Covert contract?

Red-Curious · 2017-09-07T06:28:37+00:00

Let me remove the invisible plating from the elephant in this thread so far: Life isn't fair. Whether or not you watched the kids before shouldn't have any bearing on whether or not you go out with the guys after. These are entirely unrelated incidents. If she tries to connect them, your acknowledging this in any way is stepping into her frame.

She seems to think life has to be fair. For some reason you're believing her. Is that how you got ahead in life? By making sure you treated everyone else equally all the time? Or maybe you never got ahead. Maybe you're too busy making sure your co-workers have an equal and fair chance at getting the promotion as you do. "Um, hi, Mr. Lumenthol? I know you're really considering me for the assistant to the regional manager position ... and I really want the job. But I also want to make sure you're considering Teddy too. He's such a great guy and equally qualified." Screw Teddy. Screw your wife. Or to be more accurate: Screw Teddy = Screw your wife.

Tangential explanation aside, you need to get this 50/50 marriage relationship garbage out of your head. It's 100% you. You're responsible for the direction of the marriage. That's a lot of pressure. You need a night out with the guys every now and then. Of course, if you're cheating your wife (and yourself) by putting half the responsibility on her, then yeah, she gets half the say in how you spend your time.

Go OYS. Take responsibility. Get done what you gotta get done, then go spend a night with the guys. If she doesn't think it's fair, good! She needs to learn that life isn't fair just as much as you do. Just don't pass off the responsibility - even passively. You leave the house a mess when you go with the guys and you know she's going to clean it. You've just given her the martyr card to play against you. Don't invite tests you're not ready to pass. Take care of the kids, take care of your home, take care of your business, then go take care of yourself with the guys. Keep it up and maybe she'll take care of you . Maybe not. Either way, where does her perception of the situation factor in? It doesn't.

RPAlternate42 · 2017-09-07T03:45:28+00:00

Where is the covert contract.

Go out if you want to.

Sepean · 2017-09-07T07:09:41+00:00

A covert contract is the opposite - if you had done the dishes and expected a blowjob for example. The two are unrelated.

"I watch the kids today, you watch the kids tonight" sounds like a fair deal you'd expect her to be on board with, not a covert contract. You're fucking deep in her frame if you think that something like that could be a covert contract.

And in this case you didn't even make the covert contract. The problem with covert contracts is that you expect her to magically want to do Y because you did X, instead of actually doing what would lead her to do Y and telling her to. Women don't go around wondering if you hold covert contracts.

So to sum up: basic misunderstandings of your and her psychology, weak frame, way too many fucks given about what she thinks.

BobbyPeru · 2017-09-07T05:41:31+00:00

Why are you so scared that she will think something you know is untrue?

WISNIFG is in order

donedreadpirate · 2017-09-07T10:05:36+00:00

Just go out. You're overthinking it. You want to go? Go.

Countpudyoola · 2017-09-07T19:09:43+00:00

Do YOU want to go out?

Is she capable of watching the kids without you?

"Did you plan this?"

"Oh yeah, it was part of my master plot. To ply you with relaxed muscles."

Seriously the less you borrow trouble by worrying about things that may or may not happen or how they are perceived the less is comes across that you ACTUALLY had an agenda all along.

Live your life, sometimes you do shit together, sometimes she gets a massage,and sometimes you need man-recharge time. A few of these will overlap on the same days.

she's probably going to think

Who cares? That's silly if she does. But certainly you can reinforce this thought with a meek approach.

CapNGrind · 2017-09-07T04:52:20+00:00

You're overthinking this by about 100 miles.

she's probably going to think I had a covert contract planned all along

Why in the fuck would she think that? Why is that more likely than her just thinking you want to go hang out with your friends?

You're psyching yourself out for no reason.

AustralianArm · 2017-09-07T05:06:02+00:00

I bet this is just a resurfacing of an issue that happened pre-MRP, right?

Title	Covert contract?
Author	alwaysdoubledown82
Upvotes	3
Comments	16
Date	September 7, 2017 3:36 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6ykqze/covert_contract/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/covert-contract.205519 https://theredarchive.com/post/205519

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