Driving incompatibility. Is it enough to break up ?

Whateverbabe2 · 2021-09-04T02:52:24+00:00

Your friend also needs to take responsibility for not leveling up and being 100% dependent on her partner for rides. She is CHOOSING not to be independent which is not somethng we encourage as an FDS principle. It goes against everything we stand for.

If she won't drive she still needs to be able to go places on her own. Learn public transport routes, carpool, pay for an uber, whatever. Deciding to just rely on future partners to drive her as an alternative to learning for herself is unnacceptable. How can you hold out for a HVM if you intentionally put yourself ion the position of needing a man?

Also I try to be as supportive of other women as possible but it is important to remember that HVM are human too. It is very tiring to drive someone around all the time. I had to do this for family members before I moved out and it ate up all my frr time. It was tiring, stressful, and felt like I was just living in my car. It was honestly a major factor in me moving out early.

Sweetoranges77 · 2021-09-04T03:37:29+00:00

Honestly, I will go against the grain and will say she sounds annoying to be with. He’s not her personal driver, not her dad and did not sign up to give free driving lessons. Refusing to do something because it’s scary is a child’s excuse. While I don’t think her bf is HVM, I share his frustration because she seems to be whimsical, selfish, and close minded. This is not going to last.

miloba_ · 2021-09-04T02:11:07+00:00

To me, this does just seem like a relationship incompatibility as I wouldn’t say this man is outright NV/LV just because he’s unable or unwilling to give your friend rides whenever she needs transportation. Your friend didn’t mention if she or her boyfriend have jobs, but I can imagine that either way, the fact that they don’t live together and that she’s 25 minutes away makes this all the more tricky.

I personally wouldn’t break up with someone for this reason (if I didn’t drive), but no one can tell your friend what her boundaries should be. If this is a deal-breaker for her, it seems there’s her answer. Unless one of them is willing to compromise, it sounds like continuing this relationship is a non-starter.

That said, your friend should have a method of transportation ready if she ends the relationship.

NotSoSmartChick · 2021-09-04T11:18:39+00:00

For the last several years of his life, my husband was pretty much unable to drive, so the driving all fell on me. I can tell you that it got real old real quick. We liked to vacation 12 hours from our house, and we had to drive because we had dogs, and yeah - I dreaded the trip there and back, because I’d be doing all the driving.

My husband had serious health issues and between those and the meds he was on, he really couldn’t drive. That was annoying enough. I personally would walk away from someone who refused to drive due to anxiety.

mashibeans · 2021-09-04T02:26:52+00:00

He doesn't sound supportive, so personally it'd be a dealbreaker for me.

Also, whenever a woman starts a question about relationship with "we have a very loving and stable relationship" or "he's a really nice guy, but" or "don't get me wrong, he's wonderful" or any other variation to "assure" us the readers, that the relationship/dude is nice, I immediately suspect the following information is about how NOT nice he/it is.

He has to accept that she cannot drive, period. It sounds like she cannot get over that anxiety, and will need a partner who supports that part of her. Personally I'd say she does have to overcome it, at all costs, especially if she's living in a place with a very car-driven culture like most of the US (if she lived in certain parts of Europe where driving is not a must, I'd understand, but the way it sounds, she probably lives in the US). Truth is, she cannot keep relying on others to drive for her, unless she pays like a Uber/Lyft every time. But that's not now, and now it's when she needs a partner who will cover that for her.

It sounds like his "supportive BF" act is finally coming off and he's showing his true colors. He doesn't wanna drive for her anymore, and it shows by his words and actions. It's been three years, and I'm positive this has been going on for longer than your friend is letting on.

The very fact she asked you to post this shows that this is a serious issue that is putting real strain on the relationship. She has to decide whether she will accept being in a relationship where she has to feel apologetic and guilty every time her current boyfriend drives her or mentions driving, or not.

Edit: Really don't care about the downvotes, in fact that just makes me more decided in my stance in every word I wrote.

Title	Driving incompatibility. Is it enough to break up ?
Author	Sweetoranges77
Upvotes	13
Comments	8
Date	September 4, 2021 1:18 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/phi2hf/driving_incompatibility_is_it_enough_to_break_up/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/driving-incompatibility-is-it-enough-to-break-up.1066997 https://theredarchive.com/post/1066997

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