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Poly Relationships

November 28, 2020

I have had a couple of acquaintances that are or have been in poly relationships , and it’s always one man and two women. It’s obvious to me that the man in manipulating these women to get what he wants - two women doing as he pleases. I’m uncomfortable with sort of arrangement, and would never enter in a poly relationship myself, but would never say anything to my friends how anti WMW poly relationships I am.

What do you ladies think about poly relationships that are two men and one woman? I think marriage is antiquated practice anyways, so it’s not that I think monogamy is sacred in that sense.

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Post Information
Title Poly Relationships
Author hangingplaintain
Upvotes 73
Comments 8
Date November 28, 2020 12:02 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit /r/askFDS
Archive Link https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/poly-relationships.1067900
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/k2cqup/poly_relationships/
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[–]moxymoxalone 61 points62 points  (4 children) | Copy Link

I’ve been in a mwm poly relationship. While in theory it should be wonderful, the reality is that it’s a lot of work sexually. Also, even with two men,It’s still doesn’t guarantee an orgasm for the woman every time.

I went right back to monogamy as soon as that was over.

[–]Sea_SoilFDS Specialist 19 points20 points  (3 children) | Copy Link

Can I ask, what do you mean it was a lot of work sexually? Like, did you feel like you had to please them both?

I'm also curious, as this is addressing the sexual aspect, but what was the romantic aspect like? Were you in love with both men?

[–]moxymoxalone 64 points65 points  (2 children) | Copy Link

Yes, I loved them both. They were best friends. We lived together for just under a year, all in our mid twenties at the time. Romantically it was lovely for a time. They both lavished me with attention and got a special thrill by taking me out in public, both holding my hands and kissing on me. We certainly got the side eyes from other people.

I had sex with them both together and separately. one was a better lover than the other and I found myself wanting to sleep with him more because he really knew how to get me off and that was where things started to break down, through favoritism and jealousy. It was just...a lot. I don’t know how else to put it. It started to feel like I was always running on a hamster wheel, keeping both men satisfied and only one of them really doing it for me.

Also, both men had a much lower standard of cleanliness wrt our living space and so I began to feel put upon when they wouldn’t clean up after themselves, especially the pee on the floor of the bathroom. One had a cat and would not clean the litter box unless here was more shit than litter in it. Neither thought they should keep an eye on replacing things like toilet paper or toothpaste when they ran out and it was always falling to me to keep the place stocked with necessities. This would be annoying enough with one partner so it was unacceptable with two.

I had moved in to the apartment that they shared, so when the lease was up I declined to sign on the renewal and got my own place. We all continued to date for a month or so, then just one of them for a couple more months. He finally called it off and I was ok with that. I think they enjoyed the edginess of the relationship (as well as my labor) and when we lost that by my moving out, the new dynamic was too ordinary to stay interesting.

[–]LordDunderhead 27 points28 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Wow that's certainly... Interesting. Thank you for sharing.

I can def see it working temporarily as a "fun" thing in your early adulthood but it's bound to fail at some point

[–]Sea_SoilFDS Specialist 17 points18 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Thank you for such an in depth answer! I really appreciate it.

[–]AyemHerselfFDS Specialist 40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

Pre-FDS I was in such a relationship. I had my primary boyfriend and another dude.

It fucking sucked. Both dudes were threatened by the other and it was all my fault. Ever had to calm down a jealous partner? Try doing it with two.

They also don't see the difference between having two caring relationships and being promiscuous. They'll also have the underlying assumption that you're a whore who needs multiple dicks to feel satisfied. I eventually went monogamous with my boyfriend, and he was still wondering if he'd ever be able to satisfy me sexually and if I'd rather have a train run on me. Meanwhile, he had a female friend who walked on water because she was now married with a kid and a new religion. Hello, Madonna-Whore complex.

More isn't better when it comes to relationships. Women who are into non-monogamy in today's dating climate are still seen as easy and not to be taken seriously as relationship material.

[–]enoughalready4me 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

I have a friend in a long-term MWM poly relationship. They all live together in the suburbs, she stays home with the kids, both men work at excellent jobs, and it works quite well for them. Legally, one is her husband, but the kids call both of them dad. Never asked who is on the birth certificates. Lovely people all around. I think it works because they have no jealousy in their relationship I know another group that is MWM as well, and seem quite successful. I only know the married couple, not their third party, however. Both are quite successful career-wise, no kids. This same couple tried a WMW group and that did not work. In fact, none of the people I know who tried WMW poly arrangements had it work out for any length of time.

I should probably point out that all these people are Neo-Pagan & such arrangements within the Pagan community are not unusual. Pagan religious ceremonies often include sexual elements and/or nudity, so we are pretty chill about people's relationships. That said, it's not my cup of tea. I skip the naked Beltane fires & Great Rite. Just as there are pedo Catholic priests, there are plenty of guys who want to be Druids so they can see boobies at the next festival. And one dude is plenty for me. I will probably have to find a Methodist or Presbyterian; Pagan dudes have way too much hair everywhere & smell like patchouli. I loathe patchouli.

[–][deleted] 10 points11 points  (0 children) | Copy Link

but would never say anything to my friends how anti WMW poly relationships I am.

That’s sad. Why?

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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