priceless.