What are your "Then vs. Now" stories?

kiramekki · 2020-09-12T20:11:36+00:00

I can offer my story, it may not be what you’re looking for but I hope it helps. My story is one of mindset and personal and spiritual growth. I am not happy ever after, but I’m at the point finally in life where I don’t need to heal from every heartbreak or setback to live my life fully and engage positively in all aspect of my life. It took a lot of trial and error! First, what helps me the most is- realizing what is in my control and what is not. A lot is out of our control. Other people, how we are perceived, people leaving and entering our lives, how our emotions affect us- you need to give yourself the time and space to heal. And then use your power and take responsibility for what you can control, like your mindset. Your list for ex:

1: by writing this you know deep down that you will be over this one day. time heals and the sooner you pay attention to your feelings and work on them (do not push them away and pretend you are over them) the sooner you will be over it. Watch Teal Swan’s video on YT about Incompatibility. It will be a game changer.

2: Think about how easily you met them, I don’t care whether it was through an app or friend or chance. There are billions of people in this planet, why let a few bad experiences convince you that greatness does not roam the earth? You attract what you are like. Keep growing and becoming authentic and you will meet someone who will make you feel every more in awe. You also have to get out of the house, haha.

3: If you say it will be or won’t be, either way you are right. Choose to act differently in your next relationship. Ask yourself what you need from someone and what you can offer. Write down your boundaries, explore those again, are they coming from a place of self love or insecurity? Rewrite them again. Keep questioning yourself, only by knowing yourself can you choose to leave or stay with someone if they are indeed meant for you. Also, I have remained friends with an ex who caused me a great heartbreak, we had too much in common not to! Not everything is about “cutting toxic people” and ca Canceling people who are humans, I don’t think this applies to really short relationships but just wanted to say that.

4: Stop thinking from a place of victim hood. You can handle it, think of all the things you’ve handled before, does losing a person from your life really destroy all the strength and times you’ve stood up for yourself, a dream, a person, an opportunity? It’s ok to be sad, hell, cry every night if you need to. But learn while you do it. Watch videos, get inspired by women who lead lives that resonate with you...you only feel as much pain as the lack of love you have for yourself. Focus on yourself, men can always wait :)

Anyways, thanks for coming to my TED talk. Lol didn’t mean this to be so long.

throwRA8935747835 · 2020-09-12T22:55:56+00:00

Well, I have never experienced deep heartbreak per say, but I have been royally fucked over by guys before. The last one, before I leveled up and came to my senses, "broke up" with me over text because he had found someone he wanted to get serious with. Meanwhile I thought we were on the way to a relationship and that he was kind of "the one" as I had never found someone that I could bond with on such a deep level.

I had a long period after that where I simply thought that there must be something wrong with me, that I just wasn't "girlfriend material", too fat, not smart enough, not interesting or social enough... bla bla bla. In reality, I was just horribly insecure, preoccupied with trying to decipher men's thinking, and was way too accommodating, wanted to please guys so they would pick me. That led me to writing out an explicit "dating ban" in my journal lol.

That "ban" turned out to be the best. I focused on myself, got a new job that would open so many new doors for me, started volunteer work and met new awesome people, started up new projects, and stopped giving a damn about mens' opinions since I didn't want to date anyone. Became a bit of a selfish bitch, in the bedst way possible (I highly recommend the "Why men love bitches" book!).
A little over a year after being dumped over text and feeling so bad about myself, I met my current partner, where I've never had to doubt his intentions and there has been little to no bullshit (and if so, I've shut it down as Idgaf about being a nice pickme lol).
I know it sounds so awfully cliché, but things do get better. Your situation is also different, but you will move on from this situation - even if it is hard right now.
I seriously thought there was something very wrong with me back then, but I didn't really need to change as a person, I just needed to put in the work so my life matched the vision I had in my head.

Ketolove604 · 2020-09-12T19:30:13+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. Hopefully sharing this will be helpful.

Once in awhile, I wonder when I'm going to meet the right successful man who will/has the ability to treat me like the queen in his life because I'm not settling. There's a man courting me who's doing all the right things on the surface, but I'm in no rush to take it to the next level. I'm vetting slowly, carefully, and have very high standards. In the meantime, I'm enjoying the dates.

I'm not waiting around for a man to change my life, but I expect him to make it better in a significant way, or I'm OUT.

My takeaway is to always work on myself! There's no feeling like knowing I look great, feel healthy, have assets, financial stability, own car, own home, etc. I'm working on securing passive income aka. "fuck you" money, and the ability to work remotely anywhere. I've worked hard to build up my life first, and I think this is the key.

GuessIllGoFuckMyself · 2020-09-12T22:40:17+00:00

I don’t have a story but currently sobbing in bed as well. Hurt and aching and fearing all the things you’re fearing and feeling like time won’t move me forward

Lalelolaleelo · 2020-09-13T01:47:59+00:00

I think that if you keep thinking this way you are going to keep finding yourself in these situations.

Refocus on yourself. Pretend romantic relationships don’t exist. What do you want to do in that life? Do it.

When you build this dream life you will not feel this way after a breakup. I love my partner and we are getting married in a month. But you know what? If he did something horrid tonight I would walk away. I know I would be okay.

Your questions all make the mistake of thinking about someone else. You need to look inward.

Title	What are your "Then vs. Now" stories?
Author	sleeparalyzis
Upvotes	24
Comments	6
Date	September 12, 2020 6:28 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askFDS
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/AskFDS/comments/irhwna/what_are_your_then_vs_now_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askFDS/what-are-your-then-vs-now-stories.1068496 https://theredarchive.com/post/1068496

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