Sorry, I have posted here a couple times now. I just need validation that I'm not being petty. Been with my boyfriend for 5 years. We met online, an hour and a half drive away from eachother. He had a small amount of debt to pay off meaning he couldn't do the things I've wanted to do, like go on holiday and trips out to the theatre etc. I've waited 5 years to do these things but his carelessness with money and his desire to work on a family business that ended up not being lucrative, means we haven't. So even though he now is desperate to find a job not working on the family business, move out of his parent's house and has finally paid off his debt so we can do nice things (after the pandemic) I feel resentful.

I ask why he didn't date me and he just says he "forgot", or blamed a lack of money. Reasons that he knows are stupid now. He doesn't understand why he's been so neglectful. He says he's just been depressed and not thinking about a long-term future.

For the past couple of years I asked him when this business might make enough money for us to live on, and all he could say was "I don't know." Which I do understand, it's like how long is a piece of string? But it has been very frustrating for me not knowing where my life is going, and when. We are both childfree and I can't help but think that if I wanted kids he might have had a bit more urgency for getting our lives started. I feel like him working for the family business was just a lazy option, easier than doing a 9-5. But he says he really thought it had the potential to do well and be a good income for us, enabling us to live wherever we want.

My boyfriend feels miserable, knowing that we might end up breaking up. He has no friends where he lives though, and only has his Dad for company, who he doesn't particularly get along with. I don't think I could break up with him in the middle of a pandemic where he can't even go out and meet people to ease his pain. And I feel bad, because he has struggled with depression (as do I), so I know why he hasn't had the oomph to plan dates and get a job, but it's frustrating. And now he sees what a mess his life is, he wants to genuinely change. I feel like if I leave him I've just wasted his time, I've not loved him enough or been understanding enough.

He loves me deeply and does a lot for me. He doesn't watch porn and is always there when I need him. Yet I'm fed up of the distance, 5 years in. He is a very thoughtful man, he's just been complacent. I'm not sure what to do. I could end up leaving then a few months later he's got a great job and a home. We talked a lot about getting eloped and yet he's not proposed. He said this year he wanted to get me a ring but they were too expensive.