Is there a pattern to my relationships? How do I fix this

SadClownProstitute · 2020-10-20T21:35:54+00:00

Your pattern is the same as most people's pattern, and it is the same as my pattern was when I was in my late teens and early 20's. My problem was me. I was the problem. So I say this with kindness and empathy - you are the problem.

It's not that you're going for the wrong people, it's that you're not spending any actual time working on yourself, loving yourself, setting goals for yourself. You're not doing anything at all that would put a light on the right people, you're just taking whoever comes along and shows enough interest.

The common thread in these relationships is that you don't seem to have any stated standards or boundaries, or if you do, you're just allowing people to trample over them. Rules that you do not enforce, do not exist.

Read the handbook to get a more in-depth view of what I'm about to say, but in summary, you shouldn't be in a relationship with someone where you like them more than they like you, so you're in a constant struggle to get or keep their attention. You're doing the pursuing, the compromising - letting him date other people, but then being worried about him emotionally cheating - what?

The second relationship - you allowed some guy to love-bomb you into being addicted to him. Addiction is not love. Love is deep and abiding and mutual. You also stuck around for some period of time after he openly told you that there could be no future because of his family - that's an excuse, by the way - he just wasn't that into you.

You need to love yourself. It's not just about being happy being single and finding happiness in single-lady hobbies - it's about genuinely liking who you are, setting standards and dropping anyone who fails to meet them, and setting boundaries and dropping anyone who tries to overcome them.

You're going to be SO awesome once you realize how much potential you have, and start figuring out how to manifest it.

saint-jezebel · 2020-10-20T23:06:43+00:00

Recognize your worth, value and the flags. You will learn the first two by setting up boundaries and sticking to them. The flags... you have to listen to what is being said and learn to take things at face value as well as reading between the lines.

First guy told you he didnt want you when he said he wanted to date others. Thats your cue to leave. The second told you why his previous relationship would not work. You need to learn you are not special or the exception and once you realize that, you will not try to change a man or hope that he will change. When you dont hope and wait, you leave and if they want you, they will get their stuff together.

Another thing, a man saying he loves you in 3 weeks is gaslighting you.

Toughen up, get yourself together. Write down issues you have and work on them. When you begun dating again, be detached and have a rotation.

nycgirlhere · 2020-10-21T15:01:03+00:00

I think when you see red flags you take them as “caution” flags instead of get out of that relationship flags. There are signs a guy is not loyal, committed, and HV. 2nd guy says he loves you after a few weeks? You immediately drop him because he is LYING or he doesn’t know what love is. Either way it is a form of manipulation to say that to someone, and you should take that as a get away from him sign.

Title	Is there a pattern to my relationships? How do I fix this
Author	Apprehensive_Prune21
Upvotes	20
Comments	6
Date	October 20, 2020 9:07 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/jeynt3/is_there_a_pattern_to_my_relationships_how_do_i/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/is-there-a-pattern-to-my-relationships-how-do-i.1068306 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068306

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