I hate the decisions I made. Last May, I met this guy online. I was bored and wanted someone to talk to. He love-bombed me. Asking me for inappropriate pics and talking about sex after one week. I told him I was a virgin 🤡. The only thing that attracted me to him was been on the same career path. He convinced me to visit him and that he would help me relax and get a break from school.

I decided to have a casual relationship with him. I was convinced that I will not catch feelings. I feel guilty and mad at my life decisions. I paid for the hotel expenses and the flight. I waited this 25 years, I was waiting for marriage but my sex views have changed. I thought something was wrong with me and that I should be doing it by now.

I felt this weird feeling when I arrived at the hotel. I quarantined for one week alone and I changed my mind and I blocked him. I came across FDS around the same time. I have not read the handbook but I posted here asking for advice. FDS warned me but I didn’t listen. They advised me to not see him and to explore the new city on my own. But the guy called me on the hotel telephone 😡 . I didn’t know it was him so I picked up the phone. He begged and asked me to talk. I went downstairs to talk to him. He was desperate, I felt bad watching him beg and cry. I decided to give him a chance.

We waited for a week to do it because I was nervous. I decided to drink alcohol to relax. The first time we did it he ejaculated seconds after penetration. It was painful but I wanted him to do more. It was all for nothing. I was enthusiastic about sex. I was willing to try everything and it was fun. The guy was mediocre at a bed even though he had 10 partners before me.

Sex is overrated especially with all the emotional package that comes with it. Why do I have feelings for someone who didn’t even make me orgasm? Sex is a sacred thing. I should not it with anyone.

I’m taking full responsibility for my actions. Failure and mistakes are learning opportunities. I’m trying to forgive myself but I hate myself sometimes when I remember how naive and stupid I was.