Healing from past traumas

ScallionOk958 · 2021-07-05T20:54:40+00:00

It sounds like you’re being used as a rebound. Your job is NOT to “help him heal.” That is his therapist’s job. But I don’t like hearing that he talks about her often. You have a relationship with him, not a relationship with him and his ex. You need to draw a boundary NOW. Tell him you want him to be present in your relationship. His intense feelings about his ex show that he is not ready for a relationship with you. FDS says to kick him to the curb. However, because this is askFDS I know that you are looking for someone to listen and support you. Getting to FDS standards is a process. In the meantime, tell him something like what I mentioned and spend less time with him if he brings her up. You’re worth a man’s full attention.

berrylikeova · 2021-07-05T22:27:13+00:00

Nope nope nope.

ASeaOfQuotes · 2021-07-05T23:02:52+00:00

If he’s not attending therapy, yet burdening you with his emotional trauma, then he doesn’t take his mental health seriously and you are going to have to deal with every issue and stress and moment of anxiety he has in life moving forward. Sounds more like you’re acting as his therapist than his girlfriend, he should be focused on you, not his past.

SunflowerinVirgo0903 · 2021-07-06T03:31:08+00:00

Read the handbook we are NOT therapists and here to give emotional labor to men. He needs a therapist and that is not you. Even if you were a therapist it's considered unethical to give treatment to our partners. Girl everything listed here you know FDS doesn't support. There are so many red flags and he is NOT over his ex. Stop making excuses face reality and move on. If you feel like it let him know why then BLOCK. just my past experiences he sounds mentally unstable so he is unpredictable with how he will behave when you tell him.

Also read Lundy Bancroft a why does he do that? 9/10 men complaining about their ex's were the abuser and this is backed up with a lot of proof in his book! Also read modern Medusas recent post about a week ago if you go to her username you can see her posts- about taking responsibility of our pick me tendencies and facing reality bc you 100% need a reminder of the things she listed or you wouldn't be asking this in the first place.

Edit: he is in his mid 30s and isn't in therapy but venting to his new partner about his woes. Something doesn't add up here and you know it. Pls get in touch with your intuition/gut feelings bc you already know the answers deep down.

thruawoo90210 · 2021-07-06T17:49:42+00:00

Yeah this is dangerous hon, it's one thing to mention past pain and another to keep going over it. If he's not over the pain, he will not be able to love fully. This is true for everyone, those with unresolved pain should not be dating until they sort their head and heart out.

Title	Healing from past traumas
Author	fairy_s
Upvotes	7
Comments	7
Date	July 5, 2021 8:42 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/oefwk8/healing_from_past_traumas/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/healing-from-past-traumas.791682 https://theredarchive.com/post/791682

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