Anger and shit-tests

FearDearg2015 · 2015-08-13T07:26:44+00:00

You say you feel angry. That's OK, that's even good maybe. The anger you feel might currently be directed towards her. "if only she....", or "Why does she always...".

Turn that anger inwards, towards yourself. You being angry with her won't affect her as much as it affects you. You being angry with yourself gives you a feedback loop. You recognise your anger, reflect on your actions and choices that made you feel angry, modify your behaviour, and then repeat. This is the essence of inner game. You need the feedback loop. If you direct your anger outward, you lose the actionable feedback, and possibly get angrier as a result.

In other words, don't "waste" your anger on her, use it to your advantage

Araphoren · 2015-08-13T06:07:10+00:00

I also had "trouble gaining weight." I was the skinny guy who could eat however much / whatever I wanted because of my "fast metabolism." Well, as it turns out, you actually just need to eat more. Natural metabolism only accounts for a small amount of variance in the amount of calories you naturally burn in comparison to anyone else in your weight/height range (just a couple hundred calories more or less). What you need to do is count calories. I downloaded "My Fitness Pal" and started using it, and surprise, I actually didn't eat anywhere near as much as I thought I did. At 6ft 150 lbs, you should probably be eating somewhere around 2600-3000 calories every day depending on whether you worked out or not. Use the internet to figure out your maintenance calories and then eat 400-600 calories more than that every day to gain muscle while working out. Check your macros as well (proportions of protein to carbs to everything else) to make sure you have enough carbs for energy and protein for repairing/building muscle. You'll probably want something like 140-155g of protein, 310+g of carbs, and a total of 2800 calories on your workout days or something like that, and slightly less on rest days. Just a ballpark guess. Hope this helps. I suddenly gained 8 pounds in 7 weeks of working out once I started counting calories, after years of being less than 145lbs (slightly less than 5'9"). You can be a 6 foot beast very soon if you eat right, staying ripped but getting muscular.

SorcererKing · 2015-08-13T06:41:32+00:00

OK, a lot of info in here. Let's break this down.

First off, you're welcome to post here, and I think this is the right place for this.

Next... wow. You should really start by telling us where you are in your journey: your reading, your unplugging. You obviously have read enough to know that you should be lifting; good job.

However, you nailed it when you said you have covert contracts going. Big time.

Have you read the beginners guide? If not, see sidebar. I suspect you're in Stage 2, heading for Stage 3, and may not even know it. Warning signs: you support her while she goes to Med School. Know who Med School chicks marry more than anyone else? Yep, fellow students. Your Beta shit juxtaposed against the Med School alphas is disaster for you.

I personally think she's using you, but I defer to others in case I'm paranoid. No matter however; you have to clean up your act, and fast. All the chores? The one car? You busting your ass at your own business? Does that make you happy? Does she appreciate it?Reflect on that. See if you can see where this equation is unbalanced.

kurwazinho · 2015-08-13T06:42:37+00:00

To avoid the anger, I would just go ahead and plan on your wife being unreliable. She won't drive you to your family? That's fine because you got Plan B lined up: Your hot female friend is willing to drive you. Plan C you got bus/train/2nd car or whatever. As an engineer you should be pulling in some nice $$$, you can hire a good-looking female maid to clean your ship. For food you can head out to that restaurant with the cute waitress. I'm just thinking of ways to infuse dread here.

married an unhelpful resource-sponge that relies on me to cook, do the day-to-day cleaning

It seems like she's been shit testing you on a much deeper level, to see how much you're willing to put up with. How far over can she bend you before you snap. I think she'll continue to do that until you live in a way that shows that you don't need her around, and that you'd rather spend time with people who appreciate your value. You might as well start making Plan A, the plan that doesn't involve her help.

strategos_autokrator · 2015-08-13T07:14:57+00:00

Your post is insightful and has self reflection. You have read the beginner's stuff, and have precise questions after you wrestled with the concepts. This would be a very good post in the main sub.

tbornott · 2015-08-13T09:20:43+00:00

For example, I am planning a trip to visit my family in a few weeks, and my wife says "I don't want to have to drive you 2 hours so you can have a vacation."

So you tell your wife that if she drives you to your family, then she can have the car for her own needs.

Instead I held my tongue and accelerated my plans to purchase a second car.

And when she says: "You can crawl to your family's place for all I care. I will take (your) car and use it for my own needs." You start thinking what a wonderful treat for me. Hmm, maybe I should buy her a treat too. A nice car perhaps. I wonder if that is expensive enough?

You could easily just say something along the lines of: "I thought it would be really nice to have a chauffeur for once, but thats ok honey. I can drive myself."

Countpudyoola · 2015-08-13T15:53:35+00:00

My response(s)?

"I don't want to have to drive you 2 hours so you can have a vacation."

"Good thing this isn't just a vacation then."
"The things we do for love." singing along.

She continue to be a shit about it?

"You can drive me or I can drive me. One of these options leaves you with a car as well."

druganswer · 2015-08-14T23:18:42+00:00

Look up a weight gain calculator. Start eating 2600 calories a day roughly and track every one with the fitness app.

Your wife saying directly "I'm just selfish sorry" is a huge red flag lol. It sounds like YOU think you're a team and she is on her own. I wouldn't doubt she leaves you one she's through med school. Consider this a huge warning.

Oh and tell her if she doesn't want to drive you you're fine taking the car and she can take public transportation wherever she wishes. Feel free to say it in a teasing way if you feel like you're becoming angry too easily. When she mentions how she's not driving you just ask her which bus route she's decided on to get to school or whatever...

But seriously, what the fuck lol still trying to wrap my head around:

"I know it is selfish but that is just how I am"

Title	Anger and shit-tests
Author	ionized4
Upvotes	2
Comments	13
Date	August 13, 2015 5:26 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/3gte7p/anger_and_shittests/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/anger-and-shit-tests.208189 https://theredarchive.com/post/208189

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